Hello

Hi,

Couldn't see an 'introduce myself' thread so I thought I would just say a few words. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 19 (I'm 26 now) but it was only until last summer that myself, my loved ones and my doctors starting taking it seriously (being sectioned tends to do that). I have experienced a couple of episodes of major depression as well. The last one, which occurred last summer, culminated in an overdose (not my first time at the rodeo with that one) and a 2 and a half month stay in a mental institution. Since then I have worked to fight the symptoms of BPD whilst also accepting that it is a part of me and that still, a good life is possible. It is a difficult balancing act and at the moment, I'm struggling a lot. It doesn't help that I've just finished a course of very helpful psychotherapy and am currently being transferred to one mental health team to another as I have just moved (hello abandonment issues!). Anyway, it would be great to be able to talk to others who know what I'm talking about. I'll share more as things go along.

Emma x

Hi, thanks for the introduction.

You actually bring up something that concerns myself.

I think it may never be 'taken seriously' in my case as I have never, and will never lose control. I just don't have in it me. Well, that's it, I do have it in me but I'm very rational and composed. I'm a rational, composed borderline It isn't a contradiction actually -- it merely behaves like one.

That is, by nature I'm rationally minded, by disorder I'm quite the contrary. So,.. I have the same stuff in me everyone else does --and it does comes out-- it just often comes out in ways one might not expect. It comes out in an exacting, often 'cool' manner yet in reality it is anything but 'cool'. I used to think this gave me some edge up over my disorder, but it doesn't, it simply warps it's actualization and outward manifestation.

I've often looked at some others with BPD in the past and thought: I don't get it, why can't they control it? Is it that they don't realize they can, or are they weak? The truth is they're just different. Or, I'm different. Who's to say, really.

Hmm .. I'm now beginning to see a bit more why, possibly, I may have been diagnosed Bipolar II. You've been very helpful and supportive, thank you.

Hello. I'm also new but didn't do a thread- whoops!

Apocallcaps wrote:I think it may never be 'taken seriously' in my case as I have never, and will never lose control. I just don't have in it me. Well, that's it, I do have it in me but I'm very rational and composed.

You're not alone; I'm a massive, massive control freak . I think sometimes it stops me getting the help I need. Maybe you're the same?

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:Maybe you're the same?

In part, yes.

I've often stated to people though that "I'd rather be strong and miserable than weak and happy." That is, if I can't have both.

It ends up the case that I only reach for help if the situation is absolutely desperate, or I need to obtain a massive end (that doesn't sound right, somehow). Insofar as being sectioned or hospitalized, ha, ain't happenin'. No one will have involuntary power over me. I even fought being put in a group living environment, I left the goddamn country LOL. It was the right move really,.. I would have just rotted away there, and I am not an invalid. You might also say that I thought I was too good for it, which I am.

Good things have come out of it though, I've learnt to fend for myself. I had to become the way I have at a stage in my life to survive, and it has stuck. There's no going back, really. You can't just up and decide one day afterward "I'm going to flip out and completely lose my $hit! YAY!" That sort of thing has a way of happening spontaneously all its own. Once you have the knowledge and power on how not to, you have it always.

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:Hello. I'm also new but didn't do a thread- whoops!

You don't seriously need to. I just popped out of no where and began replying to threads, I thought it would be funny.

People have rued the day since; at one stage I thought the sole purpose of my PM box was for SmileXx to tell me I've been a nooty nooty boy.

Welcome to the forum and our community! I hope that you will find everyone most supportive (you will!), and a peace of mind that you may need once in a while... this is a very non-judgmental community, and I think you'll feel at home here. Feel free to PM me if you need anything particular, or are just having a hard time :0).

It is hard to accept BPD, but I think once you can work through the initial shock of it, and like you said "take it seriously", then things will move a little smoother. Have you met with your new treatment team yet? I'm sorry you were in lockdown- I've been there before too, and it truly is its own experience. I wish you well on your journey and road to recovery!

AMP

Welcome aboard the board!!

Apocallcaps wrote: "I'd rather be strong and miserable than weak and happy."

I should make this my life quote! Exactly how I think. You're in my head again

Beatrix - I didn't either, don't worry I just started replying to posts. Though I'm starting to think I should have.. oops.

Haha, you are a nooty nooty boy Apoc

Welcome to the board Emma If you need any support or help, or just someone to talk to, PM me. Don't be afraid to post your problems too! Everyone on here is very understanding and supportive <3

Welcome Emma

Welcome to the forum Emma!

Apocallcaps, thanks for your words about your experience in this thread. It was really helpful for me. I know that I have it in me to completely lose it and fall apart, however, my fear of having anyone try to control me has given me the ability to numb myself out enough that when I was going to sent to the hospital I was able to "pull myself together", although in actuality I wasn't together at all. I just absolutely terrified of being out of control and entrusting myself to someone's care other than my own.