Feading the monster.

Why? Why do we do it? Why do we watch depressing movies. Read depressing music. Listen to depressing songs. It doesn't help. It doesn't help at all. I realize that, for me, it does feel good in a way to settle into that old rut. Still, why do it?

We blame everyone and everything for all things wrong in our lives. Splitting ourselves and others. I see people who mow through person after person. After a certain point, you don't get to be unaware of how you treat people. If you love someone, treat them that way.

More to come, perhaps. I only berate because I love. I believe we can be better people.

I do it because I need to know I'm not the only one who's ever felt whatever way I do that day. I need to not be alone in my misery. it provides comfort and understanding.

I do it because sometimes movies or songs express things I'm feeling that I have no words for.

The saying "misery loves company" comes to mind. If you're miserable, watching depressing movies and listening to depressing music is comfortable. I've learned over time to find comfort in other things and can direct myself to activities that lighten my mood. In the past I've been guilty of wallowing in the feeling like it was dessert.

I fully accept that the problems in my life are my own and work toward solutions. Splitting isn't much of a problem of mine though. It must be harder for people with full-blown BPD.

Yeah, excellent thread and I applaud OP for wanting to change *gives OP self awareness points *

I agree, it doesn't help at all. I call it BPD supply, very much like people with NPD have/need their supply. The only thing is pwNPD need supply to make themselves feel good, but pwBPD need supply to feel even more sorry for themselves and reaffirms their feelings of worthlessness. So sometimes, when you go 'aww Im sorry' and support people in their thinking about themselves, it doesn't help them move forward.

I'm actually emotionally stable, but I have to credit my own progress to my hubby who cut off my BPD supply. He doesn't pander to me feeling sorry for myself. Of course it took years and many rages/threats/crying episodes etc but I learned to empower myself and not succumb to the whole wallowing in misery mode.