To all the girls I loved B4

I feel good knowing about all this, but at 35, It's a bummer that I threw away so many good relationships on account of thinking something just wasn't right with each of them, and now come to find out it's been me all along. Actually it's crazy how I've been looking at everything in my life with such skepticism. I'm hoping that I can alleviate problems in the future by resolving not to emphasize negative feelings or compound relationship/emotional issues. Maybe that won't really work but I think that I've learned alot about relationships and dealing with issues over the last few years. I'm hoping when I combine years of growth with an understanding that I have a genetic predisposition to unwarranted conflict, I'll be able to mitigate the issues I've had with relationships. As for my internal sense of well being, I'm interested to see what kind of progress I can make with that. Now that I realize my concerns are often over accentuated due to BPD I'm hoping I can learn(force myself) to trust people and move through the turbulence undisturbed.

I just read about BPD for the first time two days ago and so it's all sinking in. I've read that often people work out their issues in their late 30's early 40's. I'm figuring now that I know I can make the relationships work as I've always been a good partner I've just struggled with commitment as I've always felt something was wrong in my gut. Now I realize it's just me I'm over analytic and it's in my nature to be skeptical about relationships. I really want to have a lasting relationship and I am currently trying to get my ex back although I know the problems were not all in my head I realize alot of them were and I can accept the other things as long as primary needs are met.

I'm so glad I found this place to talk about the issues of my life where others can relate. I thought all the relationship chaos was some sort of fluke that followed me around.

Yes, we here know a lot about chaos :0).


Welcome to the forum! And yes, I think you made a great point - many of us do begin to work out our issues in our 30's to 40's. I'm 31, and I've been working on myself in therapy for almost 2 years now.

I really am happy that you have found the forum to be helpful, and I think that you'll find its a very supportive community - I found my own diagnosis here, and wouldn't know what to do without this place. It's my sanctuary, and my happy place - its the only place I feel that others know what I'm talking about, even when I'm ranting. And you are welcome to rant all you want :0).

Again, we welcome you, and we're glad to have you!

<3

AMP