from day to night in 6 days.... first post

So this is my first post, in short, my name is David, I just turned 30 last month and was diagnosed with bpd 7 days ago. I've had bpd traits for as long as I remember as a social person. I'm gonna make this one short and sweet cuz I'm on break.... and not a happy camper.
I was finally diagnosed 7 days ago... for the next four day following, I felt great, no waves coming over me, just cool and in control... it was the fact that I finally didn't feel alone, I finally knew what the issue was.... it was great.
Now, the last two days, the thought has been "i know I have an issue, but I can't control it, why am I like this and why does my family have to cursed with me and my actions"
I would like to give u more info about myself guys, and I will... but this is just a vent. And I had to get it out.
On a scale of 1-10, I feel one notch better after posting this w my phone, but back to work. ; )[list=][/list]

Welcome, David! Glad posting made you feel better. I am *almost* 30, but was dxed w/ BPD 11 years ago (though I mostly ignored the dx at that time and didn't tell my subsequent therapists about it--until I told my new T a few weeks ago). Here's to progress!

hi david
thank you for introducing yourself...and welcome

i hope you're feeling better after sharing your thoughts with us

von frankenstein wrote:So this is my first post, in short, my name is David, I just turned 30 last month and was diagnosed with bpd 7 days ago. I've had bpd traits for as long as I remember as a social person. I'm gonna make this one short and sweet cuz I'm on break.... and not a happy camper.
I was finally diagnosed 7 days ago... for the next four day following, I felt great, no waves coming over me, just cool and in control... it was the fact that I finally didn't feel alone, I finally knew what the issue was.... it was great.
Now, the last two days, the thought has been "i know I have an issue, but I can't control it, why am I like this and why does my family have to cursed with me and my actions"
I would like to give u more info about myself guys, and I will... but this is just a vent. And I had to get it out.
On a scale of 1-10, I feel one notch better after posting this w my phone, but back to work. ; )[list=][/list]

Hi David. I'm Andra or as people tend to call me around here, MRG.
I'm 20 years old and was just diagnosed in March.
I pretty much know exactly where you're coming from wrod for word. I felt the same way after being diagnosed. In control and hopeful of being able to master it because as they say, knolege is power. and then.. the crash. The realization that I have a pretty serious mental illness to deal with and it's not just gonna go away over night. There is no magic cure.
However, I always take the medication and am hopeful to go through with DBT. You're not alone by any means, even though it certainly does feel that way at times I know.
Welcome to psych forums and this forum in particular.
I hope you will find it as helpful and supportive as I have.

Hey Dave, welcome to the asylum.

For what it's worth, your feelings are perfectly normal. I was diagnosed last May and, for a short while, I was elated. There was a name for all this crap that I was feeling, and at least I could now attribute it to something, rather than just erratic moods. Plus, as a big bonus to a BPD, I now had a label and an identity! I was something! Granted, that something is crazy, but it's a helluva lot better than nothing.

After a short time, though, that let-down feeling does set in. You wonder why you, how you got it, why you can control most every other aspect of your life except this, and a whole bunch of other things. You're going to question a lot of things and you're not going to get a whole lot of answers. Not for a while, anyway.

If your progression is anything like mine has been, the next stage will be noticing some of the things you do and thinking "hey, that's the BPD talking!" Again, just like at the beginning, the feeling with it is happiness. You'll start to recognize the signs as they're happening. The problem is that, as the learning progresses, you'll also start to realize how many signs you missed until after the fact. I'm just hitting that stage now, so I really have no clue what's next.

I finally got up the courage last week to call a psychologist to book an appointment. I don't know if he's on vacation or doesn't want more patients or what, but the SOB isn't returning my calls and every time I call, I get the stupid voice mail. It doesn't say anything about him being away, so I don't know what gives. I haven't even met the guy yet, and I'm already pissed off at him. I know I shouldn't be, and I'm trying not to be, but I am nonetheless.

You'll get used to knowing why you feel what you do. As time goes by, you'll recognize it more and more. Some days, you'll come here and be bouncing off the walls, other days you'll want to throw other people against the same walls, and other days, you'll want to forgo the walls altogether and jump off the roof. Whenever you get any of those days, feel free to rant/scream/cry/whatever. We all do it, and we can all empathize with others when they go through it. So don't ever hesitate to post, no matter how you're feeling.

JohnnyBlaze wrote:Hey Dave, welcome to the asylum.

For what it's worth, your feelings are perfectly normal. I was diagnosed last May and, for a short while, I was elated. There was a name for all this crap that I was feeling, and at least I could now attribute it to something, rather than just erratic moods. Plus, as a big bonus to a BPD, I now had a label and an identity! I was something! Granted, that something is crazy, but it's a helluva lot better than nothing.

After a short time, though, that let-down feeling does set in. You wonder why you, how you got it, why you can control most every other aspect of your life except this, and a whole bunch of other things. You're going to question a lot of things and you're not going to get a whole lot of answers. Not for a while, anyway.

If your progression is anything like mine has been, the next stage will be noticing some of the things you do and thinking "hey, that's the BPD talking!" Again, just like at the beginning, the feeling with it is happiness. You'll start to recognize the signs as they're happening. The problem is that, as the learning progresses, you'll also start to realize how many signs you missed until after the fact. I'm just hitting that stage now, so I really have no clue what's next.

I finally got up the courage last week to call a psychologist to book an appointment. I don't know if he's on vacation or doesn't want more patients or what, but the SOB isn't returning my calls and every time I call, I get the stupid voice mail. It doesn't say anything about him being away, so I don't know what gives. I haven't even met the guy yet, and I'm already pissed off at him. I know I shouldn't be, and I'm trying not to be, but I am nonetheless.

You'll get used to knowing why you feel what you do. As time goes by, you'll recognize it more and more. Some days, you'll come here and be bouncing off the walls, other days you'll want to throw other people against the same walls, and other days, you'll want to forgo the walls altogether and jump off the roof. Whenever you get any of those days, feel free to rant/scream/cry/whatever. We all do it, and we can all empathize with others when they go through it. So don't ever hesitate to post, no matter how you're feeling.

I find myself doing that! Saying to myself "that's the BPD talking" that is.
It's sometimes sort of like my mind runs on two tracks. On one hand, I know it's the BPD. On the other hand, I find myself unable to stop screaming or whatever destructive thing I'm doing.
If that psychologist isn't returning your calls, I'd try to a different one. Finding the right one is really important. One that you can trust and communicate with.