Sexual submission/masochism fantasies (personal)*TRIGGER****

Does anyone happen to know if these are generally more common among those with BPD than the rest of the population? I'm talking a sexual preference for submission, humiliation, name calling etc, especially young women (like me) who are affected. I suppose a childhood abuse link is possible.

Thanks

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Hi,

I can't speak for anyone else with BPD. I have done some work in therapy around what you're talking about but before knowing I had a BPD diagnosis, which made it very difficult to get anywhere. I coudn't cope with the feelings that came up at all. The therapists' feeling was that childhood trauma was at the root of it, that was his opinion anyway. He isn't to my knowledge someone who specialises in treating people with BPD although I believe he's worked with them before and he's not a psychiatrist. In hindsight I'm angry that he discounted my own belief that I might have BPD - he was totally wrong - so don't know what to make of his other input. In other ways he was excellent, especially re: providing info about trauma in a general sense.

The most I can say for myself is that I try to keep myself safe without completely suppressing my sexuality, which I have done to the degree that I thought I was evil, a demon etc., very black and white, and hope to work through this aspect of myself with BPD appropriate therapy and support.

The other thing that comes to mind, for myself anyway, is that I find myself waiting for "the perfect" relationship that won't involve anything I deem unhealthy. I suspect that isn't the reality and that part of recovery from BPD involves learning through "imperfect" relationships with others, sexual in relation to the subject of this thread, and in general.

Would be interested in others' experience too.

I hadn't really thought about it until recently. I got talking online with a girl who's into D/s (we started talking about my BPD, not anything sexual), and after a time, she said that I should try it; she thinks I'd make a good Dom. I was rather surprised by this. In the clothed world, I'm usually easy going; I'd have said I'd be more submissive than anything. However, in the bedroom, I'm not submissive by any stretch, but I never really saw myself as dominating, either. I'm definitely a pleaser, though. I always try to make sure she's completely satisfied. But I find that and being submissive to be two different things.

Then again, up until about a year ago, I thought I was a non, so that tells you what I know.

As a qualifier, it should be noted that I wasn't abused/neglected as a child. I had a pretty Norman Rockwell childhood; how I turned out like this is anyone's guess.

I'm a 27 year old female.

In my current relationship, I am the dominant one, though I am a switch. Humiliation and name calling is a land mine for me. I will flip my s#it if anyone tries that with me. Sexual mashochism I got over after I got some major and obvious scars that limited what I could wear without getting asked about it.

atomicuniverse wrote:Humiliation and name calling is a land mine for me. I will flip my s#it if anyone tries that with me.

Yup, relate

I don’t know if it has anything to do with being disordered in anyway.
Sexual preference is just that ….a persons preference.
It all boils down to pleasure..
What the individual finds pleasurable for themselves and their partner.

I also agree.. Not into name calling or humiliation.. I find it (for me)degrading.

I've never had a relationship with that element to it, but I can tell you this, like the previous posters, I know my reactions well enough to know that I would never survive a relationship where even consensual derision and abuse were part of it. I struggle constantly to convince myself that I'm worthy of a relationship to begin with, so if my lover were to degrade me, mock me, abuse me, or anything else, even if we both agreed upon it, it would knock me right out of the game.

I am in a D/s relationship and can tell you humiliation is not a part of our dynamic. not interested in that at all. I don't know if more kinksters have bpd but I do know that there are forums available for them for support.

Keys. Check your inbox if you could.