My bpd wants me to move out HELP *trigger warning*

We have been together a year and at times we get in arguements and she tells me she wants me out of our apartment. It gets bad when I tell her Im going to stay the night with a family member to let things cool which is what I did this time because she tried to kick me out of the car without my keys to my car or home and then called the cops when I tried to get her to calm down. My grandma came and I stayed a few nights there and now I am home and she has left for her parents...she keeps bugging me about moving and I finally told her I was looking for a place today and also that I love her an she means the world. She was cold and said to go and she didnt want me anymore as well as the usual...I havent been happy the last 6 months (even though we moved in together 4 months ago) and that I have the issues and everything. But 3 hours later she texts about wanting to get lunch...Last time this happened as soon as I agreed to leave the apartment and the relationship like she asked the second I went to get the last of my stuff she tackled me down begging me not to go...I love her and I want this to work but she needs better help...What do I do?

layneblount wrote:She was cold and said to go and she didnt want me anymore as well as the usual...I havent been happy the last 6 months (even though we moved in together 4 months ago) and that I have the issues and everything. But 3 hours later she texts about wanting to get lunch.

Reading this makes me sad. I do this to my husband. The I haven't been happy for such amount time. That he has the issues. Down to the let's go do something after I have broken him down.

If this was me doing this to you I would want my space. I wouldn't want you being clingy and loving to me. I wouldn't want to hear it. It would make me angrier and see you as pathetic and weak. Idk why. I would be pushing you away for whatever reason. I would expect you to go.

Then.....

Once you go my abandonment issues would kick in. I would want to pull you back. I would need to pull you back. Doing so would satisfy my terror of being abandoned. It would prove that you love me.

I wish I knew advice to give you. The best I know to say is love her. She most likely doesn't want to be as she is. If she even realizes. It's not intentional. If she has BPD.

Explain to her how she makes you feel when she does this. Have that discussion with her when she is pulling not pushing. When pushing I could care less how someone feels because at that point I often feel it's all your fault anyway.

People here will be able to help you more with this. I'm still learning.

Wish you the best.

I told her that I was busy an I wanted to respect her space to which she was irritated and said Ok, whatever then. Should I pack a bag and leave for my mom's or should I start packing everything and leave for good.

I don't have much to go on here and I don't want to lead you wrong but I would pack just a bag and go to your moms. Tell your girlfriend that you will pick everything up once you know what you are doing. At that time she may begin arguing with you and telling you to take all your stuff now. She may beg you not to go. She may not care either way. I just don't know. Regardless I would go. Even if only for a day or two. Don't call her. Don't text her. Let her be the one to initiate. At that time you can decide what it is that you want or need to do.

You have got to have boundaries. That is very important. I personally respect that in a person and see it as a strength. Though... I will still test it. Just to see.

And someone else from this forum really needs to insert there advice here.

I tried to set boundaries by saying that this is my home also and I won't leave but that just upset her and then finally I said I would find a place I asked if she wanted me to stay at my parents for a few days and she said I don't care, I guess. So ill do that.

layne -

i'm sorry you're going through a rough time...bpd or not, breakups or separations or spats SUCK. i'm going to agree with everything reflection said, from start to finish. grab some of your things, go to your parents, and give her space and silence. you might find yourself in a different frame of mind once you've had time away. use this time to reflect...write out your feelings and tend to yourself.

when we get like this, it's best to let us work ourselves out alone. sometimes we don't even know what we're feeling, or saying, or doing.

Thank you guys so much..Should I ignore her if she tries to contact me? I really do love her and I know shes a beautiful person on the inside she just has issues..I love her and just like any relationship I kow it takes time and effort.. But its just hard when shes pushing..the things she says can be really upsetting.

If you love her and want to make things work then no you shouldn't ignore her when she reaches out. Because that would only be you punishing her. And though you may feel as though her behavior to you is punishment trust me when I tell you it isn't. At least it's not intentional. It's not even you. Though that doesn't in any way excuse the behavior.

People with personality disorders punish theirselves. We don't need outside help. People just don't seem to notice this because our punishment is internal.

And all the above is just my opinion.

Hang in there.

Its just confusing...she wants space but asks to see me.. Ive read how people who give in like that make the bpd feel their partner is weak and so they push again...I just wanna know what to do to make her start pulling... This is the toughest relationship Ive ever been in but I know in my heart I love her more than anyone Ive ever been with.

Has she actually told you that she has been diagnosed with BPD. How did you come to this forum if you don't mind the questions.