My BPD girlfriend not taking medicine

I am really worried now.. my girlfriend hasn't been taking her medication for nearly a year, and her moodswings are getting worse and worse. It seems the closer I get to her, the more aggressive & erratic she becomes. Her work has really been stressing her out lately, and she treats me like she hates me. She's good to me about once every two weeks, then the rest of the time she cannot stand me or anyone else in the world, but only I see this side of her, while the world (through facebook and fellow employees & family) see her as happy and normal.

She has spent all weekend in bed without watching tv or eating. I bring her food, and she doesn't thank me, instead she complains about the texture etc. We have been playing the "silent game" all weekend, but it's better than getting her to talk and blow up (be loud).. she's extremely irritable and on edge like a ticking time bomb. She is just very miserable lately.

We are planning to visit her family this month, and I think it triggers things for her. Everytime we visit her family, the week before she spends her days self loathing and pissed off at the world. She has huge issues with sex and intimacy with me. She feels that everytime I want to be intimate with her, I'm demanding.. and it's a "have to". Last time I told her I wanted her, she blew up (violent outburst) and kicked the coffee table. It's the complete opposite from when we were dating! She used to beg me for sex, and she was a "no limit" lover. She would always cry during sex which really confused me because I associated that with pain. When I asked her about it, she denied it. She still cries sometimes, which I find very odd.

Last night it seemed like she was battling herself to touch me and be nice, loving towards me. She was grunting and moving around the bed, breathing heavy.. then finally started petting my head. I looked at her and told her I loved her, she then replied "I love you too honey", but the look in her eyes were full of pure anger & hate! It scared me, and confuses me so much.

How do I get her to start taking her medicine again?! When I suggest her taking it she gets mad and says "I don't want to! Why am I always the problem".. If she doesn't start taking her medicine I will have no choice but to leave. No, I haven't given her that ultimatum, because I know she will just blow up and tell me to get out.

I will tell you that I don't take medication. Mainly because I don't want to have the risk of becoming dependent on them... Especially because I had to battle with abusing prescription drugs. It kinda has formed this pills=bad/evil mentality in me. It has even gone to the point where I really can't take vitamins (which I should because I tend to eat like a bird and really don't get the nutrients I need.

Does your girlfriend still see a therapist on the regular bases?

It does sound like she gets triggered from her family, maybe it will be better if she doesn't see them and explain that she can't go because of work?

The funny thing is, I know that I have given the same look to my boyfriend and telling him that I do love him... It's something that I don't try to do. It just comes out. I think maybe it comes out because of internal conflict?

Regardless, if you feel like it is too much, then there really is no reason for you to stay. What is important for you right now is your health mentally and emotionally. If you feel that it is going to worsen, then you should cut your ties right now, or see if you can both take a break from each other.

Thank you for the insight. She doesn't see a therapist, and she stopped taking her medication because she has sensitive stomach (she has an ED).. I can't keep her from seeing her family when she's in denial to begin with. Everything makes perfect sense to her, and she gets frustrated repeating herself to me with her reasons for the outbursts and withdrawing from the world. She withdraws because she's sick (upset stomach) and stressed from the world. She gets angry because I'm a complete idiot who should already know everything and not pester her with questions or concern.

I guess all I can do is roll with the punches and avoid her when she gets like this. She told me I deserve better, and that I need to find someone else... that she's too damaged. I hate to leave her especially when she says "everybody leaves".. Her dad left when she was 10, and it really traumatized her since she was a huge daddy's girl. Now he doesn't even call her. For his birthday she sent him a card and called, but he didn't answer so she left him a VM... he still hasn't returned her call or thanked her for the card.

She said she's the kind of person who should be alone. I really wish she would have told me about all this before I quit my job, relocated across the country.

It's very frustrating. I can understand where she's coming from. I have some very similar problems (struggling with an ED, and I have some major daddy issues). I've said the same things to my boyfriend, if not similar things to him. And it's tough. But she NEEDS to get help. Suggest to her that both of you see a couples therapist. That way, she CAN get the help that she needs, and she will not think that you telling her that she's "defective" or the reason for the "problems". Often times, when a couples therapist sees these kinds of situations where there is a person with a personality disorder, abuse, or abandonment issues like this, they will recommend that person to see a therapist solo.

If she asks why you want to go to a couples therapist, just tell her that you love her too much to lose her and seeing a counselor that specializes in relationships is very good and can only better the relationship. She just might be scared to go to a solo counselor/therapist because in her mind, it may mean that she's crazy or she's a problem person. But if you suggest going to see one with her together to help better your relationship, then it might give her the message that she's not alone and you are not abandoning her.

