break up?

My boyfriend broke up with me, if you guys remember my last post. But we did get back together...about a few weeks ago.

Now, he is seriously getting on my nerves. We keep arguing and i feel like he is treating me like his little b*tch. I don't think i will get better if I'm with him, he's just frustrating . I don't know if it's me or him, or both of us...but holy $#%^ this is getting difficult. Except, i can't break up with him, i'm so attached. I just have so many fears and all that crap ..i don't know how i can ever be alone.

I feel like punching him in the face and i am so fake with him. He expects me to be sweet and talk with love...why should i, i never did and i can't do that. I really don't know, i sound terrible. Probably worst girlfriend, i know i am but i hate him and i want him to have the worst girlfriend...i don't feel like he deserves my best. I enjoy torturing him and i talk sweetly on purpose with an annoying tone to piss him off. I know it's not healthy, but i don't think i can leave either.

I know i am an evil b*tch but I'm loving it. Im only evil towards my bf and the sweetest to other people. But then..i do sweet things for my bf as well, like i am planning to make a scrapbook for him. I think i want him to suffer with me ...yeah, pretty much. I don't know anymore if i love him or not...i did love him a lot before, but now it's something else. :/

Any feedback?

This sounds so much like me if I didn't know better I'd think I wrote this.

I wish I could give you some good advice, but my experiences from a very similar situation were not so good. All I can do is wish you the best and hope it turns out better for you than it did for me.

Sounds like you have some anger towards him (punching him in the face, etc.) which may be your way of coping with feelings of dependance. If you feel like you need him to go on, if you need him to continue living, that could very well make you angry by attacking every desire you may have for independence. It is a scary feeling to depend on someone else, and that feeling can make you act towards others, especially those we depend on, in ways other than we would like, but it does not make you a bad person, and it does not make you and evil b*tch.

It can be very hard to determine what you actually want in life, but hopefully you can take a bit of time and quietly think on it. It won't be easy but you have to determine whether you are angry with him because you want to be with him and depend on him and are frightened by the concept, or if you're angry with him because you don't want him around anymore.

Either way, I really wish you the best.

I guess I have a couple questions in order to make a better opinion on this.

What were the reasons that you broke up? Did he break up with you? I'm assuming so, because you said you're attached, but you can't bring yourself to do it.

Also, I don't think you hate him. I think you hate the things that he wants or expects you to do, and you're rebelling. I don't blame you, I wouldn't want to baby talk someone either. To be frank, it sounds like he is molding you into his perfect girl. And that's annoying. Which could be bringing out the anger. But the thing is, are you angry at HIM, or are you angry at YOURSELF for going along?

I think it may be both. You hate the situation, yet you won't leave. Don't be afraid of being alone. It can be some of the most liberating time you've ever spent in your life. I have cherished this last year alone, and I think it makes me a better girlfriend to my current man, and makes me appreciate the relationship even more.

But then again, I think I need more information before I can give a good bit of advice :0)

*hugs* to you!

AMP

Is being in that relationship keeping you in the same place mentaslly as always. I mean, when you are with him are you allowing yourself to be miserable because he triggers misery in you.

I know at my worst I want to drag those closest down with me. Just seeing them makes me angry, but I allowed it because I wanted to be angry, I wanted to hurt them. I've read your previous post about how you feel about yourself. Does he represent any type of happiness and you see that as a threat to your lonliness? I've done that too, made happy people around me angry because I want them to feel like I do.

It's hard to comment without knowing all sides of the story. Be safe, that's all I can say. Try to look at this relationship subjectively, what do the two of you really want from each other. And it just may be, that being with someone right now isn't in your best interest. Self-Care Self-Care Self-Care.

If you ever want to talk, PM me. I'm always willing to listen!

xxoo

(p.s. I am in no way defending your BF, just an outsider view at the whole situation!)

lonelyworld wrote:My boyfriend broke up with me, if you guys remember my last post. But we did get back together...about a few weeks ago.
Now, he is seriously getting on my nerves. We keep arguing and i feel like he is treating me like his little b*tch. I don't think i will get better if I'm with him, he's just frustrating . I don't know if it's me or him, or both of us...but holy $#%^ this is getting difficult. Except, i can't break up with him, i'm so attached. I just have so many fears and all that crap ..i don't know how i can ever be alone.
I feel like punching him in the face and i am so fake with him. He expects me to be sweet and talk with love...why should i, i never did and i can't do that. I really don't know, i sound terrible. Probably worst girlfriend, i know i am but i hate him and i want him to have the worst girlfriend...i don't feel like he deserves my best. I enjoy torturing him and i talk sweetly on purpose with an annoying tone to piss him off. I know it's not healthy, but i don't think i can leave either.
I know i am an evil b*tch but I'm loving it. Im only evil towards my bf and the sweetest to other people. But then..i do sweet things for my bf as well, like i am planning to make a scrapbook for him. I think i want him to suffer with me ...yeah, pretty much. I don't know anymore if i love him or not...i did love him a lot before, but now it's something else. :/
Any feedback?

I just posted this, it applies to you:

borderline-personality/topic71760.html

Break up with him, tell him, call him out, hold him accountable, face him, honor yourself by following your own instincts and your feelings!!

Just like me!

So did he ask you back? Or did you ask him?

Also your boyfriend is probably co dependent and may cause the problems too. Don't put all the blame on yourself because it isn't just you sweetie<3 despite what we have been told

Anomander, i think i'm more angry because i'm dependent on him. I hate to feel helpless and weak. I am frustrated with myself for being afraid that he will leave me. But he does do things to really upset me. He recently started seeing a therapist himself, apparently she was bpd, and she told him to stay far away from me when i am raging. For him, it's the best thing to do, but for me it's Hell! Then i just get so angry and I want him to break up with me so I try to push him away because I can't break up with him...i just want him to do it so if i regret it later on I can easily blame it on him.


