How were you diagnosed? *Trigger(?)*

Hi everyone...I just have a question for you lovely people.

I'm a non who is currently involved with a guy that I'm so certain has BPD...or, no matter what, many mental health problems that I desperately wish he would get help for.

I'm just interested in how you all came to be diagnosed with BPD, as obviously all of you are self aware enough to be on a forum like this. I understand this could be triggering, so if you don't feel like sharing much, I'm totally ok with whatever you are willing to tell me. I'm just trying to get a feel for how people manage to get diagnosed and for some, get help. I would love if he could at least go in and be evaluated, but he refuses to do it on his own.

He's in so much pain....he's drowning. I don't want to push anything on him, especially when he thinks drugs dumb people down and therapy is brainwash. I just want help for him...not for me so things can be better, for HIM. When he tastes happiness, when he truly smiles....god it's a beautiful thing. I want that for him so much, even if I can't give that to him myself.

I guess what I want is some hope that there is a strategy his family and I can use to help him. Any input is immensely appreciated.

Hey, this is a non here. First, you might be better off at BPDFamily.com. I know it's a controversial site about these parts, but it's better means for people like us.

My question is why do you care whether he's happy if he doesn't care? He's in pain, but that's his pain. Let the man live. Of course, if he's a danger to himself or others, you can get him psychiatric help. That's one of the main ways how people with BPD get diagnosed. They have a full work-up, and that's how it's diagnosed. Until then, just live your life, be as caring as he wants, then move on with your life.

Hell fellow-non

I actually have an account there and used it frequently...I got really tired of the borderline-bashing and demonizing and so don't visit it as much anymore. I like it here because you actually get their side of things and better insight. I do really value the support system there though.

I care because I love him, and he has said before how he wants to feel something other than pain. And actually, he is a harm to himself AND to others. I've had to talk him down from suicide several times now in the last few weeks alone, and he regularly holds knives up to his family and friends when he's raging; not too long ago he threatened to murder his entire family because his brother added me on facebook. I'm tempted to just call 911 next time he freaks out so they can hold him.

I'm not gonna give up on him just because he's lost...that's why everyone else has given up on him.

If someone is threatening suicide or to harm others, call 911. You are not a mental health professional. Let the people who know make the call. They went to school a long time to figure this stuff out. It's not your job to do so. I repeat, call 911 if he is threatening suicide or to harm others.

Well, here's how it happened in my case.

Following a major vehicle crash, I was put on a number of medications. After a time, I realized that I was quite seriously suicidal, and immediately called my GP (whom I trust implicitly). She changed my meds and booked me in for a psych eval. That's when I not only learned what BPD was, but also that I have it.

It's hard to be willing to go in for an evaluation. Doing so means that you have to admit there is a possibility that you have some mental illness, that you're not normal. Especially in Western society, where people with mental illnesses are reviled like modern day lepers. IIt usually takes something extreme to make a person willing to risk being labeled like that. I wish it didn't, but more often than not, that's the case.

My suggestion is to see if he'll poke around here for a bit. He doesn't even have to come here and say "I have BPD." If he just snoops around as a non, maybe he'll see some similarities between what we're going through and what both you and him are going through (as BPD definitely affects more than just the person who has it). It'll also let him see that we're not out of a 1950's movie, sitting in straitjackets and trying to bite our ears. Hopefully, if the stigma of mental illness is what's keeping him from being diagnosed, this may help him get over it. He'll realize that we're people, too. We have jobs, lives and loves, just like anyone else does. We just get a little more emotional than your average bear.

Thank you Johnny, I really appreciate your response

Sometimes I don't think he minds being ill - I think he thinks it makes him interesting. He has self-diagnosed himself in the past as bipolar, with multiple personality disorder, and as a paranoid schizophrenic. Most of his family thinks bipolar, but I've done so much research on BPD that it makes way more sense than bipolar disorder. I think he's ok diagnosing himself because he's the one in control, he's the one labeling himself...going to a professional would actually mean officially being labeled and I think it would make it all the more real that he is not ok. I think a lot of what you said is probably what is holding him back from doing it himself.

He would never take meds and would never go to therapy on his own. I would hate for him to be forcibly institutionalized so I wondered if anyone here managed to go because family or friends convinced them. I just wish he would trust people enough that they DO care about him, and that there IS help, he just has to actually want it.

