Should I Be Worried/Embarrassed?

So I told someone who isn't really a close friend anymore (hasn't been for over a year) this weekend that I had BPD. Here's some background information.

We used to be inseperable in college, and were the best of friends until dating two guys who were best friends tore us apart for awhile. We reconciled after neither of us were with the guys anymore, and our friendship was right back the way it used to be. In fact, she was one of my Maids of Honor in my wedding (she and my sister).

So this past year she got pregnant (on purpose) with the same guy that she was dating years ago that tore us apart. My take on things is that he will not marry her, but she says she doesn't want to marry HIM because she "doesn't want to merge their credit, because his is bad." I think that's a crock of sh*t. Anyways, I stayed supportive of this pregnancy and the kid, and have never had a bad word to say about the dude, even though he and I haven't spoken in over 7-8 years.

She never invites me to her new house she just purchased, and she acts like we're close as ever when I see her (which was once in March, to show off the baby at dinner, and Saturday night, when we all got together for a bachelorette party). I decided to divulge to her that I was BPD.

Now this morning she sent me a scathing text telling me to f*cking take down this picture of her smoking a cigarette at the party. I didn't even know the photo had her smoking! SHEESH!!!! So I texted her back and let her have it, told her to quit being a raving b*tch and to take her sh*tty day out on somebody else.

I have since de-tagged her in the FB photos. I'm thinking about de-tagging her and de-friending her for good from my LIFE, but now I'm afraid she'll tell people that I'm BPD.

Some people already think I'm nutty as squirrel poop, so do I just de-friend her and not care, or do I just let things go?

All ideas and opinions welcome!

AMP

This doesn't sound like a safe friendship for you, actually it sounds pretty unhealthy and like you really need to protect yourself from this "friend". I would not let things escalate with her, but instead try to disengage. She doesn't sound like someone that you can trust and you definitely don't want to add fuel to the fire. As difficult as it may be, I would apologize for the FB picture to try to diffuse the situation, and then disengage altogether from the relationship. Take care of yourself. Sending you lots of strength and good thoughts.

Thank you, Moo - I needed that.

No, I don't believe she is a good friend for me. I even mentioned to her on Saturday that I'm thinking of moving to be with my bf in April (it will have been a year for us then), and she said that it was too early. I felt like telling her that most people don't have kids but refuse to marry a man either, but I DID refrain from doing that. I would have just been hitting spite with spite.

I took the photo down, and de-tagged her from all the photos from that night. I really want to de-friend her, but I think you're right - this will only add fuel to the fire. I'll shows some self-containment and not do it though. I wouldn't mind if she would take me off her friend list though. I'm sick of seeing her invite every other FB friend to her new house, and leaving me out in the cold.

AMP

Obviously she was frightened at the idea of being seen smoking for whatever reason(s),.. sounds like she was freaking out. Simply as it came out as anger towards you doesn't necessarily mean she was actually angry with you. In order for her to have been actually angry with you she'd have to think you somehow knew she didn't want to be seen smoking, so you then deliberately put up the picture in malice--in which case she'd be paranoid.

You should ask what her problem was... you've already told her you knew nothing of her smoking in the photo and/or you thought nothing of it, so say something along the lines of "You know, I didn't deserve that, what was it all about?"

Then decide how to proceed...

You have nothing to be embarrassed about but I do of course understand your worry about being found out, I am also deciding whether to tell anyone (aside from by rather undeserving boyfriend) but I think have decided against it. But I think in reality it doesnt mean much to people who dont know about it and probably wouldn't even be something they would think of using against you. And even if they did know what it meant, she would have to be a pretty horrible person to use that against you. Hopefully she was just having a moment but is mostly a decent person who wouldnt want to hurt you.

I think her reaction to the picture sounds pretty extreme though! Guess she has her reasons but you took the pic down, I agree dont defriend her as that will just add fuel to her fire and just let it blow over, it sounds like she has her own issues anyway so hopefully she will forget about yours. Do you have any mutual friends that it would matter to if she did say anything?

Well, she did say yesterday that she didn't want any pictures of her smoking on FB because the baby's grandparents can see, etc. (even though she smokes pot and snorts pills). I truly didn't MEAN to post a picture of her smoking, she almost had it behind her back inthe photo. It was my error, but I wasn't happy with her snarling text that early in the morning, and I told her that I hadn't had a chance to take it down, but that she needed to stop being a raving b*tch and to take her f*cking sh*tty day out on someone else. I also told her she needed to check herself.

I actually felt pretty damn good when I did that. I have a lot of pent-up aggression towards her due to the fact that she used to be my bestie, and now she's pretty much a stranger. She hangs out with an ex-bf of mine who I do not get along with, so I'm pretty sure that she chooses that group of people over me. Actually, I'm not being paranoid, she DID choose that group of people over me. Last year. Then she would only contact me when she wanted to tell me that people were spreading crappy rumors about me. I think she likes to put me down for some reason.

I don't know where she gets off. But I would love to tell her WHERE TO :0) I won't though, I promise...

AMP

Agree with Apocallcaps there.

Either there's no good reason for her to tell anyone you have BPD or she is a person you'd probably do best not to be friends with anyway.

My daughter has several 'friends' like this.

Friends who are full-on and then just seem to forget about her.

Friends who promise they'll always be there for her... and then aren't.

Friends who promise to invite her next time they're having a party... then my daughter sees on FB that they're having a party and inviting everyone but her.

Even when she was in Primary School, it seemed the whole of the class were invited to a party, apart from my daughter.

BPD has a lot to answer for.

I'll be honest with you, your daughter sounds like me in middle and high school. Always on the edge of an invitation, but never getting one unless someone needed a ride that was invited :0(. I don't wonder why I have no self-esteem. If others don't like me, then why should I?

I am going to take your all's advice. I am pretty much done being friends with her. I've waited around long enough in my life for her to be a friend, and it's like waiting at the airport for a cancelled flight.

AMP

I totaly get how your feeling miss ali, im goin through what I feel is similar at the moment. I haven told many bout Bpd, jst my ex and my friend of 18 years.however since this ive barely spoke 2 them let alone seen them. It can b so upsetting cant it.i try and tell myself that mayb after 18 years that this friendship is just not workin. I hate thinking like this bt it realy getin me down knowin or feelin that she doesnt realy care if im in her life. It horrible the way our brain goes into overtime,jst writing this is realy makin me feel really crap. and it even worse when you know that it not coz of the BPD makin you feel paranoid and it genuinly is the other person bt your issues will always be used against you. It not realy very fair,coz that jst makes you think it must be all you - when I say you I mean me ha,if that makes sence. Hope u ok.x