Question on Severity of Symptoms?

I was diagnosed with BPD in 2004 at 20 years old.

Since then I have developed more impulse control than I realize. I see 8 of the 9 criteria in myself. Sort of.

1. frantic efforts to avoid abandonment. I attempted suicide 2 years ago over percieved rejection. I do the leave be before he dumps me and have tried to move out twice in 2 years. I have lots of thoughts - but have some impulse control to not do it. I see the pattern, but I'm not acting on it like I used to

2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. I've been in a stable relationship for 3 years, but it is definitely stressed by the idealization and devaluation. It can happen in a moment and is disturbing. I don't share it. My fiance doesn't know about it. But the thoughts are there and upsetting.

3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. Yeah, that. Definitely that. But a common example is a patient that has dramatic changes in dress and behavior. I've got that tamed down by carefully limiting my wardrobe, jewelry and makeup selection. Can't go wrong that way now. I struggle especially with identity because I have a mood disorder in addition to BPD.

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). I have done binge and starve since childhood. I recently lost 30 pounds in 2 months. I also overspend, but it is proably linked to the mood disorder.

5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior I cut for 14 years, stopping 5 months ago and a tattoo on my wrist to remind me to not do it. I still want to, but refuse to do it.

6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days) Definitely have that!

7. chronic feelings of emptiness. Every day. Not all day, but every day and separate from depression too.

8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights) No, this is under control now. In 2004 it wasn't.

9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. Yes, but not often.

So what do you think? am I high-functioning? am I maturing out of it? am I NOT BPD? I am confused. When I'm on the bipolar forum I frequent I totally understand and identify with people's stories. Here, I identify the sotries, but the logic and writing style is unfamiliar to me. I feel dsiconnected and doubt whether the BPD diagnosis is valid. It feels unreal.

I'm in remission from bipolar disorder symptoms and I feel affected by BPD strongly. It's impairing my ability to function, but at the same time I feel like .... I don't know. Fake? It's unsettling. I don't want to dive into new therapy for something I don't have. I don't want to suffer with something because I'm too proud to seek help.

Hi tortoise11,
you asked: ..So what do you think? am I high-functioning? am I maturing out of it? am I NOT BPD? I am confused. When I'm on the bipolar forum I frequent I totally understand and identify with people's stories. Here, I identify the sotries, but the logic and writing style is unfamiliar to me. I feel dsiconnected and doubt whether the BPD diagnosis is valid. It feels unreal.

my experience with my own symptoms is that i am able to bring under control some symptoms, other develop differently. For me there are two important fronts. One, what you think, what you see, what you research,...sometimes we are a soort of cocktail, so is not alone one mental disorder.
What is important is that we realize that we can have bits of different things and still be able to function to a certain degree.

The other front is talking to a professional, whether this involves taking medicine is something that you have to see of pros and cons. Talking to a professional will not give him the last word, you live in your body, you know what works and what not.
We will not fit totally a category, and at the same time we will uitgrow some symptoms with time and knowledge.
You are doing good in many ways but i still think that you need to look for someone professional in the are to share your view.

good luck

I am waiting to get in with a new therapist. Actually I saw her for 2 - 3 sessions before my diagnoses about 5 years ago. We didn't get in very far, but I remember that I liked her and felt safe there. Feeling hopeful about it.

tortoise11 wrote:I was diagnosed with BPD in 2004 at 20 years old.

Since then I have developed more impulse control than I realize. I see 8 of the 9 criteria in myself. Sort of.

1. frantic efforts to avoid abandonment. I attempted suicide 2 years ago over percieved rejection. I do the leave be before he dumps me and have tried to move out twice in 2 years. I have lots of thoughts - but have some impulse control to not do it. I see the pattern, but I'm not acting on it like I used to

2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. I've been in a stable relationship for 3 years, but it is definitely stressed by the idealization and devaluation. It can happen in a moment and is disturbing. I don't share it. My fiance doesn't know about it. But the thoughts are there and upsetting.

3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. Yeah, that. Definitely that. But a common example is a patient that has dramatic changes in dress and behavior. I've got that tamed down by carefully limiting my wardrobe, jewelry and makeup selection. Can't go wrong that way now. I struggle especially with identity because I have a mood disorder in addition to BPD.

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). I have done binge and starve since childhood. I recently lost 30 pounds in 2 months. I also overspend, but it is proably linked to the mood disorder.

5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior I cut for 14 years, stopping 5 months ago and a tattoo on my wrist to remind me to not do it. I still want to, but refuse to do it.

6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days) Definitely have that!

7. chronic feelings of emptiness. Every day. Not all day, but every day and separate from depression too.

8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights) No, this is under control now. In 2004 it wasn't.

9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms. Yes, but not often.

So what do you think? am I high-functioning? am I maturing out of it? am I NOT BPD? I am confused. When I'm on the bipolar forum I frequent I totally understand and identify with people's stories. Here, I identify the sotries, but the logic and writing style is unfamiliar to me. I feel dsiconnected and doubt whether the BPD diagnosis is valid. It feels unreal.

I'm in remission from bipolar disorder symptoms and I feel affected by BPD strongly. It's impairing my ability to function, but at the same time I feel like .... I don't know. Fake? It's unsettling. I don't want to dive into new therapy for something I don't have. I don't want to suffer with something because I'm too proud to seek help.

You could be someone with high functioning BPD who is able to control it in certain situations? Are there some areas that you lack control?
I'd suggest getting an assesment from a psychologist and see what they diagnose you with. I was thinking it could just be your personality with BPD traits, although I'm obviously not a medical professional - I couldn't say!

tortoise11 wrote:I am waiting to get in with a new therapist. Actually I saw her for 2 - 3 sessions before my diagnoses about 5 years ago. We didn't get in very far, but I remember that I liked her and felt safe there. Feeling hopeful about it.

Hi,i hope you can find someone who can help you to move forward...i have noticed with my psiquiatrist that when i begin to feel a bit safe...he takes a step back...i think that maybe it means that i can not lean on him, he will supply some things that should help me to move on...so there wont be much place for an emotional attachment.

sometimes one helps in a stage and then another one a different moment,
unconfortable, but it is a way of avoiding dependance in any way. good luck!

The way I look at it is: does it really matter if you meet the full criteria for bpd or not? If these symptoms are bothering you and interfering with your life, then you should seek help, regardless of whether they can be classified as bpd or not.

Although for what it's worth, if you see a lot of traits of bpd in yourself, and they're interfering with your life in some way, regardless of how "severe" they are, I'd say you probably do have bpd. I'm not a professional though, this is just my opinion

And you're not "faking". The things you described are real, you're not making anything up, and like you said, they're affecting your ability to function.

I hope you get the help you need and things start to improve for you.