Passion and Paralysis

If you thought this would be a post about sex, sorry.
I actually have a couple of things that I am looking forward to this week. 1)I start DBT this week. 2) I want to submit a short story to a magazine, however, I only have three weeks to complete it.

I've realized that I must write in order to save my own life. Writing is what I use to self-soothe. I am passionate about writing. Now that I have this three week time limit, and a goal to complete a story that I started a year ago, I am completely paralyzed. My body and mind are exhausted. I am terrified to write anything; terrified that I will destroy the work that I started. Submitting this story is incredibly important to me, and yet I am paralyzed. Submitting this story gives me a reason to wake up. I am terrified; cannot move forward.

Is it that I am scared to make a mistake? Actually, I am.

Maybe you should write a story about sex, but don't be cliche" about it.


(I need to think about what you wrote, and get back with you something more serious... I'm sure I have something in me, somewhere.. I just have to find it..) Hang in there...


Oh wait..... I do have something about the dbt.... Be open to it, and be prepared that the first few weeks it may not make sense and you may want to quit, but don't because it will come together...
Good luck with it!!!!! Keep us posted!

I actually didn't think it'd be about sex. It was about almost exactly what I thought it was going to be about because I've been going through the same thing with jewelry making. I have so many ideas, but I get frozen.

And yay for DBT!

I get exactly the same problem.

For me its not about being afraid to destroy my work or something, its something else completely. (I think my own explanation why belongs in a "narcissistic parenting" thread).

but I relate to that, cause at the moment, when i feel i really need to get something done, I often just freeze up and can't do it.

I do the same with idea at the moment, and don't know why, I used to do things I came up with, just try anything i thought of (slightly crazy attitude to life, lol) but for some reason atm i also just feel frozen.

"You're afraid of success" some people might say. Okay, that doesn't even begin to make sense to me right now. I'm not afraid to work on my story out of fear of success; I'm scared to write because of fear of messing up. It's interesting to observe what is happening in my body and mind right now. Complete exhaustion, it's like I am shutting down. I'm terrified of making a mistake.

I really do understand this...I am always saying that I am "moved to inaction." But try to keep in mind there is no wrong way to do this. You are talented and you have a lot to say, and there are many ways you can say it. Give yourself a little rest, start slowly. You will find your zone. Hugs.

Thanks Tea. The problem is that I actually don't have time, there is a deadline. I'm so scared of messing up.

You can do this!!
Set it out into smaller goals.. for example:
1)Draw out a plot/plan and / or character list.
Eg. intro-(insert main point)
Then under just write 3 words that will help you to remember points you want to get across in the intro.
And continue then with paragraph 1, 2, etc.
Hope you can understand the idea.


Then 2) Only write 100 words at a time.
This way you can refer to above frequently and will avoid you writing stuff then realising its out of place and have to redo it!

I hope this bad explenation helps you, I used it for my essay technique in exams!:) It helped me with my fear of messing up!

I do not have bpd but wow I think finally some people understand me??! I am having this problem for weeks maybe months. I need to finish my thesis, and the subject is really nice and interesting and I know exactly how I want to do it. But I just DON'T DO IT. It's indeed, like paralysis or being mentally and physically exhausted when I think of it. Suddenly, when I say to myself I need to work, I do other things or just stare in the distance or listening to music. Afterwards, I hate myself for it! I think I got so drunk yesterday was because I hated myself so much because of this problem. I tried everything. Vitamine pills, getting more sleep, banging my head to the wall, trying to cut myself as "punishment" to get rid of that "I am lazy and everyone sees me as a hard working person but they don't know how lazy I am deep down and I do not want to ruin their illusion but somebody needs to punish me for being lazy" thought but nothing worked. Well..maybe I did not try everything: I still didnt try my friends Ritalin pill. But..I do not have Adhd, and maybe it doesnt combine well with my sertraline, so I don't really want to take it.
Besides, I'm feeling weak when I can't overcome this without drugs. Sometimes I think my sertraline pills are causing this terrible lazy feeling, but I have always procastrinated so I don't think so.
Anyway, I agree that starting with small tasks is still the best solution, its the chaos in my head from "oh its so big where do I start" that exhaust me the most. But yeah..sometimes I even manage to ignore even the smallest tasks. So it depends. When I think about it, I may be afraid of screwing up as well, because I think what I write will be too short and superficial or it will be total nonsense or something. (thats weird, because I can influence that myself by doing research, but then I am afraid I will just "not get it" and thats silly as well because then my teacher will just say that...And I know giving her rubbish is still better than not handing in something at all, but still...)

Thanks for all of the great replies. Unimportant, I can relate to putting off writing your thesis. That is a tremendous amount of stress, and it is so easy to avoid it and find something else to do. Also, writing is such a solitary endeavor that it can be particularly difficult to have to sit with yourself and go deep inside.

I wrote some sentences today. Hell, I wrote three paragraphs!!!!