Terrified - met a guy a really like. Now what?

I've known this guy for a while - I don't know, maybe a 8-9 months. We were introduced by a mutual friend a while back, but both of us were going through really bad breakups. Last night we went out alone for the first time. He is the sweetest thing - so sensitive and emotional. He works at a Catholic children's school and talked all last night about how much he loves children (I have children). He is FUN. So fun - and when he kisses me the entire world spins around. We spent hours and hours and hours last night talking, making out in various rooms of his apartment, etc. I had SUCH a good time.

Huge problem. He. Is. 25. Years. Old. I look really young for my age and I'm pretty - I could pass for 28-29, but I'm not. I'm freaking 37. I can't make this guy into a f-buddy. I refused to go too far last night because I was scared to death. I didn't want to take my shirt off because I don't have 25 year old breasts! I like him TOO much. Last time I liked I guy this much I got hurt really really bad (the unmentionable narcissist ex). Can you have a relationship with a man 12 years younger than you? Seriously? I could fall in love with this guy in like 5 minutes. He is the most amazing thing. And he seems so into me. But you never can tell.

So what do normal people do in this situation? I cried all the way home last night because I knew I would have to run as far away from this guy as fast as I could. We texted last night when we got home, and this morning texted just some funny little pleasantries.

Do I just wait for him to make another move? Do I ignore him and delete his phone number and block him on facebook? Do I invite him to go out again? I know I shouldn't call / text for several days, right? So I don't look too eager.

Oh $#%^ oh $#%^ oh $#%^. I'm too scared. Should I just say forget it?

First off, I love your quote in your sig.... Robert Frost one of my favorite poems... okay , so


12 years is not a big deal, I think it's more important that people have the potential to grow together than be matched too closely to begin with. The age difference will be a twist for sure, but it shouldn't hold you back. The fact that you're scared to death also has indications of how much you feel for him and how the potential IS there.

It sounds impulsive -- your foray, but you've known him for several years so it's probably something that has been percolating. Just remember to take it slow and easy, don't go days without talking tho. He seems to be equally as into you, from what I can read in the story. Let your heart guide you.

Definitely let him see you again since you both like each other. Go with the flow and let him make another move. If he doesn't call you right away, maybe give him a call in a couple days, as if you've just been a little busy lately but are obviously still interested in him. And the age thing is not a big deal, and he probably loves that you're an older woman. There is a term for men like that, it's called heterosexual! If you can pass for late 20s, sounds like no problem at all. My suggestion is to pursue this guy, it could be the start of a great relationship. To dump him this quick because of your own insecurities sounds like a huge mistake. That is no way to treat such a great guy.

-okay, get over my insecurities, got it.

-yes, it has been brewing a while. quite a while.

-how do you tell if they are as into you as you are into them? I always give the sort of "I'm not looking for a relationship" thing to new guys just so I can cover myself if I get rejected. What if he's just looking to fool around?

-abandonment issues are really severe for me. especially after what I went through last year. I'm scared I will hurt myself and him if I dive into this.

-okay, I'm just over thinking and worrying. Yes - keep my life and priorities separate - remember what is important - got that.

- it's alright if it happens, it alright if it doesn't. I'm fine. Play it cool. Got it.

It sounds like he really does like you a lot. You just have to observe his actions and reactions for a while to be sure. And know what you want and what your boundaries are. You won't know if he's sincere or not unless you give him a chance. Either way, it's not worth driving yourself crazy thinking and worrying about it too much, no point going into a panic if he seems like boyfriend material to you. Try to be calm about the whole thing and just see what happens. It doesn't sound like he's doing anything wrong, and neither are you.

A lot was revealed last night - we told each other stuff. A lot of it I knew - he's a heart on his sleeve type - quiet natured, but with an edge. I talked about my children - I NEVER do that with guys. Things got pretty steamy but he knew I wasn't going to do anything. He was so cute - said "we WILL do this. Maybe not tonight, but we WILL." And then when it got sort of passionate at one point he says, "okay, let's just kill ourselves." Which I thought was hilariously ironic - don't know if he's seen my wrists - but just the idea that making out and not being able to do anything else was just so painful for him that he wanted to die. It was adorable. I guess I have a sick sense of humor - but my point is that's a bit of why I think he's into me too. We laughed and laughed, and kissed and laughed and kissed etc.

Argh I can't concentrate.

Okay, now you guys need to quit telling me he likes me because if he doesn't I'm going to flip worse.

Ha! That actually sounds very charming of him. And he's willing to wait, even in a steamy situation, that suggests he's a very well balanced man, the average guy would have thrown a fit for you saying no and probably would dump you immediately. I like him already.

If he's a heart-on-the-sleeve guy (and I know that feeling very well), he wouldn't have kissed you or made out with you if he didn't like you, and he certainly wouldn't have stuck around after you told him you didn't want to push things too quickly (he has my respect for that). I'm the same type and, if I had done those things, it would only be because I liked the girl. So yes, he probably DOES like you!!

As to the age, don't fret it one little bit. Some guys do like dating older women. I've dated two (for a year each), and both were both older than you are now and had a larger age gap (first one was 42 when I was 21, and the second was 45 when I was 30), plus they both had kids - the first one's kids were almost as old as I was! I didn't expect them to look like 18 year old porn stars under their shirts, but I was MORE than happy with what I saw.

So stop worrying about it. You like him, he likes you. Just enjoy it, already!

expressivecreative wrote:--how do you tell if they are as into you as you are into them? I always give the sort of "I'm not looking for a relationship" thing to new guys just so I can cover myself if I get rejected. What if he's just looking to fool around?

Well let's see you were kissing passionately, and it sounds from what you wrote that he wants to go farther so those are two big hints!!!

F**k the age difference. I've always thought that is so retarded when two people get along in everyway and someone brings up an age difference. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!!!

So YES he likes you, and trust me he'll have NO problems with your 37 year old breasts, in fact, I'm quite sure that he'll enjoy them ALOT!

Hopefully this was the kick in the ass that you need!!

Agh gosh, I can understand your insecurities I think it'd be a shame if you let him go if you're afraid, but on the other hand, I'm around your age and I would never consider a 25 year old. But that's just me, and my preferences, not you, so if you think this guy would be able to tick all your boxes, I say, go for it.