Ali,

He broke up with me many times. The root of it all was my anger. He wanted me to respect him, be intimate, and just stop blaming him for things he didn't do.
You are right, I don't hate him, I just hate the way he's been dealing with things recently. His therapist told him it's best for him to walk away from me when I'm raging so he can keep himself sane. He doesn't think about how that makes me feel and that i get a panic attack every time he rejects me. Also, when he talks to me like a child it obviously makes me angry..i feel like i am his pet. I am angry at him and I am angry with myself for letting this day come. I feel like a lot has changed for me. I was the type to say I will never have a boyfriend and I hate boys ...and then suddenly i met him and worshipped him, then suddenly got diagnosed with bpd and everything is just flying lol! It is overwhelming, but all i want him to do is stay beside me. It makes me sad to think that he is right. He used to be very sweet and do whatever to make me happy, but it didn't work. Now that he is being rude, it's not working either. I don't really know what will work. The only difference is that I started dbt, so maybe he can try being sweet again because i can't deal with him ignoring me when i am going through Hell. He will be going to school in a week and it's five hours away from where I live, so I can use that space to treat myself. I can appreciate and love myself, without having him around.

Moks,

He does make me feel miserable, but he has made me the happiest I have ever been. It's definitely a love and hate thing for me. When I am angry, I want to drag him along and when I am happy, I can be so sweet. It sucks that these things change too often. I can't really handle too much happiness so I break down and have a panic attack when things are going too well for me. I attack negativity and make things worse for myself, afterwards I complain that my life sucks and my bf hates me.

Invisible Ghost,

so i copied the same things you listed about how your bf made you feel. He said "Im sorry for all of the above. None were intentional...feelings come and go, don't mix it up for the truth. if i had to list it would look somewhat similar, but im not going to hold you up against it because it's a waste of time" I guess it's good that he doesn't hate me for a lot of awful things i say to him at times..he says he knows I don't do it intentionally. I didn't want to break up with him...i just can't do it. He doesn't want to leave me either.

Update:
I ended up seeing him today, i was planning to break up with him. When I saw him, i asked why he was in this relationship and he said "I want you, I love you..." I asked why he loved me and he listed a few things, I said he could get that from anyone else, why bother and waste your time. I forgot what he really said but he had a long conversation. My anger faded away after he forced me to hug him...he knows that cures me. He said if i have a legitimate reason to be angry then it wouldn't be so easy for me to change from anger to love from just a hug. It's like i forgot what happened and why I came to see him. But i did make sure to fix things. I told him to make a deal with me. For one month, don't walk out on me, don't ignore me, don't treat me like a kid...all the stupid things he has been doing and I told him i'll try my best to treat him with respect, be intimate, and loving. He doesn't expect me to be a happy person, just as long as I don't blame him and accuse him of things that are untrue. It sounds reasonable to me. Let's just see if i can do it and stick to this one month deal.

-- Thu Aug 25, 2011 8:41 pm --

crimsonandclover wrote:Just like me!

So did he ask you back? Or did you ask him?

Also your boyfriend is probably co dependent and may cause the problems too. Don't put all the blame on yourself because it isn't just you sweetie<3 despite what we have been told

Well, he called me a day after he broke up and said "I miss you" his first words, instead of a hello. He was being sweet and asked me what I want, and i had said I want to be single. But i only said it out of anger...cause what the hell, why ask me what i want after you break up with me? I thought he was an idiot. Two weeks later, i said let's get back together since he was still talking to me and saying I love you. It felt like we were in a relationship, but I do need the title. I was being paranoid that he was with other girls while having me on the side. You know how it is. But you're right..he has a few problems, he has anxiety and some depression. He is not perfect and makes mistakes...but when i get mad he blames it on bpd. I told him to stop using bpd as an excuse for everything...i do have a legitimate reason to be angry.

lonelyworld wrote:
Invisible Ghost,
so i copied the same things you listed about how your bf made you feel. He said "Im sorry for all of the above.

He acknowledged your feelings.

None were intentional...
I'm sure they weren't, but now he knows about them, so what now? ignore or address them?

feelings come and go, don't mix it up for the truth.

Who's truth? His or yours? feelings dont come and go, they remain, and suppressed feelings get stronger until they can not be ignored any more.

if i had to list it would look somewhat similar, but im not going to hold you up against it because it's a waste of time"

That's his choice and opinion. What do YOU think? Do you want to address them, or ignore them?

I guess it's good that he doesn't hate me for a lot of awful things i say to him at times..he says he knows I don't do it intentionally.

But does he listen and care about your feelings? You are entitled to state your feelings at all times and you deserve to be listened to

Who's truth? His or yours? feelings dont come and go, they remain, and suppressed feelings get stronger until they can not be ignored any more.

I think it's HIS truth that he's talking about..my truth doesn't matter because it's not "real". He thinks that my feelings come and go, so there's no point in addressing them (i think). He never said anything like that but I'm assuming. He has a wrong idea about bpd and I am trying to get him to see my therapist with me. I need him to be clear about the issues i have, instead of hearing things from others..not all professionals are great.

But does he listen and care about your feelings? You are entitled to state your feelings at all times and you deserve to be listened to

He says he cares about me and my feelings. When i tell him i am feeling down, he talks to me, but i just don't feel better. The problem comes when I attack him and disrespect him because i just had a bad day. In that case he doesn't know about my feelings, I am just assuming he should know.