Reality *is* such a drag (Edited)

It's understood that each person with a diagnosis can be at different stages in recovery and treatment.

I cant get much right-or done- until I get tough with myself. I wade in a piddle pool of ridiculously petty and pathetic peeves , turning them into the problem that would end life on earth as I know it.

Thing can be worse. I could have real problem. Like being homeless with nowhere to go in winter like years ago. Or be dying.
Bigger picture- im ok. I have hope, my beliefs and plenty of ways to keep my mind off of me and my 'issues'
People are staving, countries are at war and the world is collapsing. Don't I think I'm just another somebody who is just trying to survive? yes, but no. I'm angry with you even though you have your own heap of concerns.
You called me a mean name. I might get over it. I might not and hold a grudge to make BOTH of our lives just a little more miserable.
Get a real problem. And when I do, I will never realize it. Not recognize how much I am in dire straights. And I will never be able to trace back and see the pitfalls along the way of how it happened. Just because my reality is in my head.
I wont help myself because I wont know how to fix it. the problem will become so monumental it is too big to repair or patch up. (much like the dinosaur we call The House Senate)[{and 'it' is okay for now}]

I need medication. I hate medication. I dont need medication, I need some tough talk and a reality check of how it REALLY is right now. I cant see it because I am engrossed in it. I need an outsiders perspective. A smart person to tell me if things are crazy, if I am acting crazy, or are things really not that bad.
Am I stable for the most part, or am I teetering on the edge, barley holding it together? On a destructive path, with impending doom and chaos lurking just on the horizon.
I Dont know.

[Edit;] I wish some of the people with Bpd ( and some who do not) would stop romancing the disease.
What I mean by this is letting the disease become enchanting to oneself who has it. Feeding into it's diabolical drama. Having it is not worth the tribulations it brings.
BTW, where are all the supportive and caring non-Bpds in real life that I see on the forums here? You do not realize how APPRECIATIVE I would be if I ever met one of these people. And yet it seemingly looks as if the people with BPD are responding cantankerously or imperious to those who are asking for our help in better understanding how we work. Sorry, I just had to get that off my mind.

I can kind of relate to what you're saying but it makes me think different things.

For instance, I have to control my disorder or crazy stuff happens. I hate meds because I have to carry them and they're the only thing that can help me. Plus you can't have kids on the ######6 things.

So I'll mope around on the meds. Only I can't mope because the meds make me a robot. However, if I don't take them, I'm suicidal and violent.

If I don't heal, it feels devastating. If I do, I lose a part of who I am. I have to work so hard just to live.

(And there are supportive nons. You just can't trust one with everything. Scatter your issues out a little)

I liked your use of alliteration in the second paragraph.
I'm in love with you, I hope your female. I want to be your best friend, I hope your male.

Well....huh. Reality is overrated, I find. Also, it is what you make it.
You should bucket list with me this year!

I hate meds because I have to carry them and they're the only thing that can help me. Plus you can't have kids on the ######6 things.

So I'll mope around on the meds. Only I can't mope because the meds make me a robot. However, if I don't take them, I'm suicidal and violent.

If I don't heal, it feels devastating. If I do, I lose a part of who I am. I have to work so hard just to live.

YES YES, YES YES YES! Thank You!!
This is exactly how I feel when I am on meds.
And I will take your advice about 'sharring the wealth' of pain. Seems to make a lot of sense.

Z1t23ch3 wrote:I liked your use of alliteration in the second paragraph.
I'm in love with you, I hope your female. I want to be your best friend, I hope your male.

Well....huh. Reality is overrated, I find. Also, it is what you make it.
You should bucket list with me this year!

Hi Z1 t23ch3,
Thank You so much for you kind words and heartfelt response. I am very flattered, and moved by the confidence you have in my genuineness. This is what I need the most. Thank You
I am female. Did the bucket list thing 2 years ago, but didn't nearly get my fill
I hope maybe I can help you as much as your thoughts have helped me.
Reality is sooo overrated yea, just wish it wasn't so difficult to function in. lol
I'd love to correspond with you more.