Aiming desire

What do you try to aim your desires towards?

If I wanted to draw or travel or read or sing or socialise with others as much as I wanted my partner, I would be far healthier and no doubt our relationship would be too. The fact is I don't. Not naturally. My natural inclination is to "just want everything to be ok between us" and "do anything" to achieve that. But my natural inclination got me here.

I'm going to try learning to want other things as much- other contacts, pets, places, movies...and maybe I'll even go a whole day without longing for things to be alright.

Has anyone got any experience with this kind of "reprogramming"? Am I on to something?

I do have hobbies and interests and I'm not completely without an indentity (although it is skewed at times) I am actually pretty diverse. But it all gets forgotten whenever there's a whiff of relationship concern. What I'd really like is to be able to say "not going well? I think I'll get the guitar out."