Boyfriend Issue *Trigger*

Okay so this is a little odd (suprise, suprise)... anyway, today I went on my boyfriends computer and was ....ahem... shall we say snooping? Yeh I know, not right and I have stopped myself before but my paranoia at the moment is ridiculous! Anyway we have had issues over a girl he was briefly seeing and who he had a massive thing for for years before me, who he claims he doesn't care for anymore. I try not to make it about her because I've met her and she is actually a nice person, plus it's not her fault how he feels.

Moving on the issue is today when I was.... snooping, I found a sort of hidden file, separate from his other photos that had pictures of lots of his friends but also quite a few of her. There were pictures of her (by herself in bathers) etc and it had been made in December last year. This was after we had already had an argument about him having pictures like that of her on his computer (I said I would get it if the pictures were like friendly etc but some were her bending over in bathers and made me really uncomfortable) .....

Anyway this is really difficult because a) obviously I should not have been looking.
b) it's not this girls fault that he may or may not still have feelings for her or whatever (and in a weird way I feel guilty that I have these thoughts almost like if she knew I would be making her feel bad and she's done nothing wrong)
c) I do not understand why after the issues we have had he would choose to make a separate file and put photos of her in there.... also, there were none of me haha I laugh but that seriously hurt.

chaotically_numb wrote:Anyway this is really difficult because a) obviously I should not have been looking.

yes, it's going to be extremely difficult... for you.. No matter, what you do..

b) it's not this girls fault that he may or may not still have feelings for her or whatever (and in a weird way I feel guilty that I have these thoughts almost like if she knew I would be making her feel bad and she's done nothing wrong)

I don't think you should beat yourself up here.. If anything give yourself a pat on the back, because your very aware... It wouldn't surprise me if MOST would be pissed off at the girl too, and that's as far as it went. You're very rational here realizing that it's not her fault...

c) I do not understand why after the issues we have had he would choose to make a separate file and put photos of her in there.... also, there were none of me haha I laugh but that seriously hurt.

Well this goes along with (A), because more than likely you're going to lose either way. If you say nothing... More than likely it will eat away at you, and at some point you'll get into an arguement and use it against him.. Very possible..

This is basically pandoras box.

The only way that you're going to know for sure is to ask, and if you do you run the risk that he won't trust you in the future.

I"m not saying what he did is right, because it's not. It's also not right what you did either. What he did is wrong. He should've never had there to begin with. You discuss this him, and he apologizes etc.. It's reasonable, and probably likely he will have trust issues with you, and you will have trust issues with him.

I wish that I saw some great solution here for you, but in this case I don't see one...