How do I handle this: both myself and my son's gf have BPD.

jasmin wrote:Yah, don't chase after her. Maybe she's in a phase where she needs "space" or something. Leave her to it and tell her why you didn't try "harder" when she finally starts talking to you again.

Jasmin,

That's the plan. Exactly. Communication is supposed to work both ways, right?

Thank you. You are so nice.

Of course it should work both ways! It's going to be ok, I bet she'll realize that she needs therapy.
You're really nice too

jasmin wrote:Of course it should work both ways! It's going to be ok, I bet she'll realize that she needs therapy.
You're really nice too

So what's been going on with this situation? I hope you're good

jasmin wrote:So what's been going on with this situation? I hope you're good

Thanks, yesterday was not so great. Terrible physical pain from my Scoliosis. And sometimes the physical pain trigs emotional pain and vice versa. I hope you are doing very well yourself.

Well, she said she would call the therapist, but as far as I know she hasn't. She just started a new job so I have tried to understand that and after all Rome wasn't built in a day.

She really triggered me last weekend (there was another post in the forum somewhere about that) because she asked my son to stay home and miss 3 hours of his college class so she could SLEEP...they were expecting delivery of a love seat. I didn't say a word to her. But I am sure you can figure out how much I wanted to blast her. It bothers me more that my son agreed to that.

I asked my mother, I guess trying to see things from both sides, if I ever acted the way my son's girlfriend did at that age. She is pretty good at being objective usually. But she said that I wasn't. But then she also reminded me that by her age I had a two-year old. So who knows if that has something to do with it.

Just sad that she has alienated everyone in the family. Right now I just have to stay away from her. She triggers me too much.

It does sound like she expects too much from him... Honestly, maybe the best thing would be for him to deal with his own issues (the ones that are making him put up with everything). But, he's a grown man and it's up to him to deal with his own life and realize things about himself, I guess.
I'm sorry she triggers you so badly.

I just thought you'd post again when you'd be ready, I didn't mean to ignore the thread or anything, by the way.

jasmin wrote:It does sound like she expects too much from him... Honestly, maybe the best thing would be for him to deal with his own issues (the ones that are making him put up with everything). But, he's a grown man and it's up to him to deal with his own life and realize things about himself, I guess.
I'm sorry she triggers you so badly.

I just thought you'd post again when you'd be ready, I didn't mean to ignore the thread or anything, by the way.

Yes, you've got that same conclusion that I have. I am just now going to spend positive time with him. Thursdays our are date night now. That's the best I can do. Give him positive attention. Ask him a few positive questions about her. Nothing else. He IS 24, and I guess when he is ready he will make the changes he needs to make at the time. I'm sorry she triggers me so badly, too, but what I can do? Radical Acceptance, I guess. LOL

I didn't feel ignored. I got triggered badly yesterday here on the board. I thought I'd need a couple days to regroup, but I am good now. I am able to recover faster and faster. Good sign.

Thanks for your response and your caring and interest!!

You should put yourself first right now and do something nice for yourself. You've been in this stressful situation for too long. Maybe you'll be a good example for your son that way.

Hehehe, we can always talk!

jasmin wrote:You should put yourself first right now and do something nice for yourself. You've been in this stressful situation for too long. Maybe you'll be a good example for your son that way.

Hehehe, we can always talk!

I agree. Right now the nice thing for myself is to not let myself be too triggered. LOL And I love your insight. I DO want to set a good example.

Thanks, really, Jasmin, I see that you always take the time to answer...and being an admin (I think I saw that next to your username) I appreciate it even more. Got to be hard to keep up!

What do you enjoy doing?

We have more mods now, so it's not too hard to look after the site and posters and I like it