That's more or less what happened with my sister and her husband. He had been wanting her to go to a psychologist and my sister didn't want to because she felt that only crazy people go see them. He offered going to a couple's counselor, and she warmed up to the idea enough to go through it. After a month or so of sessions, the psychologist recommended that my sister talk to a therapist on her own without her husband because of such and such reasons.

She did what they recommended. They explained to her the reasons and explained the consequences of what her emotions would do if she didn't get them under better control. And that meant that she would ultimately lose her husband. Maybe the same thing will happen with your girlfriend and this is the push in the right direction she needs.

Thank you so much for your advice on couple's therapy! I mentioned it to her, and she said she doesn't like to talk to people... BUT she will do that if it will save our relationship. She said "I'm an asshole and you're a sweetie.. and that's that, nothing else to talk about!"

Now she called me from work saying that she's seriously considering quitting her job (she's worked there 8 years) because she can't stand her new manager (never had one before, she's always been in charge)... She also said she's wanting to call in sick for the rest of the week! Hell, I don't want her home all the time being hateful. When she's around, I walk on eggshells.

<heavy sigh> I think her lack of therapy and/or medication is affecting her whole life, now her job!

Ok... now she's being VERY nice, and loving... telling me we can do whatever I want or need. She's blaming her job for her behavior. She is in HUGE denial, and rarely admits to anything. I've noticed that It's always someone or something else that causes her behavior.

I think it's funny how she magically gets really nice just in time to visit her parents. She told me before " I hate seeing them because then I have to put on a big ass show and smile on my face"

I wonder, is her life just a show? Is it all to make herself and her life look normal? I wanna believe she really loves me, especially when she cries during sex. I just wonder what's real and what's fiction.

I just wonder what's real and what's fiction.

more than likely, so does she i REALLY hope you guys are able to work this out. she sounds like she needs a TON of validation right now and even though it's difficult when you feel like you're walking on eggshells, she needs to hear it. have you read any BPD books?? like 'walking on eggshells'? perhaps you should take a gander at a few and see if one peaks your interest. it might help you

wineaux

You really should take a look at some books. One I would suggest is I Hate You Don't Leave Me. I have skimmed through it on PDF (lost the PDF some time ago T______T ) and as many people with BPD will say that it's innaccurate, I personally believe that it is... But the majority of the people with BPD that would agree with me on that are those who actually are coming to terms or have come to terms with their BPD and have used it as a bit of a self help. It's more of a self-help for those who have loved ones with BPD, but it can also be used for those with BPD to better understand how others view them, and to also help understand themselves better, i.e. their emotions.

I remember, and still do it, having to wear a mask so others wouldn't think something is wrong with me. I believe a lot of people with BPD, myself included, are more of Masters of Disguises, than Master Manipulators. To the outside world, those who are not close to us at all, would think that we are perfectly normal. It's once they start to know us that they can notice the mask is chipped, or we are hiding something.

Right now, all you can do is support her and love her. But also at the same time, you have to be firm with her. Tell her that when she does feel like this, that she can come to you and vent. Allow her to scream and yell, to get it out of her system. And then just let her know that even though she's feeling uncomfortable with the situation, that you still support her and you want to help her through the moment.

I know that for me, I don't get the chance to be vocal about how I feel. So I tend to come here a lot and will help or vent. A lot of times, we don't have the proper tools to actually handle situations like nonBPD or just normal people in general.

But that doesn't mean that we cannot be passionate or actually show empathy/sympathy. Now, am I saying that all of us can show great sympathy and empathy? No. Some of us just find it easier to not show those emotions and find it easier to just drop somebody before it gets more complicated.

Thank you for the recommended reading! I will look into that.

Last night she started talking about quitting her job, and traveling the world. Her thinking is off/funny. Then today before I left for work, she jerked the alarm out of the wall and threw it (breaking it) and started throwing pillows and hitting the head of the bed. It scared me.

So today I broke down and called her mom. She said "Thank you so much for telling me"! She said she's gonna talk to her, and that she just needs "rebooting".. She asked me if she had started talking about living in a tent again... and that she went through that "phase" a few years ago. I'm so glad I have someone I can talk to about her behavior that understands!

Either you did the best thing in the world, or the worst. It honestly can go either way. If she has some serious problems with her mother, in front of her, she won't do anything, but hell hath no wrath like a woman's scorn...

I honestly know that if my boyfriend pulled that off, I would blow up on him like never before... I'd pretty much be like, "You THINK I was being a bitch and crazy!? Look what I can ######6 do now!" and basically go ape $#%^ crazy for a while, ignore him, and just flat out avoid him for a while until I am calm enough... I don't know why... But I honestly get this feeling of "I don't want to see him" tomorrow. I think I'm in my devaluing phase with him again, and it feels different than the others... So I might actually avoid him tomorrow, or just see him for a bit and just head off without him noticing.

I'm a pretty good ninja like that.