aaalalalala

ahh. finally.

this is the way to be, see?
if only they would reply, sooner to me.

if only if only.

if only it wasnt unhealthy, if only it didnt run in my family, this is the way i would be,


but it worked for bukowski, so why shouldnt it work for me?

I dig it...

###$ this and ###$ everything.
###$ me.
i cant ######6 live like this.... i really cant... i cant take this anymore...

i have nothing good to look forward to in my life. i hate even these words as i type them. they are ugly words... adolescent words.. greasy pockmarked words..

how can a person go from feeling so good, or at the very least completely fine, to feeling like this. the illusion falls.

and i cant even edit the above post.. how the ###$ do i edit my original post???? its #######4 that i wrote drunk... i want to erase it.

sorry, if i'm offending anyone with this... just feel like i am going to explode.. or more likely implode with self hate, worthlessness, anger, sorrow, and loneliness...

i just need to make sure i exist.. i exist in a post...
it can get hard to tell sometimes...if one exists, when one is alone in a room.

Fair enough...

why is everyone posting with (...) after their words?

i know i'm a mess right now. and i'm sorry my mess is puking all over this forum.

I didn't mean to offend you. But I don't know how to respond. It doesn't sound like you're a mess just by reading your posts, but it did confuse me.

((hugs))

You're not alone in this. We all feel this way from time to time.

By the way, you're not polluting the forum! You're telling us how you feel and theres nothing childish about expressing your self.

BPD is a b*tch. Being drunk is sometimes the only way to cope with it.

Yeah only after the drunkenness is over, it makes me have mood swings.

I dont think you need to worry that you have offended people, I am definitely not offended by any means, I feel for you. I am impressed that you are able to write so coherently when drunk! theres a positive for you.

Unfortunately we have a disease which leads to us being seriously f####d up just know that youre not alone, all of us here know exactly how you feel and know exactly what it is like to go through the ups and downs, you just need to try and hold on the best you can during the downs and keep telling yourself that one day there might not be any more downs.

I believe there is only a certain amount of time in which you can edit the post?

By the way, I had to try so so hard not to use ... because i always write using ... between my sentences

hug and kiss on ur forehead

Brooke, I just wanted to let you know that whenever I see your name associated with a post, I feel drawn to read whatever you have written. Even when you feel crappy, there is a light shining through your words. I hope that you are feeling better now, and remember that you have SOOO much value.
Sending hugs your way.