Should we be ignored when feeling suicidal? *TRIGGER*

Last night I told my husband that everything feels like it is life or death for me. Should I live or die? He said that everyone goes through hard times and they make it through. He said that he had no idea how to answer me. I think that he thought that I was upset about our finances, but that wasn't it. He was preoccupied and didn't seem to take me seriously, when what I needed more than anything was to feel safe and loved. But is that the best way to relate to us? Maybe I deserved to not be taken seriously. Maybe I should not be taken seriously.
Right now I am just trying to stay alive. I want help, but who really wants to help someone that is talking about dying? Don't people only care once the person is gone? If I attempted it wouldn't be a cry for help, I would want to make sure that it worked. I am terrified of the unknown, and terrified that if I failed things would only be worse for me.
I don't think that I was trying to get attention or be manipulative by telling my husband that everything is life or death for me. Yes, I just figured out last night that that is very black and white thinking. I've got nothing in between. I just want to be safe and left alone.

Mooshoo, I have been through this too. I am really glad you posted. You will be taken seriously here. It is just hard for people to understand...my SO shuts down when I go there too. I think it is their fear, they think if they ignore it it will go away. It doesn't mean he doesn't care or doesn't love you. And he probably just doesn't get how badly you are feeling right now.

It sounds like you are in a crisis. I think maybe you should be more explicit with your husband if you can to get him to recognize you really need support. Or is there someone else you can call? I am really concerned about you. Come to chat if you can.

Lots of hugs, please please stay safe and keep reaching out here.

Thanks so much Tea. I think that I may go take a hot bath right now. I am at home alone, which is good for me because there is no one I have to pretend for. I'm not sure how to make it through the day. I'm not sure how to do any of this. I don't know how to live in reality. I'm a woman that is really a girl. I want to escape into books, I want to live in books. I want to live in a fairytale in my mind. I don't want this reality. I want fiction.

A hot bath sounds like a good start. The way to get through the day is moment to moment. Hot bath, then maybe comfy sweatpants and some relaxing music, some more posting here, take it step by step. You will make it.

A weird thing my T says that i find helpful: Put any suicidal plans off until next week, and revisit them then. Whats the rush?

Hugs.

Awww moosh come here have a hug *hug*

I've been there, it's a horrible place, but we're here to talk if u want to talk about stuff, analyse things and whatever.

Mooshoo, my heart goes out to you today. I was going through my own thing yesterday and I know what you're saying. Our SOs don't want to think about us leaving them through death, it is as painful for them to imagine as it is painful for us to feel like dying. It feels like there is no other choice, but it is just a FEELING -- it will pass.

It's the black and white thinking..... you WILL come around! We're here for you all day, please pm me if you need to talk about anything. *gentle hugs*

I still feel very off. I don't remember having mood swings in the past like I do now. I may be perfectly fine for 30 seconds to a minute and then plummet into despair. Everything has gotten worse since starting up with therapy again eight months ago. I think that could be because I am less numb than I used to be, and I have access to all of the intense emotions much more frequently.

I just wanted to say that I had a few moments of tremendous gratitude for this forum. There are some of the kindest people that you could ever hope to meet on here. We may have serious issues, however, we also are capable of tremendous generosity and caring. With the gratitude comes pain. I wish so much that I could actually physically be with some of you, so that we could hang out and talk. I feel understood in a way that I don't feel in real life. I have cut myself off from everyone, and yet now I see that I would like to have people in my life again, but I want people like you guys!

Thanks Tea, Kira, and Moomin.

Things got a lot worse for me, too, after beginning therapy again in August. I have to believe that they just need to get worse to get better. I wish I had in-person access to this kind of support, too, but keep in mind that we ARE in your life, even if you cant physically touch us.

And yes, the empathy and caring here is really amazing. Gives me hope.

Hang in there!!!!

Tea wrote:Things got a lot worse for me, too, after beginning therapy again in August. I have to believe that they just need to get worse to get better. I wish I had in-person access to this kind of support, too, but keep in mind that we ARE in your life, even if you cant physically touch us.

And yes, the empathy and caring here is really amazing. Gives me hope.

Hang in there!!!!

You are not alone.


I struggle with severe low self image. )=