I apologize if I've been a bit 'off'.

I don't know, but I may have been saying very off-color things here and there; even for me.

Mostly, a combination of instability in life, and having to cut my meds in half as well as look for possible alternatives due to financial reasons has been throwing me about now and again. I just don't feel at my most stable, or as stable as I'd gotten myself to; which really bothers me as I put so much work and personal effort into getting there.

I'll find it again...

Things in life throwing me around I can deal with, as even so-called 'norms' deal with that in their own right; however, I hate how my reliance on medication can warp my real personality and natural behavior and it's only somewhat under my control. I wish everything were under my control. It's how it should be, my Will ought to trump all; while that's a nice idea and definitely something to go with nonetheless, I've discovered of late that is simply isn't that simple...

i hope things pick up for you very soon
money problems suck - but we are so dependent on money nothing is free anymore - and prices just keep rising and its getting harder to pay bills or get food/meds/rent

life sucks

jessicaborthwick wrote:i hope things pick up for you very soon
money problems suck - but we are so dependent on money nothing is free anymore - and prices just keep rising and its getting harder to pay bills or get food/meds/rent

life sucks

Yes. Thanks, mate. Perhaps I should take my own advice and hold on. It's just that I held on for so long and it finally paid off, I got a relationship and got married and began going to school, working et al, and then it fell apart. It's like there's a part of me saying "I'm too exhausted to go through that holding on $#%^ again; we've been there, done that, and it was supposed to be over." I think if I can keep riding all of this out long enough, I'll get back into the state I was in that allowed me to find some semblance of real life.

Perhaps, having learned from my previous experience, I'll have even more my next time around -- and be able to make more out of it.

Apocallcaps wrote:

jessicaborthwick wrote:i hope things pick up for you very soon
money problems suck - but we are so dependent on money nothing is free anymore - and prices just keep rising and its getting harder to pay bills or get food/meds/rent

life sucks

Yes. Thanks, mate. Perhaps I should take my own advice and hold on. It's just that I held on for so long and it finally paid off, I got a relationship and got married and began going to school, working et al, and then it fell apart. It's like there's a part of me saying "I'm too exhausted to go through that holding on $#%^ again; we've been there, done that, and it was supposed to be over." I think if I can keep riding all of this out long enough, I'll get back into the state I was in that allowed me to find some semblance of real life.

Perhaps, having learned from my previous experience, I'll have even more my next time around -- and be able to make more out of it.

as you say to me life will get better

I'm sorry things are getting hard. I know how you feel. It sucks being broke, especially when you can't get your basic needs in...

I know this is completely off topic... But I love all your wolf avatars. They're so neat.

Its ok, we can all be a bit off at times, especially with the meds thrown in too, it doesn't help. I'm sorry things are hard for you at the moment, I hope they get better soon. you're right, i think it is possible to learn from things, and i think once you can get over the effects of the past sometimes the future really can be better, and according to what people say, BPD does get better as time goes on too. so both those things are on your side, even when other things are really putting you through it. Hang in there, and remember bpd can make the normal stuff harder too so try not to be too hard on yourself about it. ((((hugs))))