Do you think I'm BPD? Confused and need help

Hello all! I match a great deal of the traits described in BPD, and I wanted your advice on whether you thought I likely am BPD. I've written out below certain characteristics of myself.

Making it known, and going out of my way to say, that I don't have feelings for people, before hooking up with them

In my current relationship, me and my boyfriend have broken up repeatedly. Intimacy has been the major cause of this – he says I show virtually no affection for him (especially publicly), to the point where he complains we don’t even look like we're dating

All ex boyfriends have ended up hating me and saying I was ‘crazy’. In all occassions, I have felt the need to break up with the BF first, before eventually getting back together with him. Each ex has then broken up with me

I hate touching others, hugging etc, and affection…to the point where I asked my parents about it, and found out I have been exceptionally unaffectionate since I was a baby.

I always try to be the center of attention – to the extreme, and also am extremely flirtatious (naturally flirtatious) with guy friends. This actually contradicts the last statement, but i've been known to hold hands, frequently hug, and sit on the laps of guy friends (many of whom develop feelings for me..more on that later)

I put up a façade of being the happiest girl when in public situations, friends with everyone, but close friends know it’s often an act. Appearances are extremely important to me and I try to look very popular

I've been told I can be unusually, and exceptionally irritable, and my mood changes very quickly. Even small things can set me off into a bad mood (eg if the price of a ticket I want goes up). I've noticed my typing style is very similar to many BDP's on this forum. I often type ‘UGH’ before explaining how something or someone irritates me…slight things will set me off, and I'm often irritated. Friends claim my irritability is definitely not normal.

Bad temper and rage resulting from situations that, apparently, normally wouldn’t cause passionate anger – I get in many heated verbal confrontations with friends

Impulsive actions - Known for ripping into people I dont even know on Facebook (even joining in other friends’ conversations with random people)…with very, very harsh and bold things to say about them, which are most often undeserved (according to friends)

Extremely passionate writing and talking style (seems similar to the writing style of many BPDs on this forum) “ eg. it was pointed out to me that I recently wrote: 'I am in LOVE with three of my roommates, but cant STAND my other roommate! I got in a MASSIVE fight with her because she left our common area dirty. Get this – she called me a PARANOID SCHITSOPHRENIC’…in this instance, the roommate I 'can’t stand' is actually a close friend of mine

Instable friendships - Many guy friends have cut me out of their life after I have flirted with them heavily for a period of time, before rejecting them once they discuss their feelings for me

I have been told I display vulnerability on a subconscious level, yet on the surface I am unusually sure of myself and can be exceptionally confident at times

Attracted to men who put me down (initially) and seem narcissistic

Very easily bored

Problem sleeper – must take medication

One particular situation stands out. This is how the situation was described to me from a mutual friend: A very close guy friend had feelings for me, and for many months there had been intense chemistry and sexual tension…this guy friend thought they had a ‘connection’. This was also pointed out by mutual friends, and was apparently obvious. The first night seeing him after I officially found out about the love this guy had (I found out from a mutual friend), I was exceptionally flirty with him, and held his hand much of the night etc. Despite this, he never made a move with me (I found out later he had started to see someone else by then). He was visiting from out of town – so he was staying the night at my house. Upon getting home, I called up a random neighbor, setting up a hookup right in front of this guy friend. He spent the night forced to listen to me having sex with this random guy. After that weekend, this close guy friend felt that as a longtime friend, it was very wrong of me to, after finding out he had really strong feelings for me, be so flirty all night, only to turn around and so blatantly hookup with another guy in front of him. He apparently felt so misled and betrayed that he wrote a letter to her demanding answers. I never thought there was any chemistry, connection, or anything of the sort, and I had absolutely no feelings for him, and never had. After finding this out, he cut me out of his life.

Months later, he sent me a letter, where he profusely apologized for cutting me out of his life. In response, I made it clear she felt absolutely no sorrow or negative feelings relating to his departure from my life. It was like I had no attachment to him at all – and was emotionally completely detached. Our mutual friend claims all of my communication was extremely terse and seemingly without any emotion, at least on the surface. Much of what I said was, apparently, exceptionally cold (ie I said I'd redo the night if I had to go back).

During the months after this, I saw my ex guy friend in the street several times. Each time, I felt the need to go out of my way to walk up to the person he was with, and talk to them, while completely ignoring my ex guy friend as if he wasn't even there. I don't think I even looked him in the eye.

Based on everything written above, do you think I likely have BPD? What are your thoughts? Does anything stand out?

Also, in terms of the story above, do you think I hooked up with the random neighbor as a way to (subconsciously) ‘abandon’ the guy who I just found out had strong feelings for me? Sometimes I dont even understand myself. Thank you for your help

hi there -

welcome to the forums! i'm glad you're self-aware of your symptoms and that you've done some thorough research on what you think you may have. have you been formally diagnosed? under the supervision/care of a doctor?

Hi Wineaux,

No I've just done research on the internet to date. I'd like to get some initial opinions before going to a psychiatrist.

Thanks

Hi there,

I have no idea if you have BPD or not, and I don't really think anybody can tell you otherwise other than a professional psychiatrist or doctor.

It's like horoscopes or star signs - you can fit yourself into them perfectly most of the time, but whether it's true or not, nobody knows.

I don't like the idea that people can try explain or excuse their behaviour with a serious illness (not that I'm saying that is what you are doing.) You are who you are regardless of what diagnosis you have. You have to responsible for your actions/behaviour.

You do sound like you have issues with intimacy, your emotions and interpersonal relationships for sure. I would definitely look at getting help with these issues, especially if they are causing you problems.

Speak to your GP about it, they will be able to offer more insight into whether they think you need to see a psychiatrist etc.

Good luck.

great response sheeba! couldn't have said it better myself.

take a gander at these and see if they fit you as well: borderline-personality/topic92781.html

grab some books, read as much as you can. it helps when you're going to go in and finally see someone to say look: these are the things i believe i am suffering from and here's WHY.

perform like a dr. house white board on yourself it could be fun!