Fear of Losing my 5 Year Relationship

Hello , I am new to this site hopefully I am posting this in the right place. I am dealing with a very tough time right now and I just didn't know who to turn too. I don't know anyone who has BPD and I could really use some insight from someone who has it in common with me. I have been with my boyfriend Andrew for almost 5 years now. We have had our fights in the past but recently I fear he is falling out of love with me. I have OCD, BPD, and Panic disorder. Obviously I do tend to get over emotional or worry way to much about the smallest things. What I am wondering is if maybe I am driving myself nuts with worry for nothing. Andrew has not had an easy go at things himself he was only 16 when he left abusive foster homes to make his own way in life. When We met he was 19 and I was 17 we moved out together and went through a lot of hardships as he and I both hard a very hard time holding down jobs. After we moved back to my home town I decided to live at home to ease his burden until I would get myself together and be a working member of the household instead of him doing everything. Just 6 months ago he got a job at Mc Donalds working overnights. everything was great at first I would go spend the weekends off at his house with him. He was more happy and confident then I have seen him in a long time and he became manager in the first 3 months. Then just last week they decided he wasn't trained enough to be a manager so they are calling him a manager in training and paying him staff pay which I don't even believe to be legal. Anyway the weekend after this happened he told me he didn't want me to come over which was a first. I cried all weekend thinking he didn't want to see me and wanted to break up. On the Tuesday after the weekend he got up at 12 and took me out for lunch. He even called the house to ask for me instead of texting and picked the place. I thought everything was going to be ok. The next weekend rolls around and it's the same thing. So we talk about it and he says as cliche as it is its not you its me. He says he cant think straight and he feels like he is going nowhere in life. Just going to work at night and sleeping all day. I mean literally all day. He gets off at 7 am and sleeps till like 10 at night. He used to have depression problems as a child I am wondering if its being triggered by all of the stress at work. If it is depression then I just want to help him so bad but he is being soo distant. Why would he make the effort to take me out last week if he was losing his love for me. Maybe the depression is the cause of him being cold. I just don't know and my mind wont let me stop being scared for the worst. I have never loved anyone the way I love Andrew he is a part of me I just cant see life without him and he said he couldn't see his life without me which is what made me realize maybe he doesn't want to break up but he needs time alone and i'm crowding him. Uhg I am just so confused and hate seeing him upset so much. Either way I know I am worrying that crap out of myself and cant seem to calm down. It's making me sick to my stomach. If anyone has any ideas of how I can try to keep myself calm through all of this or insight about this situation I would really love to hear it. He and I have been through tougher things I don't want to give up on this and I don't think he does but I don't want it to get to that point. Thanks for reading

Hun, it sounds as if your fears of abandonment are specifically related to your BPD. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. As a HPD in recovery I can identify with the intense emotions you're going through in lots of ways.

As you feel so isolated, I am going to post this to the BPD forum, where they are very understanding and supportive, and can give you understanding and advice. I will also leave a Shadow Thread in Relationships so that you can get support here too.

I wish you well.

Oh ok I wasn't sure if I posted it the right place. Thanks so much. Could you possibly link me to where you moved this ? I don't know how to find it :p

Sent you a PM, hun, explaining how to find your posts

Hi, I am new to this forum. After reading your post, and many other's it seems like I can relate more than I ever thought I would. I'm going through a similar situation right now with my boyfriend of over 4 years. We've been having problems ever since I had a big breakdown about 4 months ago. He was distant as well, and also pulled the "It's not you, it's just me" line and told me he needed time to think about things. He also suffers from depression as well, which makes the mix of our disorders a battlefield. I recently thought everything was going okay, he spent two weeks at my house and we seemed to have a wonderful time. I thought he had fallen back in love with me. He told me he wanted to marry me and stick with me no matter what. After he went back home he stopped talking to me. It's been over a week and he keeps telling me he needs time to think again. He told me he doesn't want to see me any time soon, and that it's nothing I did and to not worry. But how can I not? My mind thinks of the worst, I am also in fear I'm crowding my boyfriend and that he will soon leave me. I do not think that I can handle a breakup, I love him more than anything and I only see my life with him. As a person with BPD, I do think of the worst outcome. I am filled with doubt and paranoia. I've been spending the week crying, and feel sick to my stomach. I am dreading what's to come next, and am full of uncertainty. I know this isn't necessarily advice, and that I'm more so relating and ranting on your forum, but what I'd like you take out of this is that you aren't alone. As someone with BPD, I know firsthand how hard keeping stable relationships are. I recently started DBT, and hope that will help me find coping techniques to deal with my relationship problems, and find ways to mend them. Have you looked into DBT yet? It may help. I wish you the best of luck!