Learning who you are?

Hey guys,
So I just saw my therapist after a week vacation and it was AWESOME. I have never felt so validated...cared for...I don't know. happy? after leaving a session.

Something we're talking about is learning who I am. She put it like this. I learn how I feel in certain situations, and leave it to that situation. Put it in a container, so to speak, and leave it there. Eventually, we're going to have one container that is me and we'll add things into that container. Everything outside of that will exist outside of that container.

Anyway, if that doesn't make sense, I'm sorry. however, I WAS wondering if any of you have worked on identity in therapy? It's going to be a long process, I know...but still. What are your experiences?

-Ev

When I was in therapy, we worked very indirectly and loosely on my "identity" and standing up for myself due to self-esteem and trauma issues. By working on these issues, she hoped to make me see that I could be a strong solid person. But, back then, I had no idea that I had BPD, and I don't know if she knew what BPD was either. If I knew then what I know today, I would have asked our sessions to be structured totally differently. Does your therapist know you specifically have BPD?

Not really. 9 months with current therapist have proven to show me that I am whatever I tell him about myself, even at times the masquerade kiddo in me comes out to play, so I find anything stating the definition of self hard to justify beyond subjective idiocrisy. I would need an expert psychologist for that (which I had, but third session ended in me being one click away from hacking his system and fill his lawn with communism revisited propaganda flyers.)

jamberrypie wrote:Does your therapist know you specifically have BPD?

Right now, I'm not formally diagnosed, but she does know that I was exploring the idea of having it with my previous therapist before we had to terminate.

diagnosed 2 times
finaly did my own reserch got rediagnosed and i was right (2 diagnostitions were wrong or not telling me everything doesn't realy matter ether way they were useless to me)


add up the ah-moments

Most of the work I've done with trying to find out who I am has been primarily through yoga and meditation.

Something clicked for me yesterday while I was at a yoga class. The teacher had us stand up and lean forward on our feet a little bit, then backwards and instructed us to kind of rock until we found our center balance. I feel like having BPD is constantly swaying back and forth until we're almost knocked off our feet, giving us no time to find that strong center point of balance. That reflects in our lack of a strong sense of identity and disconnection to our core. I rarely have given myself time to find that strong balance point because everything has been so noisy. When things are most quiet in my head is when I feel the strongest me.

Another meditation technique I found helpful was focusing on "inner light". Taking time to first just focus on my breath, and then trying to find that light inside... no matter how soft it is, the longer I focus on it, the stronger it gets.

nice one atomicuniverse
i used to do meditation to try to get empathy didn't work lol (see my actions form others ppl eye's/prospective)
chaan (chinees)
mokso (japanees)
they mean looking within yourself (sometimes wrongly translated as praying)

I quit therapy but I have been working on myself and I have to say that learning who I am and what I stand for and believe in and like/dislike etc. has and I assume will continue to be extremely difficult. You question yourself so much during the process that many times I feel trapped in my own web.

I had to do a questionnaire of idk maybe 10 questions about myself months ago and it literally took me over an hour or two. I would write something down and then second guess my answer. I never really know.

Best of luck on your journey. It sounds as though you have possibly found your way.

Thanks for all the answers, guys! I feel like there's someone trapped inside me. I know a few things about myself, but not much outside of what I want to do when I'm older and what not. I hate being so easily influenced by everyone. I really appreciate your answers...I guess it's going to be a long road!

-Ev