I had a bad fit *possibly triggering*

Last night I had probably the worst, well I have started calling them "fits", I have had this year. Those serious swings of negative emotions that sweep over you.

I just need to talk about it, get it out because I am still suffering from the tail end, and I need to get it out.

I got triggered, and I was struggling to keep cool. I did the dishes, I cleaned the bathroom trying to distract myself, but then I snapped. I started screaming at the top of my lungs, slamming anything my hands went on. I stomped out of the dorm wearing my boxers and attempted to head to the clay studio, where I usually go to work out the energy of a bad swing by kneading and punching the wet clay. The studio was locked, and I was screaming again. I started punching walls and fences as I made my way across campus, attacking and ripping apart shrubs as I went. I found the wood studio unlocked, and so I went in and got a mallet and a hunk of scrap wood.
I beat it. I beat it and I beat it, and then I hit it in a way that it flew across the room. It sent me into a rage, and I began to beat the table and then the wall. Drywall exploded under my mallet and it wasn't enough, so I started beating myself. I slammed my arms and my legs, and then I crumpled to the floor. I held myself, clawing my arms and biting myself in my nervous rage. Then I was overcome with tremors. My body shook and I started to sob, and scream. I was so scared. My body was erupting into the quakes and every inch of me was held tightly in fetal position. I cried silently and drool pooled out my mouth and made a puddle under my head. I writhed on the floor, screaming nonsense repeating "Mommy I am scared. I am sorry. Mommy mommy I am scared. I didn't mean it", sobbing as I lay in my own drool. I layed there for about a half an hour I think. Scared and unable to move, sobbing and wracked still by those tremors.
I eventually calmed down enough to sit up, and I crawled to get a paper towel and clean up the drool. I have never been so ashamed, so scared. Sobbing in a puddle of tears and snot and drool screaming to nobody about how scared I was is probably the lowest place I have ever been. I found my hunk of wood from earlier. I cradled it and held it because I needed something or someone to hold me. I rocked back and forth letting myself fizzle out enough to where I could walk myself back across campus. I was still delicate and sobbing, and I took a xanax.

The worst part, is that what triggered me was almost nothing. My roomate has had her dishes in the sink for 3 days, and it stinks like chef boyardee. So, not knowing when I would see her I wrote a note telling her to wash her dishes. When I come back, not only has she not washed her dishes, but she put notes everywhere to be passive aggressive. I should have stayed calm, but I didn't. I am afraid I am getting worse.

I'm sorry you went through all that it does sound like an especially bad attack/episode/fit/whatever. I think everybody here has had those to varying degrees over what seemed like "nothing". Usually though, when you really try to examine it, it often turns out to not really be about the dishes (or whatever) but rather something in the background – some form of ongoing stress. Whatever it is that’s been bothering you, I hope you manage to find a way to reduce the stress in your life, at least enough to not be triggered this badly.
I hope things get better for you soon.

yes, i agree with the above. i had one not too dissimilar a couple months ago (and now need a crash course in patching drywall.) it seemed to be over something not that big in the moment, but it was really a build-up of a lot of things for months. (i'm also sorry you went through that.)