Does this sound like BPD?

I have been being told for years that I have it, but for a long time, my therapist disagreed with the doctors. Well, I have never been in a real relationship (I am 23). But I want to give an example of what happened between me and a girl I like. I liked her, so I texted her that I wanted her to stop coming around because I wanted to be anorexic again, and I needed my space. Then I proceeded to tell her that I like her (She is gay too, just to let you know). Well she said she didn't like me back, and I told her to come to my house and get her things because we couldn't talk anymore. She got real pissed, came over, and we got into a fight. One which involved me punching a wall, burning myself with a cigarette, hitting my hand with a hammer, throwing my cell phone into the pool, etc. Then she finally left my house. I was crying ALL night. A few days later, I texted her and threatened suicide. (Although that's really how I felt). She didn't give any reaction until a while later, and she said she cared, then all the sudden, I was happy again. Basically, my emotions are never stable. And every time I've liked a girl, I've threatened suicide, which tends to drive them away. I just go out of my mind. Does this sound like BPD?

Unstable relationships, emotions all over the place and self harming behaviours are some of the criteria for BPD (in the current DSM, at least).

No one here can tell you for sure, if you disagree with what you've been told by your therapist or doctors, it might be worth requesting a referral to a psychiatrist for diagnosis.

Whatever it is, you really do need to get a bit of a handle on things. It's not okay to be abusive in any relationship. Perhaps your therapist can help you gain control over your reactions to your emotions, regardless of whether she believes you do or don't have BPD.

Borderlines can get very dependent on their therapists and I think transferring sexual feelings onto one's therapist can be quite usual, given the amount of emotional intimacy involved in a therapeutic relationship. If you are gay rather than bi, possibly choosing a male therapist might help you focus on the issues without sexual infatuation getting in the way of the therapeutic relationship. Borderlines need really strong boundaries esp. with your therapist. A therapist visiting your home can be confusing for a borderline as it can feel more like a "friend" relationship than a "treatment" relationship. Regardless of whether you are or aren't borderline, those tips, may help you sustain good therapeutic relationships regardless of what label you my have. Dialectic Behavioural Therapy is a very sensible therapy, regardless of diagnosis. Your doctors might be able to help you move towards an effective therapy of some sort. The last therapeutic relationship seemed to be counterproductive, even though both parties seemed to do their best to make it work. You have to decide that it is wellness that you want, because no one is about to invest their energies to help you self-destruct. I hope that helps. LWx

It has been psychiatrists that have diagnosed me. I have been inpatient for psychiatric 19 times. And I am only 23. I have attempted suicide several times, had anorexia badly, a constant cutting problem, etc. My parents had me until 8 months, but didn't even feed me. Then my grandparents raised me but I was abused by three of my family members. I am not worried about liking my therapist in that way. She is much older than me. I am also agoraphobic, but I do still go to her office. She doesn't come here. I am constantly walking on eggshells because of my emotional instability. I am always afraid of rejection, abandonment, etc. But also of just simply getting my feelings hurt. I will do anything, including push people away, to prevent that. Then I threaten suicide or some other self harm to get them back. I have absolutely no self esteem. I go from being suicidal; thinking life isn't worth living, will never get better, severe emotional turmoil, to happy go lucky. And it can happen very rapidly. I've been on just about every medication known to man kind including getting my brain shocked, and none have worked..

There's a lot wrong, but there's a lot right.

They say if you are breathing, you have more right with you than wrong with you. (But I think that was made up by someone who wasn't in chronic mental or physical pain).

There is a long way to go, but if you want to get to "Health" city you have to keep walking. It is undoubtedly a hot and tiring and dusty and lonely road, but the destination is real and is achievable.

I'm not a stranger to the awful feelings you have inside and I still get them from time to time but I am better than what I used to be... and distance travelled is the gauge I go by.

I'm not denying your pain. It is very real. And I'm not denying how hard the journey is.

I think the best part about being here is that we can keep each other company as we trudge that hot, dusty road to wellness together.