Hi. I am desperately seeking any support and assistance so that I can hold on to my life and relationships. I am in psychotherapy and seriously considering one of those places where I can live for a month or more while have aggressive individual and group therapy. I found a promising one in California and even contacted them but now realize that was impulsive because I live in Indiana
and how would my family be involved? I don't know if there is anywhere close by me that I can go to with a program like this, plus I'm disabled - don't work - and am on Medicaid, so who knows what kind of help I'm entitled to, you know? Anyway, I'm clinging to this rocky relationship with a wonderful man who moved here from New York four years ago to live with me (that's how much he loves me although I can't seem to remember this!). This wonderful man has began to crumble under the pressure of our relationship, not to mention that I had womb cancer twice (and a miscarriage) while we were trying to have a baby and ended up barren at the end just last year. So, we are both at different levels of grief, which is straining our relationship, and I can't work so he is the sole provider so that strains things
you get my drift? He also has undiagnosed Asperger's, but we are both pretty darn sure he has it (one of his nephews was recently diagnosed with it, which strengthened this belief). So, try being a fly on the wall of an emotional wreck of a woman who is clingy and needy desperately seeking anything from a man who can rarely connect. But we love each other and we want it to work. He has called off our marriage three times, once after I had purchased the dress and we had booked the church (that was the last time we planned one, too). We are currently just boyfriend and girlfriend who live together and he promises he will marry me eventually. I have moved out twice, when he last called off the marriage in 2010, and before I just moved back in this month. We both started seeking individual therapy for our conditions before we got back together, but now we are rehashing old behaviors including his withdrawals, my rages, my self-abuse, my hitting of him, and his hitting of me. I just don't know what to do. He has given me so many chances, and have given him so many as well. I want this to work, but it feels so hopeless so here I am desperately trying to find some way to hang onto my behaviors and thoughts and reactions and just survive without pushing him or my family further away or losing him or myself. Sigh.
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