Boiling over *trigger* HELP!!!

Im only really posting this cause I need to communicate with someone privately about this, and as privately I mean private messages.

Im literally boiling over right now and have been for a couple of weeks. Im surprised I made it this far without blowing the hell UP!!!

Im a recovered BPD ( still have abandonment issues though ) and am dealing ( or not at all ) with a possible bpd ex. ( Just take it from me, having dealt with this and from being on here, Id be surprised if it was anything else ).

Well, we have a baby memorial event coming up and it needs planning and HE is shining with his absence at the moment.I do understand he may not have a clue what to do, well...NEITHER HAVE I.
Im lost at all the details and its all so overwhelming.

I am finding this more and more hard to deal with. Im finding it really hard to communicate properly with the bearevement services, I find it hard to make my own life WORK and Im starting to go into crazy depression here, which has not happened to me in a long long time.

It has got to the point that I see an email from the services about the memorial and I end up getting so upset, I send him about 5 angry texts before the night is over.Yep, every time.

Honestly, Im starting to scare myself a bit. I need to talk, to anyone ( really, Im getting desperate )...just not out on open forum.

Not to be sarcastic about things and issues but I havent painted anyone black in years but right now...he's on my bloody sh*t list and well,
I just dont think anyone wants to be on my sh*tlist.

You all know where that goes.*KABOOM*

Feel free to PM me.

Skipped, sweetheart, please PM me. Lets work on this together <3

AMP

How do I know if a PM has been sent off? Its just going around in circles over here. It keeps popping back up and I cant see it in the outbox, even though Ive put the name in manually in the itte box.

I hope you all arent getting the same message multipe times, although I cant see them in sent messages either

no, its ok
message was delivered

mf

MyFault...Yours is the only one I could see in sent messages.
I replied to the others as well. Cant see that.

then maybe there was a glitch and they were not sent????
ugh.. computers
mf

I dont know, did u get my replies? I sent two of them.

no nothing

Yep, totally a glitch then. Ughhh