Learnign coping skills using Mindfulness- Non judgment

I am in a therapy group using Mindfulness, and I thought I’d pass on what we are learning, and how it’s helped me. I'm going to start making posts about the different things we have learned. Also, a breathing/ thinking technique you can try.

1. Non judgement.
Reading the posts on here about what’s going on in your lives, I can see how judgmental BPDers are of themselves, and this is hard not to do, because we are constantly being called names or told we are bad people. And when we feel bad, we act bad, right? It’s like we don’t have the logic to think ‘Ok, so everyone is pissed off with me, I will try to act more reasonable’. What we do is internalise the insults and, maybe as a form of control, act even worse! I would do it like ‘See! I told you I was bad, and I can prove it’. Like, ‘I will show you how bad I am, before you tell me, so it hurts less’.

Now, this is totally self-defeating. This adds to the harsh inner monologue of ‘You’re worthless, everybody will leave you, I hate you, everybody hates you, you’re ugly, you’re disgusting, nobody will ever love you’. Sound familiar?

Ok, so you need to learn to re-label your thoughts using realistic terms. It’s very very hard, but it’s slowly creeping into my thinking.

For example:

Everybody leaves me, I am unlovable, I can’t keep a boyfriend/ girlfriend. I am worthless.
This is BPD thinking. Everything is emotional here, but to you it’s fact.

This is how your thinking could be.

People leave me, because I have poor relationship skills, that drive people away. It’s not ME they hate, it’s my behaviour. It’s because I was abused/ abandoned as a child, and I can’t trust people.
That sounds a lot nicer, right? And it’s easier to change behaviour when you look at it more realistically and with compassion for yourself.

Another example.

Nobody understands me, I’m an idiot
This was something I had a real problem with, and I spent a lot of time being upset over. This is BPD thinking. It’s very judgmental and harsh, with no room for change.

This is how your thinking could be.

I have poor communication skills, I don’t think before I speak. I get a lot of anxiety when speaking to people, so often mix up my words and forget things. I am often switching ‘modes’ when speaking to people, so people can’t always follow what I am saying.

That sounds better, right?

Because I wasn’t using judgmental language about myself, I can try to look at things objectively and admit that I do need help in these areas. I think the reason BPDers find it so hard to change, is because our opinion of ourselves is so concrete and emotional, that we don’t think we can change. So why bother trying? I am bad, and I always will be.



Breathing technique

Being Borderline is hard to cope with, because we are constantly caught up in our emotions and this need for stability. Nothing feels permanent. Just as soon as we think we are OK, something comes along and we are knocked off our feet. Then it's the frantic search for the next safe place.

Learning breathing/ grounding techniques to bring you back to yourself, will help with the constant anxeity and panic. It will give you time to breathe and think before you act.

So, a Body Scan is a good way to achieve this. Just noticing your body, will help to remind you that you are alive and that you exist.

Sit on a chair with feet on the ground. Close your eyes, but keep an upright posture. Try to imagine the areas you are thinking about lighting up as you scan your body. Take deep breaths, and if you lose concentration, try to come back to thinking about your breath. Feel the breath in your body as you scan it.

Notice the hair folicles going into the scalp
The bones of your skull
The two halves of the brain
Then onto your face
Your eyes
Your cheeks
Your ears
Your mouth
Your teeth
Your chin
Your jaw
Your neck
Your shoulders
Your armpits
Your upper back
Your stomach
Feel the breath in your abdomen
Your pelvis
Your thighs
Your knees
Your calves
Ankles
Feet- feel the ground under your feet. Notice how it feels

Hope this is helpful and gives your some peace.

sounds like a useful group to be in. Thanks for taking the trouble to post the info