Am I Crazy? *MAY TRIGGER*

I always criticize my friend and express my feelings in a harsh way, and completely explode my emotions all on her, constantly using complex metaphors. I always doubt our friendship, and whether she really wants to be my friend, or is she pretends to be in vain of my overreactions and jealousy. She then tells me she doesn't want to be my friend because I'm crazy beyond a mental disease (BPD). Am I, or is this normal behavior?

Hi there! Welcome to our forum :0).

I have to tell you that you made me chuckle, and not because of what you had to say - but if you are crazy for the way you're acting, I wonder what that says for the rest of us? Most of us are happy to be in the nuthouse together here, its a comforting place to be.

As for whether or not your relationship with your friend is okay, or healthy - I think if you're already bringing up this idea, then you may be aware that you are not. In my own personal experience, it sounds like transference of your pain and insecurity onto your friend. Have you thought about getting to the root of some of those issues, or possibly attacking them in therapy?

You don't have to, but most of us here are having more success in therapy than those that haven't yet been, or that have decided not to go. This is not always the case for every person though :0).

My best to you - and again, welcome!

<3

AMP

Glad to make you laugh! She's very bipolar and I can never talk with her without going off tangent. Yet we get along so well because we're the only people who understand each other, and that is key in our friendship, although we lack trust--she told me that last year, when she wanted to take a break from our friendship, that I freaked out and overreacted. So ever since then she's been basically hiding feelings from me in vain of her safety of my overreactions. Ever since she told me, I go paranoid about everyone and everything. Does my dad really love me (I have an intense fear of him dying)? And I always question our friendship by asking her wheter she wants to be my friend to the point where she is sick of it. And she has called me ###$ up more than an insane person. She has called me nasty things, but she is right, and but I just can't accept it. I'm never satisfied with anything. She used to tell people that I was overprotective, and so now I just don't know what to do. Sorry to vent

Vent away, my lil venter! We all do it here, and this is a place where as long as its respectful to other members, it's encouraged <3


AMP

I felt a connection with what your friend might be feeling. I have a friend diagnosed with BPD and she does the exact same things. I shy away from her when she gets intensely angry....even though I love her very much! Her anger frightens me. Perhaps you might consider telling her exactly what you're feeling....or suggesting you have lunch to discuss things when you're not angry.

Sometimes, I feel as if my BPD friend is more upset with herself than she is with me. You might be transferring your feelings towards her to ease your own pain. Of course, only you know the answers to how you're feeling. My friend fears I will leave her, yet I need boundaries for my own health. I know her fears are genuine and they are real in her mind. I will never leave my friend, but sometimes she pushes me away. She also tries to make me jealous. But, I realize these are BPD related fears/traits and they are REAL for the person experiencing them......very much like my own fears are real to me.

Talking to her when you feel less stressed might help. Maybe suggest doing something you like to do together would ease some of what you're feeling, too. See a movie, have lunch, go for a walk in the park....sometimes the simplest things are the best.

Everyone has fears.....so don't be too hard on yourself!

Something else I thought about after writing.....

I think you are very intuitive! You seem to recognize you might be treating your friend in a "harsh" way, so I don't think you want to intentionally "hurt" her. When my BPD friend gets harsh with me, it's helpful to me when she say's she's sorry. Then, I know the "harshness" isn't about me, per say. It's how she feels inside in the moment of severe stress/anxiety/depression. She sometimes tells me, "don't take it personally." At first, I didn't know her diagnosis, so this made no sense to me. How does a person not take it "personally" when being yelled at? However, I now realize she was trying to tell me her anger wasn't directed at me personally. It was due to her own inner struggle due to BPD, anxiety and depression.

Vent all you want! I'm also fairly new to the forums, but have received lots of helpful advice here!