Got a return text - all is good. Man I'm a freak.

Yeah so I've been whigging out crying for the past 3 hours because my guy took too long to answer my text. Freaking hilarious.

All is good. He's with his parents. They are yelling at him for wrecking his car.

I told him he needed to text / call me if he wants to see me again because I feel like I'm chasing him or something.

Patience grasshopper.

I have serious abandonment issues. Thank god for valium lol.

Thank you all the girls on chat that supported me tonight and listened to me freak out. I'm going to talk to my therapist about how to deal with such things without bothering people. My best friend was helpful. She knows me so well. I'm lucky to have her.

((hugs)) for all of you.

I think we have all done/do what you've done. You aren't alone at all! You aren't bothering anyone on these forums by venting your emotions. You are amoung friends and we are all here to support each other. I hope things pan out with the new guy *hugs*

You are sweet dancing. But I think I've already messed it up. Sent two more facebook messages yesterday - that's 2 messages of some sort every day since Monday. Really messed it up this time. It was going okay - guy made the sweet pic I took of him on our date his profile pic, then agreed to a facebook invite to a party in a few weeks. Sounded totally chill. Then THIS:

1) I deleted ur number from my phone because I want you to call ME. And I'm going off facebook because I'm not getting enough work done. (i.e. so I will be more inaccessible). Gheesh. Some witty banter - blah blah hope I see you again "someday."

2) Late night - 3 glasses of wine: Okay, I'm a facebook junkie who no longer has your phone numer. Look, do you like me or not? I like you and I'm really pissed off about it. And I keep thinking about kissing you and that pisses me off too because I need to get work done. So let me know what's up.



Yeah, the dude thinks I'm nuts at this point I'm sure. Unless he has a really good sense of humor. He seems kind of avoidant generally. From what I hear, the ex was something else and he's still pretty hung up. Probably has nothing to do with me.

Went to therapy today to try and figure out why i go into these frantic states when I like someone. Therapist says "try and remember it's imagined abandonment, not real." Also, my life is still full without him in it. It would be nice to have him in it, but if he doesn't value me, then I don't need him anyway. Good advice I thought. Still hope he calls. Probably won't.

And then there's my histrionic gay friend who also has a crush on him and has recently discovered (thank you facebook) that something's going on, so I'm sure he'll give him a call, warn him about me, and that will be the end of it.

Someday there will be some guy somewhere that will like me even though I'm crazy. Yep. I have faith (sort of).

Thanks for listening you guys - I know it's ad nauseaum.

Again I suspect we've all been there and done that. Take the lesson and learn from it, no matter how it pans out. And I still hope it works out for you. As a male.....Id love the messages youve sent, and Id be hooked.....but I have bpd and love to be needed and adored.
As for nons......well, I think you have to play it cool. Spend time with them and show them your passion, your emotion, your wonderfully charming personality and then leave them wanting more. Think of yourself like heroin......you will attract mates with all of your alluring charms(a passionate, charming, emotional woman is extremely attractive), and then let them come running to you when they need a fix. Resist at all costs the urge to get obsessive and smother them. They will come to you
Its economics.....demand and supply......if you supply too much attention, they wont value it......if you cut the supply down, there will be great demand and they will come hounding at your door
Hope this helps *hugs*

Really? You think it's charming? Well, I'm a writer so I usually try to put a humorous spin on things. He's super hesitant though - and might just be busy because he works long hours and also goes to lots of parties. His ex girlfriend was into the "scene" and I suspect he is a bit into it too. Facebook page is like a new party every other night.

Bleh, it's a waiting game. And as you said, a lesson.

Thanks! I'm glad you're a guy - that's really cool. Lots of girls around here.

I think bpds are very charming. With a limited fixed identity, and being very emotional......we can sense what others ate looking for with our perception and feed that to them in a charming bundle. We are known for being a little manipulative, and manipulation comes from intuitively knoeing what someone wants/needs and supplying it to them. It does not need to be a bad thing at all if you have good intentions for them

Dancing is forbidden wrote:I think bpds are very charming. With a limited fixed identity, and being very emotional......we can sense what others ate looking for with our perception and feed that to them in a charming bundle. We are known for being a little manipulative, and manipulation comes from intuitively knoeing what someone wants/needs and supplying it to them. It does not need to be a bad thing at all if you have good intentions for them

I AM immensely charming - and cute and all that - and fun. But not particularly when obsessively using technology to communicate my insecurities.

Working on that one. Maybe he has a sense of humor. I do suspect there's some other reason for the reluctance though. He has a 45 minute commute to work as well, so poor guy is busy.

As you say in your reply *not when obsessively using technology to convey my insecurities*.....so resist doing that.....facebook stalk without posting write messages to yourself and dont send them.

It could work out......he could be taking the upper hand and thinking *this woman really likes me so im going to play it smooth*.....or there could be issues with his ex or his lifestyle....who knows? All you can do is continue with your life and see what happens. Love can be a bit like gambling.....if you go in blind its like rolling the dice......if you learn all the tricks and how to best advertise your best qualities it can be a lot more like getting inside information on a fixed horse race......you cant lose. The point is....stack the odds in your favour by following the best course of action and behaviour

Well I just heard from him and it turns out the poor guy has some pretty severe anxiety disorder. I knew he was on Cymbalta but I had no idea. I just want to cry because I've been so inconsiderate and self-absorbed. He says he's been having panic attacks for the last two days and doesn't know why. Hell, he's probably as scared of me as I am of him. I should have been kind and gentle. He's a really sensitive guy. Plus, he's having trouble with his parents for some reason. Anxiety explains ALL of this - the avoidance - the reluctance - everything. God I feel like such crap.

Anyway, I apologized profusely, told him I had no idea and was just wanting to talk to him about the other night and when he didn't call I felt really bad. I said I just wanted to make him happy and that I'd wait until he was ready to see me again if he wants to. He's such a beautiful soul - I'm such a witch for pressuring him. I finally found somebody I care about and I go and hurt him first thing.

I need to be a little more considerate of other people's feelings when I go into these flip-outs. I think I'm just going to go cry or a bit. I always seem to hurt people I care about. It sucks.

Hopefully he'll forgive me. I think I pressured him. I KNOW I pressured him. Poor guy. At least he was sweet enough to message me back.

All right, EC, I have officially NO ROOM to talk about texting and calling!

Last night, I was trying to break up with my bf, and he wouldnt' answer my texts or the phone, so I kept hitting REDIAL on my cell phone, oh probably, about 36 times within an hour. Never done that before, but I was SO PISSED that I couldn't help myself.

So then I was horrified at myself and my behavior, but I did eventually effectively break it off with him.

Now, I've talked to him today, and he's attempting to get the upper hand again after groveling all morning/day over my breaking up with him, and I'm a spineless piece of crap. I'm still holding strong, but I don't know how much longer.

So, good luck in YOUR quest for ignoring technology in communication... because I'm doing a TERRIBLE job of it over here!!!

<3

AMP