did it again!!!!

Im so so stupid!!!!! After my psych told me that she has boundaries and not to message her at 11pm at night, i manage to send one last night at 10.30pm!!!!

Im such a stupid, dumb headcase!!!!

Cant believe i did it again.

Im sure im on the verge if losing her as a therapist. i instantly sent apology message and she said it was ok but so so worried ive really done the wrong thing! Should i just leave it for now or send another sorry message?

Worried!

I'd let it be for now you apologized she said it was ok. You don't wanna engage any further and risk making things worse than they are now. I'm sure its fine just try to distract yourself and not react any further.

Thanks wc. You sound like something she would say. Feel so so stupid. i just cant help it. I so wish i had someone in my life so my therapist wouldnt as be as important to me! At the moment shes all ive got and i pay her to be in my life. how even more stupid is that??

She's not ALL that you have. You have people here. And nothing stupid at all about paying her to be in your life. At least she is hopefully helpful and knowledgeable. That in itself is worth at least a little something.

You DIDN'T send her a message at 11 p.m. And you apologized, she accepted. It's time to stop beating yourself up.

You can help yourself by finding late night support. Is there someone you can text or facebook? How about journaling or blogging - do those help you? Maybe there is someone here that you trust that you can chat or message?

Part of boundaries is accepting "no" as an answer. Wow, is it ever HARD to do! You can help yourself accept the no's by having many options. If one friend is not up to listening to me, I can contact another, go to a forum to vent, blog or journal.

It was really hard for me to build the beginning of a support system. It's hard to get close enough to be able to talk about this stuff freely but not destroy the relationship. Online support is important for me - there are people that I would not be able to tolerate IRL but online they are great.

First off winter its not stupid i promise we've all been there and i agree with both reflection and tortoise11 you have other people here and maybe other online support groups. Just reach out also to friends even if its just to simply distract your mind sometimes small talk is better than nothing. I sent you a pm and i hope you're feeling better about the situation things happen you just sometimes have to take a step back and try to think clearly even when it seems almost impossible...but you can do this hun just believe in yourself don't count yourself out yet you deserve more credit than you're giving yourself. You even apologized that's a step in right the direction and instead of blowing up her phone you posted on here again progress. Try to focus on the positive things instead of the negative our brains have enough of the self defeating thinking lets try to overpower it with some positive thoughts for once!

Thanks guys. Taken me a few days but finally come to terms with my behaviour towards therapist. Thanks for your support nothing I can do now but i do realise looking from her side of things i must be acting like a child! Erratic, unthoughtful and not aware of the consequences until afterwards. I've not scheduled another session with her for now, might give her a break from me for a bit. Don't want to scare her off so I might try and post on here a bit more for support. It will be hard but going to see if I can do it for at least 1 week. Wish me luck!