sexual intimacy

Hi guys,

need some input on this please?

My husband cannot handle me being normal, lovin wife for a few weeks. Doing normal married things including making love but then an episodes occurs for me. I am violent and aggressive due to an arguement etc.. bit by bit he feels he cannot keep getting close because it spirals down again..

He says that it's getting to him more and more. We'll recover from an 'episode' start loving each other again, intensily and passionatly. Things will be great for a week or so and then something happens. He'll annoy me with something and we start argueing and then before we know it I am this wild crazy animal.. He has said he wants to crack this because he loves me but bit by bit, more by more he is finding this all too much.

How do others get through this?

Love and light
xx

###$ YES.

demitria78 wrote:Hi guys,

need some input on this please?

My husband cannot handle me being normal, lovin wife for a few weeks. Doing normal married things including making love but then an episodes occurs for me. I am violent and aggressive due to an arguement etc.. bit by bit he feels he cannot keep getting close because it spirals down again..

He says that it's getting to him more and more. We'll recover from an 'episode' start loving each other again, intensily and passionatly. Things will be great for a week or so and then something happens. He'll annoy me with something and we start argueing and then before we know it I am this wild crazy animal.. He has said he wants to crack this because he loves me but bit by bit, more by more he is finding this all too much.

How do others get through this?

Love and light
xx

Mindfulness

I think you both have what it takes.
The fact you both want the same thing is promising.

My husband and I get through it by him refusing to emotionally engage me, talking it out and making sure I take my meds. What I mean by emotionally engage me is when I attack him for something he just calmly asks me why I am coming at him that way, and what the real problem is. Then, I am better able to calm down and not tear him apart. Its hard to fight when one person refuses to fight. To a certain extent your husband has to emotionally detach himself from your rages to save himself. These rages you're having aren't "personal" its how you respond to stimuli, and your response to stimuli needs to change. It gets easier with practice trust me. . Also, you do not mention whether or not you are on meds. If you are not that may be something you want to look into , especially since you are "cycling" so often. They could be beneficial in managing your symptoms and make it easier to relearn how to respond to things. If you are on meds, you might want to have them checked because they do not appear to be working. If you have any questions PM me.

Hi there,

Thanks for all your replies. I am so very worried that it is simply that me and my husbands personaility just don't mix. We clash?? Because there are numerous times he admits he has wound me up and responded in a way that wouldn't help the calmest of people.. I am on meds, yes.

What do other people take?
I am on seroquel (only low dose 25mg and 45mg mirtazipine}

acastelli... I have pm'd you

x

Sadly, I think it's very difficult to love a borderline, after all, our identifying trait is serious relationship trouble. My wife is a saint/angel/goddess to have endured my behaviour, and still love me. I tell her so all the time, and regularly apologise - not only after I have hurt her. How she loves me I will never know

Hi D...


Actually, I'm really impressed with the sound advice you've received from everyone already, because I caught your post yesterday when I was traveling, and didn't get to respond :0).

Mindfulness is an EXTREMELY important tool. If you're not currently in therapy or DBT-style therapy, there are many exercises in mindfulness that you can find free on many websites. If you need help finding them, I will be more than happy to send you a few links that have given me some peace personally, in PM. <3 NEX gave some extremely valuable advice there.

And sadly, in response to your last post - sometimes we aren't compatible with another. I learned the hard way when my ex-husband and I decided to separate and subsequently divorce. At that time, I was misdiagnosed as bipolar, and the meds weren't helping, and I was in no sort of therapy. I'm sure I made his life hell, but he put up with the push/pull, black/white, love/hate until he just couldn't stand it anymore.

Being with another person who can help you set boundaries by NOT engaging when your behavior becomes erratic is a REALLY useful tool. Sometimes we ourselves are not able to make a boundary and stick to it in the moment (at least, I truly SUCK at it, but am working hard), so it takes someone who loves us very much to help us learn to get there.

I know that I haven't offered anything new that others haven't already touched on, but I wanted to let you know that I'd read your post, and really wanted to respond and send a ***hug***. I've been at the stage you're in, and I admire you for looking for a solution and ideas prior to letting things fall apart.

That's a HUGE step - congrats, girl :0)


If you need anything at all, feel free to PM me. <3

AMP

And sadly, in response to your last post - sometimes we aren't compatible with another. I learned the hard way when my ex-husband and I decided to separate and subsequently divorce. At that time, I was misdiagnosed as bipolar, and the meds weren't helping, and I was in no sort of therapy. I'm sure I made his life hell, but he put up with the push/pull, black/white, love/hate until he just couldn't stand it anymore.

I am hoping so so much it won't get to this. Sadly though we have come so close so often. Just this last week my husband packed all his stuff up and has enquired about accomodation elsewhere. Over the weekend he broke down and said he couldn't go through with it because he loves me so much. We have reached the last chance so I know I have so much work to do and our marriage needs lots of work too.

If you could send me some of those links I would be very grateful. Thanks MisAli..

I am going to push when I see the shrink next too. I need to go into therapy and I think my meds need tweaking. I am only on 2. seroqule low dose and mirtazipine. I need something more. My rages are too much too often and I know I need to deal with the underlying causes too. My hubby is so determined to crack it. He knows there is no miracle cure but we both want to get to a better place. Me coping better, finding my triggers, less outbursts. Him dealing with it better and me sorting my meds. We have so much work to do.

This time round though I can feel it.. I know we're at the last hurdle. So many times I have felt it's the last hurdle but this time.. we both very much feel it.

x x x

Check your PM's... I sent you a couple that I've used in the past, and currently :0).


<3 My very best to you...


AMP

Many thanks to you.

Love and light

Susi xx