Loving Someone from Afar

Have you guys ever loved someone from afar? Never told them about it? Never made a move?

I've loved a girl from afar before. She was my riding partner in college for horseback riding. We spent a lot of time together for about 4 months. It wasn't a crush. My therapist said it bluntly, "You love her". It was so hard on me as a Borderline. Every time she would reject my offer to go out somewhere after class, I'd cut myself. Eventually I attempted to overdose a few weeks after the class ended & I would never see her again. Nor would I be able to see her again somewhere else without being overcome with emotion & want to commit suicide. It's so overwhelming. I'd figured that you guys would understand since all Borderlines have such strong emotions & utter passion.

It feels almost as though I'm poisoned & I'm dying a slow death. It's been a year since I haven't seen her. I feel so.. rejected. How can love be so painful?

This isn't the post for me to respond to since I've never felt anything like that, but I like responding to your posts.

I have, though I like to deny it, had little I guess you could call them crushes on people here and there. I'd tend to 'watch' people I found interesting. But then I get over them...I know i probably wouldn't end up liking then and they wouldn't like me and we'd end up just not liking each other. Especially since it takes me so long ot open up to anyone.

The only people I ever told i had a crush on were 2 people. One in the first grade who I wrote a secret admirer letter to and stuck in on his trampeline. He politely and very kindly, especially for a boy that age, turned me down. It was actually sweet of him. I was devestated for that day, and then I got over it. Then in the 8th grade for osme reason I got it in my head I really liked this guy..and now that I look back at it I'm like.....wTF why? Anyway, he turned me down too. That's it. Gosh I hate admitting that.

I guess I feel like liking someone or loving them after barely even knowing them is silly and don't like to own up when I feel like that. It also doesn't go well with the very unsocial me who 'doesn't need anybody' .

I do , however, know that if I ever do fall in love it will be like a big tornado hit me. It would be so bad if they left me too. Mainly because it does take so much for me to open up . And if I got hurt after I did...Oh gosh. I'm rather afraid to fall in love in all honesty.

It's completely impossible for me to relate to someone like you. Because you don't get affected when your crushes turn out to be so simple. Mine are like... my cheetah is running, but it doesn't stop at 10 seconds, it just keeps going & going. Eventually the heart will die.

I'm so morbid. But I can't help it. I miss Cathy. But the heartbreak is so hard to deal with.

It's really hard for me to relate to people who have loved someone like that in general. :/. Or even people who date. It causes me to not be able to understand friends or family ,but I do try.

Yeah, running into it so fast and not being able to stop it. I guess I kind of am like 'well why can't they stop it? I don't get it.' But the truth is people just sometimes can't stop their feelings. It makes me feel bad when I'm not compassionate for other's problems and then I realize it and am like....damn it. I think it's because I've putten all sorts of feelings like that on a permanent stop because I am afraid they will run like yours are running for this girl.

It's like I'm trying so freaking hard to replace Cathy. At first in my Yoga class I got a crush on this one girl, but then she didn't show interest in talking with me when I tried, so I flirted a little with this other woman. She actually was much older than I thought, she had a fully grown daughter that was near my age. So, I felt a little bit guilty of my feelings. But I liked her more mature manner. I'd totally flirt with her some more if she comes to another class. But yeah, I'm desperately trying to be with someone. The desire is so... extreme. I think the rejection by Cathy just made me try harder. Which I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

It doesn't sound like a good thing. It's like you're on the look out for someone else to make you feel good and just hope you don't get rejected again. If you keep on you could find someone and then they'd either not be able to satisfy you or break up with you or something and you'd be back to square one, maybe even worse off.

I would say take a step back and realize that this desire may not be a good thing. You would be trying to get any relationship rather than trying to establish one with that specific person.

I just don't want you getting hurt :C. So just try to exercise some caution.

Thanks JPKAS. I guess I do need a reality check. This isn't a good path. Nor a good reason to get into a relationship. I need to try to cool it. & If a good person comes along & I fall into crush mode, then that's great, but I shouldn't go looking for it in every girl that walks into my yoga class.

You're welcome. I have a friend...let's call her H. H tends to talk to a guy and if he is absolutely sweet and nice to her she is hooked. It can be any guy. Even if she learns the guy did drugs. Or if the guy is a bum. She'll still be so in love. I often have to tell her to be careful . She craves flattery like no tomorrow. I'm not entirely sure how much her bipolar has to do with it, since I know other girls do this too. My sister used to do it (she's put her guard on and slowed down though). Heck, this guy I know does it. So you're not the only one. In fact this one guy I think randomly decides he's in love with me. But I have no feelings towards him. He knows that too.

I think in some ways these people are just looking for feeling good. Whether that's just having fun or feeling loved or what have you.

Yeah try not to crush on just anyone, It usually leads to big upsets, like with the people I mentioned. They do get over it, though, but I think a long run of faulty relationships leaves a lot of regret and takes its toll.

Call me H.

lol

Hahaha. Yeah I often feel really bad for her and people like her. They get themselves so worked up and just so in love with someone that doesn't even deserve them. Then they get all down. But at least she seems to get over it. I just know it has affected her in the long run.