depression lifts; learned something new

Pretty severe depression hit me for past three months. I just could not shake it. I knew I was being triggered by a co-worker who just would not back down. Friendly and seductive to my face, all knives behind my back. I would go out of my to avoid this person, to no avail.

This person was a huge trigger for me, one I just could not get away from - it felt like I was being stalked, and at times gaslit.

This person just got fired. My depression lifted.

That's it, on the spot, when I heard the news, I was fine again.

It hit me - this 3-month trip into the abyss was not some brain-chemical deficiency, or seasonal thing, it was a external-source trigger.

I am learning.

Intro!!!! YAAAAAY!!!!

I know what it feels like to have an outside source be the root of your pain and torture. Some of us BPD's turn our rage or pain outwards, while others of us turn it inwards (I can honestly say I'm an equal-opportunist here - I do both). I was diagnosed with MDD (major depressive disorder) for awhile, and even with the meds, it didn't do much for me because my true problems were the life's stressors that I was going through at the time (divorce, move back home, etc.).

I think its important for any of us to realize that we can be triggered or made miserable by others in our lives, whether it is friends, co-workers, family, etc. Sometimes we can control our exposure, but in your case, you truly couldn't. I am quite proud of you for getting as far as you did, even with the depression, and realizing it was NOT you.

With that being said, at some part in our lives, we also have to realize that our reactions to these people are all we can control, and take full advantage of the fact that we have the power to take our destinies into our own hands. This isn't always possible from point A to point B, but when it is, it can be a very moving and powerful moment for us - to realize that we have more control than we thought.

Regardless - I'm very proud of you, and VERY happy to hear that the trigger in your life has been eliminated- WOOOO HOOOO!!!! (((((happydance))))


<3

AMP