by Chainedlynx » Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:17 pm
Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder are the same disorder. There is a huge push for renaming and EUPD is front and center. The new DSM (Diagnostic tool used by psychologists) is coming out fairly soon. I'm against a name change. Borderline is just what I know. I'd still refer to myself as a Borderline even if they did change it.
You should voice your concerns to your therapist. Tell him/her that you don't think you have BPD, always be honest. Tell him/her why you don't think the criteria applies to you. Below is a long winded summary of how BPD affects me.
Chronic emptiness and black/white thinking are the two symptoms that plague me the most, even more so than self injury. I'm constantly empty so I try and fill the void; usually with sex or spending. The sex I can live with, even though sometimes I feel like a ho but the spending is quite damaging. The status of all of my relationships is based on the last time we interacted. Was he/she nice to me? Was he/she mean or did they criticize me in anyway? I either hate you or you're my hero.
I dissociate, mostly during a panic attack. It's like looking through a foggy veil and you're not sure if things are real or if there are even consequences for what you're doing. I injure myself to relieve this tension. It's like I coil up on the inside and it's the only way I know how to uncoil myself.
I cannot regulate my emotions very well at all, especially anger. Intense mood swings; emotional rawness. Sometimes I turn inward and wall myself off from my friends; usually with music/headphones. Other times I'm passive aggressive. Sometimes I'm throwing a god damn temper tantrum. I sabotage every romantic relationship I have to avoid being abandoned/rejected. I have severe anxiety attacks when I think I've been abandoned, sometimes when I'm just alone. I struggle to leave a friends house when I know I have responsibilities to tend to that day.
I'm extremely paranoid about abandonment. I always assume worst case scenario. "My girlfriend must be cheating on me right now. That's why she didn't want me to come over." "My friends hate me and are doing fun things without me." Extreme self loathing. I have a very difficult time saying anything good about myself; mostly because I don't really know who I am or who I'm going to be.
I'm promiscuous, even for a man. I don't really have too much trouble in a long-term monogamous relationship but the second I've been rejected I remember that I'm a total slut. I'll have sex with anyone, just to touch them and feel connected. Married? No problem for me. Boyfriend out of town? No problem. You physically repulse me? No problem. You're just using me for my looks or some emotional support because your life sucks? No problem. That guy over there turned you down and now you want me because you need anyone? No problem. Sometimes it's not even sexual, just cuddling really. It's enough for me to feel... ecstasy? Bliss? Less terrible.
Dx: Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety Disorder NOS, Depressive Disorder NOS.