mother's day

it's 22nd December in my place...and it's mother's day.
somehow i feel so low and i want to die

i don't want to contact my mother, but i should act as good daughter and should tell her something.
so i text her " happy mother's day" via short message over the cellphone
and i knew she will reply with dramatic response (like 3-5 text messages), saying that i'm not a good daughter, i neglect her, she never wanted me to be born, i'm a slut, i'm not good at anything, i'm not normal, i won't be happy for the rest of my life...bla bla bla...then she'll curse me for being her daughter

which she just did it all a moment ago...and i just want to die
...or she die!

btw...HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY <-- for all mother's in here
i know not all mothers are bad, i just happen to be unlucky with families
i wish i have a mom/pa who will hug me with warm love and say "thank you for your message "


i know i'm too old to believe in santa claus but i wish it can come true in christmas...though i know it won't become true b/c i bet he won't find me in good kid's lists...sigh

I am so sorry, Yoa.
The things your mom said to you were horrible. You don't have to put up with being treated like that.
*big warm hugs*
How ae you doing now?
Thinking of you.

Evol

i feel better now the day already pass evol...thank you.
i think no one should go through what i experienced and somehow i'm glad that no one in this forum relate with what i feel/face.

thank you again
(((HUUUGS)))

*big hugs*
I'm glad you're feeling better, Yoa .

Evol

((Big squeezy hugs))

It's unfair what she says to you. No one should ever feel afraid to hear something from their mother. Mothers are the ones who are supposed to hug you and tell you everything's going to be okay; they're not supposed to be causing the grief. I'm really sorry for what you're going through; it's just not right. My mom's pretty nice; I'm sure she'd be okay if I shared her with you. You could be the daughter she never had!

"i know i'm too old to believe in santa claus but i wish it can come true in christmas...though i know it won't become true b/c i bet he won't find me in good kid's lists...sigh"

Yes he will. He told me you are in his good kids list because you've always been a good child. And you were always a good child from the beginning.

Mom has a problem. Is she on drugs.

Mom has no conscious, she may be sociopathic, if so she has no connection to children or anyone.. She can say anything about anything and has no pain about it or from it. She sounds insane to me yet, feels no pain in her insanity, certainly treating you sadistically as she is, is a sign of Evil.

You are a child of God. From God. That is how I look at things.

My mother did the same thing to me from her core. It was very horrible and confusing.. I am hated by her from her core to my core. WHy.. Their is no logical reason. Ive never done anything to this person. I am actually a really nice sensitive loving person . What happened..!! Why would someone hate someone to the core if they are a really nice person.. Simple. She is a sociopath, and an Evil one at that. ITs hard. Im getting better. They can cause great damage to loving caring people.

They will trample me under their feet and turn and tear me into pieces if they can get away with it.

You are a nice person or you woudnt love your mother the way you do. Its not your fault. We are born on planet earth.. Nice place isn't it. No one prepared us for this kind of thing...

I hope you reach out to a higher power and pray... Ok..

I'm sorry to hear that your mother is being so hurtful and cruel to you. You are a good daughter to her for even trying to reach out to her knowing that you will not get a positive response from her.

Yoa, relish in the fact that you are NONE of those vile acrid things your (woman who birthed you) said. It's hard for me to use the word mother here because a mother she is not.

You ARE a wonderful person. You are NOT a slut (who says that?!). You ARE amazing at many different things. And furthermore, you WILL be happy because you CAN be. It's painfully obvious that she CAN'T and probably never will.

Know this Yoa...this resentment and anger directed/projected at you is not because of you, it's because she's harboring resentment or jealousy or something that she can't mentally break through. It's not your fault so don't try and make it your problem ok? And she's on Santa's BLACK list sugar...a list that you'll never make.

thank you all and i'm sorry if i sounded like a crying lost 5 years old child.
i know not all mothers are bad and she said she did those things b/c she loves me, i myself feel confused about that...perhaps she's has PD but i'm not sure what. she looks normal for everyone including towards my older brother and sister unless for everything about me.
i kept on wondering why me, what did i do, but i know from a friend that some mothers did that. her mother did that to her, that make me feel less alone and i'm glad that she's luckier than me (from my point of view)

i live apart from my parents since 5years b/c they don't want me when i was born. my grandparents took care of me but we barely speak each other. they told me to shush whenever i'd like to speak. bothers and sister prefer to be busy with their own things but i believe that's normal.my parents visit me once a year when i was young.

it's strange that i want to reach out, live close with them, while at the same time i know they'll make me feel more worse.i love them, no matter what they did to me. i used to dreamt that someday i'll be able to show them that i'm a good daughter though deep down, i know they didn't treat me right. i chose to enter college situated in the same city with them to live closer with them while finishing my college, but still they sent me to boarding house. i tried to live with them after college, i mean i have a job, i manage to finished the college.they should be proud of me. but i/o of supporting me, they triggered me more and more that i chose to live apart.

it's a complicated connection between me and mom...but i still love her
thank you jhonnyblaze...i'd love to share ma and pa for a day...at least for christmas only

btw, MERRY CHRISTMAS for you who celebrate