my girlfriend has BPD, what the best thing to do?

hello everyone, me and my girlfriend have had alot of problems with our relationship, recently she was diagnosed with BPD, and reading through the symptoms seems to describe her to a tea, i am here to ask from other's that live with this, what is the best thing i can do for her health? i am really ignorant to this and it would be awesome to get some insite into the best thing for me to do in this situation.

thanks in advance for any advice

The best thing I can suggest is that firstly you have a long, hard think about whether you are REALLY going to make a go of things. If you have ANY doubts at all then you need to tread very VERY carefully. It's easy to say you will never ever leave her but you have to be prepared for a long few years ahead of you - longer if you are somewhere in the world where treatment isn't free. My ex- husband swore he would never leave me....yeah right. We lasted 13 years which is nothing to be sneezed at....but I tried to kill myself one or two dozen times too often for him.

So - make that decision. If you truly feel you can handle things (and do your reading up so you know what you might be getting youself into) then you need to tell her so. Make it clear that you support her and want to be there for her, but that you won't put up with behaviour that you shouldn't have to. By that, I mean if she goes into a wild temper tantrum for no obvious reason, you are allowed to tell her she is being unreasonable (because of her condition) and that you will leave her to calm down for a time and then come back to discuss what's REALLY bothering her. You need to make it clear (more than you feel necessary) that you are there for her and if you're leaving for any length of time (sometimes even just a few hours, hopefully just something like a weekend for work) you need to make it clear that you are coming back, you will miss her and you love her. Keep communication open - set aside time each week to discuss how she's feeling - what's upsetting her, what's going well, what she would like to do the following week. I find having structure really helps me; and it would have been helpful to have that communication with my ex. Also make it clear that you want to talk about yourself too - it's easy for us with BPD to forget that other people have problems or feelings. SOunds horrible I know but we don't mean it - it's just the way our brains work in stressful situations. I really have to remind myself to ask other people the questions they've asked me (like how are you, how are your kids, what have you got planned for over the summer). SOunds simple stuff but it just doesn't come into my mind because I'm so stressed by simply talking to some people at times - and when we think with our emotional minds (which people with BPD do almost all the time) then rational thought gets pushed out - our brains simply can't process the exaggerated emotions AND common sense. It's only later that we remember, once our stress levels are back to some level of normality and then we feel horribly guilty....

the only thing to remember at all times with your GF is that if she gets overly emotional about anything - it's only overly emotional by YOUR standards. With your average brain that handles emotions in a healthier way. We don't do it on purpose, it's just the way our brains work. So don't say "there's no need to get so stroppy" or "there's no need to cry"....chances are she knows there is no need for it but literally can't stop herself. So even though you think you're helping by saying that kind of thing, you're really NOT helping - you just make her feel worse for reacting the way she does which is out of her control in the first place.

I hope that gives you some stuff to think over. I'm not trying to put you off - the fact that you're on here asking how to help is great.