Catch 22

My whole life is seeming like a bit of a catch 22. In order to pull myself out of my slump I need to not be in a slump. But I am in a slump.

I have crazy low self esteem right now due to recent failures and abandonment. I need to feel accomplished and accepted to build my self esteem.

I need a job because I need money. To get a job I need to apply. In order to apply I need to feel worthy. In order to feel worthy I need self esteem. In order to feel self esteem I need accomplishment/acceptance. In order to have accomplishment/acceptance I need to have people or groups recognize and appreciate me. In order to have people recognize and appreciate me I need a job or friends to acknowledge my accomplishments.

I need friends and a job to raise my self esteem. But I can't apply for jobs or make friends because I have no self esteem. Furthermore, I have even lower self esteem because I have no job and no friends..

In order to get from point A to point B I need to already be at point C, or so it seems
and instead I find myself at point negative A

I call this the "vicious circle"...

I want to go out with friends, and meet people. But I just moved and have no friends here, and that makes me want to stay home. Because I stay home, I continue to stay friendless, because I am friendless I get in a bad mood. My bad moods/outlook makes me want to stay home. Since I have continued to stay home, I have no friends. But I'd like to go out with friends, and meet people. But I have none unless I go meet people, but I don't want to go meet people, without my friends to join me. And...and...and...but..but...but...but!!!

Its a vicious and terrible circle. Its up to YOU to break it, as I am trying to do in my own life.

I think you need to "fake it til you make it"...Pretend you are ALREADY at point C. Just pretend until you don't have to pretend anymore.

It's definitely a vicious cycle. I'm just not sure how to solve/break it.

I do go out and I have applied for jobs. But I still don't meet people and I still haven't heard back from any jobs. I know I should do more than I have and keep at it, but it feels like my tank is running on empty and is stalling out. Each time I reach out to improve my situation it burns up my energy and motivation and I haven't had any successes or feedback to tell me I'm on track or to help refuel me.

I'm used to a social environment but now I am socially starved and isolated. It's probably made worse because I lost everything at once (job, school, friends, ex gf, home, goals) and don't know how to rebuild or what to rebuild first. (I do have a gf but she is more antisocial than I am and content with it and I know I need other friends so I can stop putting everything on her.)

I've made all my friends through other friends or common association (school/work) and until recently I had a good network of close friends and acquaintances. I just don't seem to meet anyone new unless I'm with other people and don't even know where to start.

Being alone is like social kryptonite, people see you as being alone so you must be weird and alone for a reason. Being desperate for friends just makes it worse too, tragically. Meanwhile popular people are made more popular and rich people get complimentary food and gifts for being what they are... what a world <sigh>

My so called remaining "friends" don't answer their phones or call back when I do call to try and reach out to cheer myself up or feel connected, so I call less and less (once a week maybe). I would go out if there was somewhere to go, but I'm broke and don't even know where to look for people similar to me because my friends are my "scene" not some place. I love movies but am fairly sure people would hate me if I tried to spark up a conversation with them during Batman...

I find myself more and more often fantasizing about just moving far away for a true new beginning. That way I'm just new in town instead of a recluse that has no friends or job in a place I've been for years. It seems to have worked in the past, but now I don't have something I'm moving for or to..

Someone suggested that I try a "meetup" group in my area. I checked into it, and they do have them where I am. You could try that. Meetup.com

They have groups for everything: biking, movies, guitar.

You say you're broke, so I think you should focus on getting a better job, THEN worry about the social life.

But hell, you could go apply at a place that HAS the social life. Go work at a bar, or hotel. You WILL meet people. The staff at hotels, and restaurants, always party after work!!
Go work at a call centre - TONS of women work there lol.

When people ask what you do on free time, say I "hang with my friends". You don't have to let them know you are alone all the time. These are called white lies. And white is alright! muhahaha. At least, this way, you can save face, until you make new friends.