What to do when councilling is not available

I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder a couple of months back and I feel as if things are just going from bad to worse. My boyfriend left me, my best friend wants nothing to do with me because I said he doesn't understand me, and my mum moved out because she can't handle me either. I just feel like I'm sinking lower and lower. I'm on antidepressants and antipsychotics which have done nothing, and have to wait a really long time for therapy. I feel so lost. I've impulse spent half my savings on crazy trips abroad and even jumping out of a plane just so I could feel something. I self harm and think about suicide alot and have also overdosed on pills a couple of times, but stopped before I could do too much damage out of guilt. I feel so down without my boyfriend, because he thought he would always be by my side, but being with me was such an emotional rollercoaster (I hadn't being diagnosed then) that in the end he had nothing left to give. I feel devastated.

Please someone give me advice, I NEED therapy, I don't feel like I can carry on for much longer like this - I can't talk to family or friends, they truly don't understand - I'm sick of hearing 'what's wrong this time?' and 'Stop wallowing!' I'm going back to university in September, and I'm so stressed that I'm not being given help BEFORE I go back because that's the place where things get really bad for me. By the end of the year, all I would do was drink as soon as I woke up, refused to leave my room, self harm, sleep. I just really need help sooner rather than later, I'm so frustrated

Lowri

You may want to look up online DBT courses. I know they're not quite as effective as going through it live, but it's a heck of a lot better than not doing anything. I'll talk to MissAli and see if she'll PM you; I think she may have a link or two that could be useful.

Until then, keep posting! Sometimes, it helps just to talk about it, especially with others who understand where you're coming from. Talk to us; tell us about your boyfriend, about your friend, about anyone else in your life. Let it all out; that's what we're here for.

Don't worry; we'll help you get through this.

Will counseling be available through your university?

hey, sorry to hear things are really bad for you. I would also say check out what your university has in the way of counselling, I really suffered whilst at uni (had to drop out and take a year and a half then go back) and managed to get some counselling there. It wasn't amazing, but it was better than nothing.
good luck.

I'm not sure what you mean by not available? Is there just no therapy available in your area? If you're going to a university there should be therapy available in whatever city your in. Is money the issue? Look for a mental health center that runs on a sliding pay scale. Meaning that you pay them based on how much money you earn. I'm currently unemployed so the place I go to treats me for free.

Hey lowrie, you are having a really awful time. I know how hard it is trying to keep going. It's great you've reached out, and yes we understand you even if you think your friends and family don't. You are not alone. First up we need to get you talking to someone each week. So please keep chatting at the very least! These feelings will pass. Feeling this much pain means you are truely connected to life so dont even think about giving up! You are one special person. Let's just get you through one day at a time. Let us know how you went finding a counsellor.

Well, I won't repeat the good advises others have given you. But I have a question - is there something that made you laugh or enjoy yourself, for even the briefest moment, in the last two or three weeks?
When I feel super-depressed and lost I sometimes do something that has opposite effects on my mood - like watching a show I love or read an interesting book, music, games etc' - and it reminds me that inside of my mind/brain there is still a 'joy-sense' that works - you provide certain content and it provides enjoyment. Pretty basic uh? But it's something we don't tend to think about. Our ability to find joy in things. And I say as long as this sense isn't dead in me I can still find hope, even if it's just slightly, to go on for another day. Because what do you know? maybe tomorrow you'll enjoy X 10 things.

Thanks for all the replies guys. The reason I can't have therapy right now is because the waiting list is so long and I can't afford to go private. There probably will be a uni councillor, but I needed help BEFORE going back to uni :/ There's too many things I can do myself damage with in uni and nobody keeping an eye on me 24/7. I don't feel any more prepared for going back after a summer away, other than I at least now know what the problem is so I'll be more aware of what's happening and that I can try to stop it.

I just feel so tired. I spend half the days in the gym so I don't have to think. I look forward to bed time so I can not think. I've fallen out with my best friend because I said he doesn't understand how I feel, and my dad told me to 'stop wallowing'. I hate seeming so weak, still hurting over a boy who obviously doesn't want me anymore. A friend told me it isn't fair to rely on Ryan for my happiness, which is a fair point; but I am seeing friends, going on trips etc, doing all the right moves. But Ryan lights up my life just a little more than anyone else I've been making an effort to do things for myself that I enjoy - going to the gym, listening to new music etc. But it just isn't the same without him. I'm going to Thailand tomorrow and sent him a text message asking him to write me a letter for when I get back, as he hasn't spoken to me since the last time we saw eachother and I'd really like to know how he's doing and stuff. But I don't think he'll reply and I feel stupid. I just want a chance to try and prove myself Right now I feel like... what's the point making an effort to learn from mistakes and improve as a person when even then Ryan still won't love me anymore probably.

I feel ridiculous.