Just started college, my cat is dying and i cant cope!

Hi to all...

I guess i'm posting this to 'vent' with the hope that somebody will have some kind word's to offer and understand where i'm coming from...

It's been a MAJOR hard week! I am only recently officially Diagnosed and am as yet, not recieving any professional/medical support... Other than Diaze's as my 'emergency stop button!' I am on the endless waiting list for very much needed help. (I live in England)

So this is my story/vent... Back in March I decided on a complete career change due to feeling unable to cope any longer working in such a stressful line of work (having worked with Youth Offender's and in secure unit's all my working life so far, 10 year's). I've been interested in Holistic Therapy for a few year's so I enrolled onto a course in Holistic therapies, a demanding course but I enjoy studying, especially when it's something I am passionate about... Holistic's are AMAZING! SOOOO beneficial for treating physical but especially emotional problem's. therefore, the perfect course for me as I still get to help other's but at the same time, help myself. I am reasonably smart and have alway's done well when I study.

Anyway... It's taken a lot of mental preparation but I got myself into the right 'mind set' to start my course, (something new and scary and will they like me etc), which I started Monday. I knew it would be difficult (feeling overwelmed and doubting my own abilities etc etc etc BPD BPD BPD... BUT on top of starting my course, my Cat (whom ive had since I was 16 (I'm now 30) , has become very poorly and is basically dying. I KNOW it's just a Cat but he has been the most consistant thing in my life for many years and is like my baby, my best friend.

On top of this, I am broke, due to becoming a student and am unable to afford the vet's bills (my parent's have paid for his treatment this time but can't afford anymore than what they have already forked out on his treatment.)

I missed my Niece's 4th birthday party yesterday due to feeling so bad and last night pretty much having a 'breakdown' uncontrollable crying, literally falling to bit's.

However, I still managed to go to College today but MY GOD I'm struggling this week and feel totally overwelmed, Like it's all just a bit much at the moment and I can't cope like 'normal' people do.

I know nobody can actually DO anything to make me feel better but does anyone know where I'm coming from with the 'overload' thing? It's like when I have more than 1 thing to deal with at any one time, I just can't cope!

As alway's, all response's/ advice and opinion's will be gratefully recieved.

PS AND I feel so guilty that my Parent's had to help me out AGAIN and I missed my Niece's Birthday! And for me, that trigger's the 'I'm a bad person stuff'. So basically... I'm in one hell of a pickle right now! And am worried that if my cat does die, I will completly fall to bits and will end up messing up my dream of studying my passion at College. BIG PICKLE!

While I'm in a very situation than yours, I definitely understand how you feel. It's been a pretty heavy week for me as well, to the point where I got really suicidal earlier today, for the first time in years. Everything just keeps piling up and there's no way out.

By the way - a pet is not just a pet. I've had my dog for six years now and I can't imagine life without him.

Hugs!

Thank you so much for your response 'Alexander The Great!...

It mean's a hell of a lot that you would take the time to respond to my crisis even though your are in your own crisis. Life is hard enough without having BPD to contend with too isn't it!

I am here to help other's as much as I am here to help myself so if you need to talk, I am here.

-- Thu Sep 06, 2012 9:35 pm --

And Alenander, if you are feeling suicidal, please talk to me or anyone you can to move you on from that way of thinking...

BIG hug's...

Me... Today wrote:I KNOW it's just a Cat but he has been the most consistant thing in my life for many years and is like my baby, my best friend.

It's not just a cat if he is your friend.

Me... Today wrote:pretty much having a 'breakdown' uncontrollable crying, literally falling to bit's.

I'm with you here. We should have a make chocolate chip cookies/glass of milk night. Take it all to bed. Snuggle up with our favorite things and watch a movie.

Me... Today wrote:I know nobody can actually DO anything to make me feel better but does anyone know where I'm coming from with the 'overload' thing? It's like when I have more than 1 thing to deal with at any one time, I just can't cope!

Yes. I do. Feeling overwhelmed. You will cope though and this will pass.

Me... Today wrote:PS AND I feel so guilty that my Parent's had to help me out AGAIN and I missed my Niece's Birthday! And for me, that trigger's the 'I'm a bad person stuff'.

This doesn't make you bad. Sometimes I think you just need to hear that.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for responses... Kind people. X

Me being me, BPD and rapid cycling Bi Polar, I am actually feeling a little better today and for all I know, could be bouncing off the wall's happy tomorrow! Or in the depth's of despair! Who know's... I don't!

Hugs... Ps... Cookie's and milk night... Sound's like heaven! In PJ'S!

Me... Today wrote:I am actually feeling a little better today

Good.

Wishing for you: Bouncing off the walls.

I would be all for the 'milk and cookies' night if only I could eat milk or chocolate!
First of all, a pet is not just a pet.
I grew up with a father who HATED animals (due to bad experiences growing up), while I had my grandmother's love of animals, and let me tell you, it still drives me nuts when he bashes people who love their pets.
When I was little, I had a stray cat who I took care of and it did not matter where he was, if I stood on the porch and called his name, within 5 minutes he'd come running towards me at top speed. He was my baby and I loved him and to this day I still sometimes cry if I'm PMS'ing and I think of him.
There's a reason why they call dogs "man's best friend".
It's perfectly reasonable and understandable that you are upset about your cat. It's called being human! I know you really won't want to hear this, but my friend swears that the best thing to do when your dog (or cat) dies, the best thing to do is get a puppy (or a kitten). You're still going to miss your cat, and no one can take his place, but if you have someone new to look after, it will help you to heal and move on.

Second of all, you are B-R-A-V-E to be going to college. I can't even work a normal job because of some fears I have! The fact that you can even sign yourself up and go is amazing and something to be proud of.
Plus, just think about how great it will be to have a job that allows you to help others, which ultimately, can help you to help yourself.
Also, you shouldn't feel bad about missing your niece's party. You were having a rough day and couldn't make it. It's no different than if you had been sick and couldn't go.
You're not a bad person just because you had a bad day. It's alright to fall apart sometimes!

Hugs for you and I hope you feel better.

First, I must say, you're only 30 and have been working in a secure unit with youth offenders for 10 years- that's impressive! -I changed my major from Bio Education to Social Work after my third year of college and let me tell you, it's probably the best decision I've ever made (despite working in a horribly low-paying field lol). You've had your cat since you were 16...so have I! I'm 29 and Peaches is about 15, so I can relate to having a long-time feline friend. I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty I can't imagine life without Peaches. She's been there for what seems like forever! I'll keep kitty in my prayers and hope for a miracle!

I know it's easier to say than do, but don't go so hard on yourself. From what you've said, anyone would feel overwhelmed by what you're going through.

I'm really sorry to hear about your cat. Pets aren't pets; they're family. They're with us through the good and the bad, and they love us all the way. If these are his last days, spend lots of time with him. Let him live out his days knowing that he was loved until the end.

O my goodness, you are all so kind! I was actually feeling quite emotional reading those post's but in a good way because it's so kind that people on here take time to build other's up when they are feeling low and in turn, we all help each other depending on whether we are having good or bad day's.

I love coming on this site when i'm feeling good and able to offer my support to other's who are struggling and I also love the fact that I can come on here and ask for support when I'm struggling and that people are empathetic enough to actually WANT to OFFER support!

This site is a priceless resource!

And I got my cat (Mr Tigglesworth) when I moved out and got my first flat at 16 year's old so he really is my baby. He is home from the vet's now and I am going to look after him the bestest i possibly can! He has been there for my in my darkest hour many time's. If there IS a heaven... That's where he will go... Although hopefully not yet!