Is it typical to sometimes just not care about others?

I am not sure if this is what is described as "disassociative" but I find that sometimes I am unable to feel moved about something someone has said to me but I feel like I'm supposed to and I'm not sure what this is from. E.g. a family member comes home all flustered and tells a story about the nightmare day they've had and you find that you just don't really care or know what to say so you try to pretend to show some concern and say, "Oh no, that sounds terrible..." and hope they will just get over it soon. Except that if it were to happen to you, you would be mad about it for days...! I feel quite bad for not caring or not feeling at all enthusiastic at times when someone tells me good news unless it directly affects me. I feel selfish and I am not sure if I just only care about myself a lot of the time or if it is part of this illness...

Anyone able to shed some light?

It's the lack of empathy, more so than any dissociation.

I have the same problem. It's hard for me to give a damn for people, but I try lol.

Yes, it's part of the package for us. Sometimes, things hit us like a ton of bricks, and other times, we're DILLIGAF. At times, those moments don't occur at what should be the correct time. A quasi-sad cartoon drawing can bring us to tears, while finding out five people in our hometown just died in a horrific car crash makes us wonder who the Bruins are playing tonight.

It's just one of our (many) little quirks.

So lack of empathy is typical of BDP? I mean, I don't alwaysfeel that way I don't think. I just know I feel it quite often...someone tells me their dad is in hospital or their grandfather died and I don't really care?? How awful is that? Does that improve with treatment?

It can improve with treatment yes, but that's a common symptom of BPD. You're not alone.

Ok thanks for that. At least I'm not a cold hearted witch for no reason

Perhaps we are so often feeling sorry for ourselves and in such pain and feeling so empty that it's impossible to have the emotional energy left to empathise with others. And maybe the times we are able to care is when we are feeling in a better state of mind...

Yea I'm the same way. I can recall my mother telling me about a bad day she had and my response was: "Oh sorry, that really sucks! What're you making for dinner?" She was irritated to say the least. I'm the same with conversations too. If someone is talking about a subject that doesn't interest me (90% of things don't) I don't have anything to say, nor do I care. It's obvious too. I've been realizing that if I at least say one or two sentences whether I mean it or not, it makes the other person happy. So I have no problem doing so most of the time.

I apologize if my wording and grammar is a little off today. I'm feeling kind of foggy.

Well, at the times I am conscious of how I might affect people if I don't at least pretend to care...but it's hard work and I hate it. I sit there and pretend I'm listening and let them talk and I'm sure that comes across like I care and it helps the other person, but I hate the feeling that I'm so abnormal I can't even empathise with someone I'm supposed to care about. I've had a lot of practice being fake so maybe that helps me...but it's really quite painful so have to be fake all the time if you don't want people to dislike having you around.

I have found that I lose concentration a lot when having conversations with people, but I think that could be ADHD because I think that even regular people who aren't that interested in a subject can still stay focused. I don't know...?

Hi Dee!

First off, welcome to our forum! I hope that you will find it useful and supportive. Please PM me anytime that you don't, or if you need some extra support...

In regards to your post, yes, I think that Lia is correct in saying that it is attributed to a lack of empathy.

I feel this way very often, and in my travels with this disorder, sometimes I think it is about the "burnout" process of caring SO MUCH for so many years, that we become burnt out on feeling for others when our own needs and feelings have been ignored.

I wish you well! We're glad to have you!

<3

AMP

Hi Ali,

Thank you for your welcome and your insight...that does make a lot of sense. I am not sure if it's definitely true for me, I would have to do a lot of analysing and I will try it at some stage, but something about it does strike a chord in me. I know I have spent a lot of energy in the past trying to go the extra mile for others. I spend a lot of thought and money when it comes to gifts and if a friend needs my help I go out of my way to help them, but I have never had the same done for me. I remember a few years back a friend of mine was burgled and I got people to chip in money to give her and I contributed the most. But then when my expensive camera was stolen and I was distraught no one did anything, or even seemed to care and I was so upset for a long time about it.

So yes, there's definitely a possibility - it's not something I ever would have connected myself. I thought I was just that way no matter what and would still always be so caring towards others because that's just my nature. But perhaps that's really just me doing so much for others in the hope they will appreciate me and be there for me when I need them and since it hasn't happened perhaps something has clicked in me. Thank you...that's given me something to think about