But thank you so much for your suggestions and your response

First of all, hazard, as a BPD person, I really appreciate your dedication to your SO, and the ability to look past the behaviors and see the pain, and be so willing to help. That's a very patient outlook, and those of us that are BPD really appreciate that.

I think Johnny gave you a glimpse into what its like to be diagnosed, but here is my story.


I was diagnosed as bipolar for six, long years, and was over-medicated, and was not offered therapy, nor was it ever mentioned. In finding these forums quite by accident, but searching for a place I felt that I "belonged" where others would understand me, I found myself on the BPD forum here, and reading others' posts and topics for weeks before having the courage to post, myself. Why? Because I was scared of the label, and didn't fully understand what it meant. For the last year and a half, I've been in therapy, moved to a different state, and am only on one anti-depressant medication and Klonpin. This is a far cry to how my other treatment team saw it fit to "treat" my illness. Being able to print out articles on BPD, and highlighting what I felt "fit" me, I brought it to my therapist who was quite pleased that I had made the connection myself, and said that I had been diagnosed for some time, but they had held it back from me, due to the fact that they were afraid I'd be so adament about NOT having BPD, that I would quit treatment fully.

But that's the exact opposite of what has happened. I have applied to grad school, and am waiting to hear if I am accepted into a major university's Masters of Social Work program, because I want to be a therapist that can help other PD's have adequate help and understanding in a practitioner, and also because I think that many people do not understand us or the causes of this disorder.

I also admire the fact that you want to help so badly - but the only thing is that many of us have to seek the help on our own, due to the amount of dedication it takes to truly get better, and have the courage to change our behaviors and fight our demons.

With that being said, maybe you could drop hints about a great forum that you found, and hope that he finds himself on here, as many of us have. If not, this disorder and the treatment required are not something that another person can force on a person, due to the complexities involved.

However, I really am happy to see a Non on here with such a wonderful attitude towards their SO, with the want and desire to help someone better the quality of their life.

Also, I am very happy to see that most of the posts to this thread were positive.

If you need anything at all, please feel free to PM me <3


AMP

Hi,

I was recently diagnosed BPD and have yet to start therapy - am on new meds though. My diagnosis happened as follows:

About 5 years ago I sought help for an eating disorder and various other addictions. Over the course of those 5 years, although I made some progress and was less isolated I seemed to be getting more and more ill and didn't understand why. Became homeless, had hallucinations at one point, was unable to form stable relationships and eventually went back to being as isolated as I had been while active in the eating disorder and addictions. Was also having disturbing recollections of a prior relationship and past behaviour with men and didn't understand how I could have engaged in such behaviour.

I spoke to my GP, who referred me to my local community psychiatric team. The nurse who assessed me recommended me for group therapy and I was subsequently assessed for a personality disorder by a psychiatrist who said he felt I had borderline traits but not a full-blown diagnosis. Looking back I was really not being honest with him about my behaviour and symptoms and trying to appear more together than I was because I was scared of a label.

I attended group therapy for about 2 months and then left the group. At the time it was because I felt it conflicted with my recovery from addictions, because I had issues with the therapist and because I couldn't stand the way I behaved in the group - attention-seeking, cruel - and just kept beating myself up and wanting to die when I was challenged in the group.

I started seeing a private therapist to discuss relationship issues. He was very good in his area of expertise but did not believe I had a personality disorder when I broached the subject. His response was that I wanted him to believe that I was iller than I was. He suggested I attend a support group for people with addictive sexual and relationship behaviours. I went along with this and found myself blurting out inappropriate details about myself then going into severe shame and chasing and flirting with men in these groups. However, I did meet one guy I connected with emotionally and felt safe around, and it turned out he had various personality disorders. Eventually I pursued a man who ultimately rejected me. I took an overdose as a result and then spent three months in a rehab.

In the rehab my behaviour was inexplicable to me as I felt I so wanted to be there and get better. I was told I was attention seeking, manipulative, dramatic and needy, which was all true, and tried harder and harder to be perfect/do the right thing. In groups I would be unable to speak or I would erupt. I became obsessed with a male resident and this took over too. When I asked to see a psychiatrist I was told I was just avoiding working on my addictions and looking for a diagnosis as a solution.

I started feeling suicidal, breaking down into sobbing and panicking to the degree I couldn't sleep. Also sefl-harming. Started obsessing about alcohol and felt I wasn't being honest as I still wanted to drink. I checked myself out after three months and went on an alcoholic binge, which culminated in an overdose on painkillers and alcohol.

