Help

Im not going to go into all the details because i will be here forever but basically, I have been doing a lot of reading on Borederline personality and every different description of it suits me to a t. Im worried and dont want to tell my counciller i think this because i'm sure if i was she would have spotted it, true? But I terrified and dont want to go to my own doctor or anything because I am so terrified of not being taken seriously and being laughed at I was just wondering if any one could suggest anything like an email for someone or something please Im completely lost of what to do and im very scared. Thank you

Hey Ali, I'm going through the same thing, except for that I've told my psychologist & past psychiatrist. My 1st psychiatrist (who was a resident in a psych hospital, & couldn't even get my stats right) LAUGHED IN MY FACE TWICE when I brought up the possibility of BPD. She actually brought it up two weeks after I had mentioned it, just to say "remember when you thought you had BPD *haha* -- that was so funny". Unfortunately, psychiatrists are usually fairly prickish, & tend to not respect the opinions of their clients.

However, I've found a really good one now, but I've not brought up the possibility w/ her... since mood stabilizers are used for both bipolar & BPD. As long as my symptoms are being treated, I don't feel the need to inquire about it. I've told my current psychologist, & we're going through my childhood right now, to give her more info to work with.

It would be a good thing to bring it up with your councelor, just to see what her thoughts are on it. It takes quite a while to diagnose a personality disorder, since by definition it's pervasive & ingrained -- so the T needs time to see if your behavior is consistant, & not just episodic. BPD is often first diagnosed as bipolar, because of this. Also, I've read a ton on BPD, but keep learning new information that reminds me that there's so much that only a professional can know about the exact nuances of the disorder. Therefore, it's best to let your therapist or psychiatrist know ALL of your symptoms, particularly the ones that cause impairment or distress; they should be able to take it from there.

I would wait on telling the doctor, as he/she specializes in handing out drugs more than understanding all of the aspects of the person's impairments/distress', & getting the perfect diagnosis. It's more of an issue of time, than lack of involvement, since they have to review your problems as well as find the right prescriptions for you in about 50 minutes. However, if you feel that you need medicine to treat your symptoms, or that the med that you are on isn't treating the full range of your problems, you should tell your doctor about it. But there's really no reason to ask the doctor about BPD, since knowing your symptoms will help him get the right meds, more than just giving you a label & the corresponding meds.

~Jessie[/b]

The most important aspect in life it seems that people want and need to be valued, accepted and validated. No one on this planet seems to feel this way and is causing people to do all sorts of things.

In my experience, if we don't get what we want, we develope a sense of 'nobody loves me', 'nobody wants me' or 'nobody understands me'. These negative thoughts have us automatically brainwashing ourselves all through our lives, but is it really OUR fault? NO, it is not! BUT we can do something about it.

From the first day that we are born, we are automatic sinners, whether we like it or not, it is then up to our parents to nurture us, protect us and love us. At an early age in our lives we are almost always thinking about ourselves and how we fit into the world, through other people, communication and how our parents have taught us to be. Our peers also have an influence into our life and also have participated into shaping our world, our personalities. Growing up is a big deal as we learn to live our lives and do our best. It is not always easy, but very early on . . if we have in anyway felt that it has been anyway less than enjoyable, then we definately and automatically start the automatic negative thought processes that cloud our internal self and make all external issues become internal issues. Thus clearly beating ourselves up because of them. Over time as we develope these thought patterns, we really have not seen other positive ways to deal and help ourselves survive our broken past or understand how it went that way. In some cases, it is never talked about or even discussed and so we feel alone, abandoned and scared. The remarkable things is that there are millions of people who feel exactly the same way. Wow, thats alot of people, in the same or similar situation who need help. Can you imagine bringing all these people together and getting them to help each other, then would they feel lonely, misunderstood or even forgotten? NO! of course not and it is up to ourselves to help ourselves, no matter what it takes, we have got to do it.

The most critical thing about your life and personality is that it is made of the most 5 pivotal events and people that have really shaped our lives, rather than all the years put together, think about it . . what 5 major events in your life that really stood out and what 5 pivotal people in your life has really stood out. This can have a dramatic effect on yourself and how you have developed your mind, your thoughts and your personality.

By talking to a professional counsellor or a therapist, they will help you go through the events in your life that have shaped you today. It could be a very emotional and difficult process, but it will help you to start to understand who you are, where you have come from and where you are going. Going through this process will help your mind deal with past pivotal events and people, whether you were close or distant to them. End your struggle in life by helping yourself, being open to your counsellor.

jesseryn: I feel that you are very overwelmed with fear and your letting allsorts of negative thoughts go into your mind. Stop and think, write down how you feel in a personal diary and keep it, then challenge the bad thoughts by reading the thoughts out loud and really questioning the bad thoughts. Do I really think that the counsellor will laugh at me when I tell him or her about borderline personality disorder?... Well, not really but If it does happen, I will move onto another therapist until I feel comfortable with that person. I am not giving away my power for nothing.

I wish you the best and good luck!

PoisonOakley

i have no idea if this wil ever get read or anyone will ever reply or anything i will just write as if i was writing in my little (well not so little) book kind of diary thingy!

Does it just happen all so suddenly? You just wake up one morning manage to get the courage you need to look in the mirror and think, $#%^, who is this looking back at me? Who am i? What do i want? Where am i going? What is the point?

I'm a totally different person at different times.

Take anyone one day i idolize them they are the best thing ever but dont talk to me for a short length of time i feeel like they dont want or need me anymore, it makes me so angry and i hate them, everything was a lie. They never really cared. Everything was fantastic from the word go, i always fall to deep too soon its like im in love instantly. i am not alone anymore for a while someone loves me, but when you anger me i dont take it out on you well not all of it. i take it out on me. Im on self destruct. i drink too much, smoke the occasional cannabis risky sex, harm myself physically, put myself in situations that i know are going to be of bad for me (eg. sleeping with your ex who you still love) the thing is i dont even realize what im doing, i just dont think, im reckless.

i cant hold a mood down, i switch, flip i cant help it there is no inbetween i am so overly emotional and sensitive.
i know i have been diagnosed with depression, i have been on tablets and in councilling for a year and it has worked if only slightly but i still just am too disfunctional and if this is what im going to be forever..... if this is normal, god help me Iwant to die more than ever!
The things i have to say are endless I have no idea if some of anything is relevant but it all just feels it. Everything is just so crazy how can i feel all this and then in an instant just feel so empty. i mean sometimes i have so much emotion i cant be bothered to go into it all. Other times i just dont have anything.

i mean i read some posts on here about on the internet and pretending to be someone else. I have 71 people on my msn contacts 3 of them are people i know my friends the rest are men who i have told things and i say i will meet them all but truth is i cant because i have told them all one big lie. I cant keep my head straight all these mood changes al the things i do and say i dont know where i am half the time...

Does the fact that i feel so worthless sometimes i cant even bring myself to capitilize the i when im writing about myself i feel so worthless, but jus this morning i was thinking how so many people liked me, what is going on?v Does any of this mean anything, im babbling. i'm going to stop.

Guest- that makes perfect sense, you described me completley. for what its worth, i understand and you are not alone.

Good good it just feels very lonely as i know there are loads of people like this no one i ever met you know? people are here online but it all seems so sureal you know?