Is your father a good father? *TRIGGER WARNING*

Mine has not been a bad father. He has been just selfish, insensitive, sloppy, alcoholic. He might have some kind of disorder, but I have no responsibility on that. I wish my mother had divorced with him.

Hi distorted...

Although my dad has his faults (and there are a rack of them), he has still managed to be a good dad and role model. My problem growing up (in small instances) were where I did not realize he was also human, as I was, and put him on a pedestal. I seem to have more issues with my mother than my father.

I think that you will find a lot of comfort here, because many of us have had less than stellar home experiences.

I wish you the very best... ***hugs***

<3

AMP

Mine has been horrible...
He hit my mom, brothers and sister, and whe he started to hit me (I'm the youngest) my mom finally left. Though by then I was ten so he'd already had quite some experiences hurting his youngest...
He earned enought money to support us, but refused to hand it over. My mother had barely enough to make rent and never enough to properly feed everyone.

I've always hated him.

And then lately, I've become aware that he has most likely also sexually abused me... So you can imagine how I feel about the basterd now...

My dad was abused as a kid, I suspect. I know nothing about his abuse, other than his father was an alcoholic journalist. My mother tried helping him for years, but refuses to be helped. He will never get help, and worse yet, he is in his fifties now.

Needless to say, and he can lie to himself all he wants: He is not a good father. He is emotionally draining and a roller-coaster ride to deal with every day. Goodness, I'm glad I don't live with my parents anymore. The only way he was a good father was working as a petroleum engineer and making sure to build on his on-going education so that he gets more money. He is a good worker. Useless as emotional help of any kind though. Scratched your knee? Forget it. Someone bullied you? Forget it. Feeling lonely and sad? Don't even try. Wanna talk about anything in the slightest emotional? Nope.

We have no bond. The only way we tried building a bond is for me to become... a journalist. Like his scumbag father. I may not have known his father for long other than when he was dying, but the way my dad turned out says a lot about his parents' parenting skills: Mediocre and so not helpful. Also, my dad sucks at socializing and comes off as weird and "slippery" in his speaking.

MissAli, nerissi, LadyAmorosaDulce,

Thank you for poisting your replies.

I remember some threads on Moms in this forum, but not on Dads except for very abusive ones.

I think my relationship with my dad is similar to LadyAmorosaDulce's. He was not a bad father. He worked to get money until independence of us. He didn't pysically abuse us. Maybe he is beleiving he loves us. He is just selfish, cannot consider other one's feelings, cannot control his emotions, doesn't know how to care others, never mind lying to get alcohol. Just like me, except for alcohol.

Though I have no respect to him, I have a few good memories with my family including him. I dno't know whether I have any affection to him. He is my family just because he is my dad. I did not choose him.

Because of alcohol, he cannot live by himself now. I have no will to sacrifice my life to take care of him. That means he will be in a kind of hospital forever with very limitted freedom. He could live a normal life if there would be someone who supports him as my mom did.

If he had been a bad father, it might be easier to decide my feelings toward him. Since he was not a bad father, I guess I must feel strong guilty to abandon him in a hospital as my sister does. But, I feel no guilty on that, and I cannot understand why my sister feels so strong guilty even though she has been bothered by him too much in these years.

My Father was a good Father. Sometimes he was too good, he over-indulged my Sister and I. He showed me he loved me with food, and my Sister with material things. It's probably because he grew up with nothing, he didn't get to go to school for very long so to some people he might seem "stupid", but he is a hard worker and full of common sense. I have a lot of respect for him.
He isn't without his faults though, he is on medication for depression and he isn't very vigilant with taking it so he has mood swings often. I can't count how many times he has gotten "fed up" and packed a bag and left. He also had a stroke a couple of years ago and that resulted in quite a few personality changes. He lies a lot about stupid things and always get caught in them, which makes my Mother angry and causes problems for their marriage.

So I wouldn't be able to say he was a bad Father, I have respect for both of my parents... I have this fierce loyalty towards them.

I always saw my father as a role model when i was a kid but now that im grown up i dont even know why i did. He has never stood up for me or my brother. I remember one time when my little brother got bullied in school, i was the one that had to ask my dad if he could call that bullies parents. He said he would but that did never happened. He have always been afraid of confrontations and try to avoid it with all means. One thing he is good at is to give us money but the thing i always wanted from him was to carry and be lovely toward us. My little brother had it better than me, when he did something he shouldent have done he dident get the same treatment as i. i remember that it always feelt that no matter how hard i tried, he would never be satisfied. He was always grumpy and when he was drunk he used to threaten my mother by telling her that he would kill himself. i dont understand why she stayed so long with him but when they finally devorced i was so happy. becuse then i knew that i dident have to see them fight. so no, i wouldent call him a good father. sure, i know that he love us but he did never tell us that when we where kids or even now. i cant look at him like i used to when i was little, i just feel sorry for him that he dont even try to make a change. it would have been alot easier if he also would try to change as hard as i am. i have asked him to seek help but it just feels like he dosent even bother and thats is just sad...

yes, he was a great father. he taught me love, generousity and kindness. he compensated for my mother's cold, aloofness by going out of his way to let me know I was special. he saved me from her. he was ambitious, resourceful and worked hard to build a good life for us. he made me feel safe and secure. he was warm, soft-hearted, charismatic and well-loved by the community and his family. he had a terribly abusive father who ignored and brushed him aside. even when my grandfather got cancer and was on his deathbed nothing changed. when my grandfather died my dad was gutted emotionally and committed suicide 2 months later. my father never understood the impact he had on other people's lives. I am sure he had no idea the loss for all of us.

#######5 father, #######5 husband, #######5 human being.

I have not seen or talked to my Father in over 10 years. It was my choice to disconnect with him though. Every once in awhile he will call but I ignore it because I hate the feeling it gives me to talk with him. On several occasions he betrayed my trust. One might be able to get over that betrayal... but their has to be some kind of relationship to build off of, and there wasn't one. He was always so distant. We shared few, if any, common interest.

My father was not a good father. But he also wasn't the worst. In his own mind he tried. His own father abused him and his siblings. Almost the entire side of that family is paranoid and secretive. Their family environment morphed them outside social norms.

I miss the idea of having a father, but I do not miss my father.