My BPD girlfriend not taking medicine

The thing is, she listens to her mom. Her mom told her to get rid of her dog because the dog was giving me allergies (long hair).. I told her I didn't mind & could take benadryl.. but she listened to her mom & put the dog up for adoption!

then it seems like she has her mother idolized right now, so it should work to your benefit. She might be able to talk some sense into her and get her to see a therapist. And possibly actually get her to take BDT, which will HELP her. And she will, obligatory be forced to go for 6 months to a year before she has a choice in wanting to quite or not.

Got back last night from visitng her parents for the weekend. She kept crying the whole time we were there, but she would suck it up and go to the bathroom alot. Finally she had to "take a nap" where she just laid in bed crying in the dark. I laid with her... she said she felt so sad, even seeing her parents didn't make her feel any better. After about 15 minutes of talking her into washing her face and joining her family for dinner, she got up & did just that.

The last night we were there, she waited until behind closed doors (bedtime) before attacking me and making me feel like a terrible partner.. saying I don't love her, I just use her. She had that look in her eyes... the black, cold bitch look. Of course I tried to reason with her, but it was like talking to a wall, and all she did was continue to hurt me with her words. Finally, after cussing me out, she got up from bed and slept in the other room.

The next morning she wasted no time packing up her things, but not before paying her parent's neighbor to do lawn work for them (nice I know... she always does things nice for them).. Just before leaving we sat there infront of her parents and her nose was red... she was visually upset, but holding it in. After small talk, we left.. and she was quiet all the way up until we made it back home, where the closer we got to the house, the nicer she was. Then as soon as we came inside she went to the bedroom, and curled up in bed with a pillow over her head.... SLEEP.

When she was attacking me the other night she told me I couldn't fix her, and if she wants to sleep for 3 days or kill herself she will.

Shoot... I know how she feels right now. I actually attempted to get out of my house today, and ended up causing a bit of a mess with my family (we live in the country side and the roads are very dangerous to walk early in the morning and late at night) and I was going on about how I was going to go and walk there so I could get to school in time to talk to my college councilor. But they wouldn't allow me and had hid the house keys so I couldn't escape. They also threatened to call my mom and I called for them, which my mom and me kinda got into a bit of a fight, but ended up her trying to comfort me...

I feel kinda like an ass for acing like that, and I can see right now that what I was doing was very dangerous (especially because not even three days ago, somebody died on that road). I think right now she is just very upset and drained from all that has been going on.

Try to imagine a computer having a short circuit. It happens normally because there was an overload of information. A lot of times, with BPD, we can get "short circuits" emotionally. There is just so much emotions that we are experiencing that it just ends up becoming very draining, physically. It's one of the wors feelings ever. Being emotionally drained beyond the point that should be healthy, and having it tap to your physical energy reserves and draining that as well. Especially when you really didn't do anything that would be considered labor work.

I would say that you should let her sleep, but at the same time, try and keep a basic routine to help keep things somewhat normal. And if you think it's possible, take her out to a movie that she might like. I can tell that she's had it VERY rough so far. And I think that might help her get back on her groove. And I'm thinking that it would help you guys out on spending some time and not have her yelling at you.

villacapri wrote:When she was attacking me the other night she told me I couldn't fix her, and if she wants to sleep for 3 days or kill herself she will.

This type of talking sounds like she is trying to gain some control over her life. It almost sounds like you might be trying too hard and it's making her feel out of control. It's obvious her parents trigger her in some way and she feels as though she can't be herself around them. That also must make her feel pretty out of control. I hate to say it, but what works best in my relationship is when we can just forget my rages like they never happened and move on. I too have packed up all my things and said that I'm leaving, but really ended up staying. Of course there are words said and things done that are hurtful, but those things heal over time. Sometimes you can bring them up later when she's in a good space, and she might have some better insight into what was happening at the time. But as Anasui mentioned, what's going on is that she has an overwhelming amount of emotions going on in her at this time and she doesn't know how to handle them except to lash out. Once they're out of her system, she feels okay again. Hence the ability for her to go to sleep afterwards. Part of being in a relationship with someone with BPD is the ability to let things go unfortunately. That doesn't mean that it makes our actions acceptable, but definitely choose your battles and choose carefully when and how you bring them up. Also, as mentioned on this board many times, make your boundaries clear, and stand firm.

Since we got back from her parents house, she has been oddly withdrawn & distant... almost as if she is afraid to be around me or confused about where she is. When I touch her she pulls away, like I'm a stranger.

Then today after sleeping until noon (she went into work late) she finally started interacting with me, but she expressed grate guilt by losing control and sobbing, saying "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry"... I just held her and told her "it's ok... its all ok, and it's gonna be ok". She was much more affectionate with me, holding me.. kissing my neck & even breathing in my hear!

She called her doctor (so she said) and scheduled appointment for next week. She wrote down everything that's bothering her, and her list contains only physical pains. She is claiming that she is always tired and her whole body hurts and she doesn't know why. I'm not saying I don't believe that to be true, but I think alot of her behavior has stemmed from her mind & hormones.

I think she is beginning to see the light at the end of tunnel.. *fingers crossed*

She went through my phone and saw that I was talking to my MOTHER about her behavior involving our trip to her parent's house. She went crazy telling me to get the hell out of her house. I can't live this way. She has threatened to kick me out several times before (I help pay the bills 50/50) and I'm so sick of this rollercoaster. I'm sick of walking on eggshells. Sick of the unfounded drama... sick of her trying to bring me down... sick of wasting my life..

I'm done

I would be pissed off too. For me, my issues are so personal, I would be extremely upset if I found out my boyfriend was talking to ANYONE about my issues. It's definitely your choice as to whether you stay or leave the relationship. If you choose to stay, know that it will continue to be a roller coaster until your girlfriend chooses to seek some help for her BPD.

Well I needed someone to talk to. If I didn't have support from someone outside this relationship, I would think I was the crazy one! I value my sanity.

Now that I'm leaving she is suddenly bedridden and calling into work. She says she so sick, and bla bla bla... I am really done with her! Just the other day she was beating on the bathroom door yelling "this is my bathroom in my house & you need to get the ###$ out".. well... now that I'm leaving, well, RUNNING away.. now she suddenly sick and sending me text msgs saying "Need you please"..

I know I sound like a cold person for saying this, and will probably get slammed on this board for it... but she's not my problem anymore. Living with her is pure chaos. She is mentally & verbally abusive, and she scares me with her fits of rage... everything is GOOD, but she has to taint it all! She has to sabotage and screw everything up! It's insane.