Giving up on goals and being a failure

It's something that really hurts to do, but I feel like I have to be realistic. I had a dream of going to uni and becoming a teacher. Took me three years longer than anyone else to gain acceptance to uni and then I had to pass it up because I couldn't afford it.

My parents were married and I had arrived by the time she was 21. I'd always thought I'd meet someone and be married with at least one child by the time I reached a similar age. I'm now 27.

I always thought I'd have my same group of friends around me. Turned out to be complete jerks. I always thought I'd have one or two friends who'd stick by me. They either lose touch and don't bother contacting me anymore, even though I try, or they just don't want to know me. And why would they anyway.

I'm 27, I should have moved out of home by now, but instead, I still live with my parents. I desperately want space but don't want to be on my own. The idea of having a housemate- that would involve some degree of trust. Not likely. Every new year I tell myself I will move out before my next birthday- July rolls around and I just feel worse.

My issues always seem to interfere with anything I try to do. I feel like I'm a huge failure.

Sorry, I'm going to end my depressing rant.

I'm sorry to hear that, I'm in a similar position in life.

Out of interest with your university course was it the fees you couldnt afford? HECS should cover that shouldnt it?

HECs would have covered course fees, but it was the living expenses (in the city as opposed to in the country area where I live), text books etc that I didn't have the money for. I could afford to go and do it now, but 1) I'm not in a stable enough mental state to even attempt it, and 2)I'm so uncertain on everything about me and who I want to be/what I want to do with my life that I don't think I could stick with a course without getting bored, changing my mind or just giving up on the whole idea a month in.

Man you're killin me, haha. It feels like your writing my life. It reminds me of the ending of an episode of 30 Rock.
You can go to school if you want to. Get a loan or whatever money Australia offers.
If you want to talk, I'm here. I hope you keep on.

lilyfairy wrote:I could afford to go and do it now, but 1) I'm not in a stable enough mental state to even attempt it, and 2)I'm so uncertain on everything about me and who I want to be/what I want to do with my life that I don't think I could stick with a course without getting bored, changing my mind or just giving up on the whole idea a month in.

You have no idea how much I relate to that. It feels like you read my mind.

I'm sorry you feel so bad though *hugs*

hey. Hey! HEY!!!!

I'm 31 and live with my grandmother! What are you saying about us both, lady!?

:0)

I'm just teasing you. But I really do live with my 82 yr old grandmother. Supposedly I take care of her, but some days I think I forget who is caring for whom :0).

I know what you mean about having goals and falling short. My marriage lasted a year and a half, and then he gave up and took off. I felt like a failure too. No kids, but a lovely Boxer (because my other one ran away November 20th).

I agree with checking into taking out some loans and attending uni - I think that in your heart, this is what you really want to do, and there are many ways of making it happen. Can you make an appointment to meet with a financial counselor at school to help you with the process? As in, like, make a first step, so that you know what expectations to have instead of letting everything overwhelm you? Because there is a LOT with school, and it IS overwhelming... but sometimes meeting with someone who can walk you through the process will help things along.

*hugs*

AMP

MissAli:

Step back and think a little.

Those goals are the best things you have in your life. They are proof that you can succeed. In striving to achieve them, you will gain confidence and independence. Get back to figuring out how to achieve them. The whole process, getting there, will make you feel good. Really good. There will be failures too. Accept it.

As for friends, they come and go. Even the best of friends. People are flaky. We as a group have very high standards for our friends. We 'choose' people, rather than what normal people do, fall in and out of friendships.

As for not being married, that will come as you achieve your goals. Going forward will make you strong, people will see that and be attracted to you. You are very young, no matter what you feel. And, if you are 'one of us' you know people are very attracted to you. I believe people are attracted to the intensity.

Now go look around the forum, many people have no idea of what direction to go in. You do!
You are very lucky. Now get moving.

Good luck!

Intro- thank you so much for the love, its greatly appreciated!!! :0)

Lily was the OP so Im trying to support her uni dreams here and let her know that bumps in the road happen, but us BPDs CAN prevail :0)

Much love to you both <3

AMP

Every accomplishment I've ever had was a result of my mother pushing me off the ledge into it.
I didn't care about high school and didn't much want to go, much less graduate... but she made me.
I didn't really want to go to college, much less get a degree... but she made me.
I couldn't bring myself to move out, but she couldn't take me being there, so she moved me next door... literally, I live next door to my mother, who leaves me alone unless I need her.
I had no motivation to get a job, and I ended up working with my mother...

My own goals... I had none... until this year... this year I'm serious and I'm at a place in life where I'm "better" enough to maybe actually do them.
I need to grow fingernails... I've never had ones that even grew to the end of my finger.
I need to lose 100 lbs... I've never had the discipline to actually lose weight and keep it gone.
I need to go back to college (which is scary as $#%^, and I have to pay for it myself this time)... because my degree isn't helping me, so I need a degree in what I already do for work...

I'm terrified... or it all. I'm actually growing nails and it's freaking me out like you wouldn't believe the simple habit of NOT BITING YOUR NAILS should... Next week I start my diet... This Friday I go register for classes for college... I'm scared, sure... but maybe this time I can do it... I cling to that maybe like a life raft in a maelstrom.

I used to be this way. Not anymore...