During this period I had sought support for substance use. The woman at the local drug/alcohol team referred me to the community mental health facility. I kept self-harming and repeatedly turned up at the local A and E because I felt lonely, wanted to speak to someone and also felt suicidal. I was also obsessing about the guy from the support group and dropped a lot of money on psychic texts to get "the anwer" about our future relationship (an imaginary one in my head).

I met a woman from a support group for alcohol/drugs and clicked with her. She told me she was BPD and she seemed happy, self-possessed, confident and honest. At this point things were so bad that I just gave in and decided to pursue whatever mental health support was available. Also, meeting this woman gave me hope.

I was assessed by the local CMHT and asked them whether they would assess me for BPD. They told me it wasn't an immediate process and would take time. I met them over the course of several months. For part of that period I was still drinking. In mid-January a psychiatrist told me was officially diagnosing me with BPD (with impulsive traits) and that he would recommend new meds. I also met a psychologist who suggested therapy, which I'm now awaiting.

I believe a combination of desperation, feeling suicidal, admitting to myself and others that my behaviours had been going on for many years and had deteriorated despite all my best efforts to sort them out, doing what I could to start sorting out my alcohol/drug issues and the hope I received after meeting someone in recovery from BPD are what prompted me to actively seek help. Also, I couldn't foresee having relationships of any kind without this help and life seemed pointless without the capacity to have decent relationships.

I hope that helps. I tend to write in too much detail but there is so much to get out (!). The key, for me, is that I am starting to meet people who understand that I am suffering and do not wilfully behave the way I do. For so long I have felt like an evil, horrible person completely unable to control myself or my emotions unless I literally lock myself away. My BPD diagnosis, although it's still quite overwhelming, is a weight off my shoulders.

I am so grateful for all of your detailed responses!! You all had every right to ignore me and instead you were so open...it's such an immense help.

Miss Ali,
Thank you very much Before I looked into it, I could not understand what was happening, and there was a lot of pain for both of us - but once I realized the battle he was fighting, I've managed to be understanding. There are still terribly tough times, and sometimes I lose it, I'm not gonna lie; but in the end I know he's a beautiful person, as I know you all are, and that he's just in a terrible amount of pain. I constantly tell him he's a good person, but he won't hear a word of it. If it so happens things don't work out, all I want is for him to get healthy; he says he won't make it to 25...I want to assure him that he will.

That sounds like a terrible struggle you went through! I'm concerned that they hide diagnoses from people though; that strikes me as unprofessional, but hey, I'm no psychiatrist! You sound like you are doing wonderful things now! See, I want him to know this is possible - that he's not worthless, that he can be everything he wants to be if he just saw enough worth in himself to do it. I love helping people; not "saving" them, just helping them...assuring them they are worth something. And since I would like the same things myself, as I suffer from my own mental health issues, I need to give back. Plus I can't help but love him dearly for some reason

Ad33,
No problem with wordiness - I appreciate how open you were with me...and as you can see, I can get quite wordy myself I think I just enjoy the sound of my keyboard! To come through the other side of all of that is amazing - and it seems there is a pattern with suicidal ideations that get people to get help; he's been suicidal for years, but again, I'm not sure he's concerned enough about himself to get help, which kills me.

I've had far too many misdiagnoses over the years, but since this thread refers to how you were diagnosed with BPD, it happened in late May 2010. I had gone through several months of being a dysfunctional mess with periods of depression, loneliness and intense anger and was developing a drinking problem as a way to self medicate it, and it was making me act impulsively in general, so much so that my family saw my behavior as out of control so they complained to my doctor, and she decided I was in danger of causing harm to myself or others, or both, and had me hospitalized. I argued that I didn't need to go, but it was my word against hers and I had no choice.

Luckily I wasn't an inpatient very long but I had to spend the whole summer going to an outpatient support group that specialized in overcoming symptoms that all correlate to BPD. I also got a therapist around the same time who read to me some of the notes the evaluating nurses said about me in the hospital. They made it sound like they had diagnosed me with BPD, and I knew about the illness already because I had friends who were diagnosed with it. I guess that summer I was being treated for BPD, both by my therapist and with the support group I was forced to go to three days a week for three months. It's odd that for years every therapist or doctor who saw me avoided BPD and labeled me as something else and that I apparently finally was given the diagnosis by the staff from the psych ward I stayed in. It's not clear what current diagnosis I have since I no longer have any support system, but that was the one and only occasion I know of where it seems I was given the BPD diagnosis.