The Borderline Eyes?

sidonie wrote:People with BPD are extremely tuned in to the emotions of others.

You win the understatement of the year award.

I think some or many BPD's were born with that awareness. I feel I was. It's excruciating and beautiful all in the same breath.

I think we live it. If we're lucky we can heal enough from the early trauma's and interactions to allow this awareness to enrich our lives, if not we use various tools to dull the pain it brings and struggle on.

I think there's danger and opportunity as we heal. We need to find clarity and coping to accompany stripping away the barriers and defenses. If we can make peace with the intense awareness and empathy we can lead lives of richness, if not we suffer from the intensity.

I haven't met enough Borderlines to say. But people always mention my eyes. I've been told they look sad, deep, distant, painful, and many have guessed that I've experienced trauma without knowing me at all. It's a kind of a thousand yard stare maybe... without the emptiness. I think I just daydream a lot and get a kind of distant gaze. But that combined with my deep set, heavy lidded, strange colored eyes... people always say something. From compliments to weird comments. "Are those real?? They look like marbles!"

I don't give much eye contact though. It makes me feel uncomfortable... it's too intimate. I don't hide my feelings very well it seems, and I'm afraid people will see what I'm thinking of them.

That's odd because I have an obsession with eyes. People always tell me my eyes are very seducing or intriguing. Anyways, I don't like talking to people because I always say the wrong things. But I love staring into people's eyes. I always feel like I have a huge connection with every person I look at. It's difficult to explain.. It's always intense. Even if I'm looking at someone in another car, it always seems so powerful.

averii wrote:That's odd because I have an obsession with eyes. People always tell me my eyes are very seducing or intriguing. Anyways, I don't like talking to people because I always say the wrong things. But I love staring into people's eyes. I always feel like I have a huge connection with every person I look at. It's difficult to explain.. It's always intense. Even if I'm looking at someone in another car, it always seems so powerful.

^^this

I'm always been told my eyes are "far away", "mysterious" or "deep in thought." They are, but not in the way I want anyone to know. I'd rather they just keep thinking I'm mysterious.

Thankfully (and I never thought I'd be happy about this), I now have photophobia, so I have a doctor's note telling me to wear polarized sunglasses inside as well as outside. It not only protects me from light, it protects me from people. It's not much, but it's a little layer of defense, and I'll take whatever I can get.

It hurts sometimes, because I occasionally want to let someone in. I want them to see me, but it's too physically bright for me to take my glasses off for more than a minute or two. So all I can do is give them a minute or two and then put my glasses back on, like some f******g vampire fleeing the sunlight. Because I wasn't enough of a monster already.

As for seeing others, I'm definitely obsessed with eyes. I was at a workshop photo shoot last week, and I asked the model to hold still so that I could get a good shot of her face, and particularly her gorgeous eyes. She gave me a hard time for it, saying "who wants to look at my face?" I should probably note that she has been in Playboy and was completely naked at the time that she said it. I took my shot anyway, and it was my favourite shot of the night, without question.

Her eyes are brown, by the way, and I still can't look at the photo without becoming simultaneously elated and depressed.

A friend of mine laughed at me over my eye obsession. We were out for lunch one day, and there was this cute waitress serving us. My friend knew I was hooked when, five minutes after we left, I couldn't tell you how big the waitress' boobs were, but a week later, I could still remembered that she had these lovely brown eyes. I tried my luck with her, but didn't get anywhere - no surprise.


"No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man,
To be the sad man,
Behind blue eyes..."

sidonie wrote:"Borderline eyes" are extremely intense.

People with BPD are extremely tuned in to the emotions of others. This was a survival tactic, from early childhood. If you were being abused (emotionally, physically or sexually) you were forced to constantly "read" those around you.

This strange "radar" will be a life-long trait, unless you dull it with drugs or alcohol (and, I suspect, a lot of BPDs turn to drugs or alcohol IN ORDER to do this).

The trick is....ok, you pick up on things others can not. You can also pick up on the fact that this makes people uncomfortable.

So, what do you do with it?

This makes sense. Also, I've been good at seeing when things are going downhill with those around me. It triggers the *alarm*, though as an adult it usually ends with me sabotaging relationships, despite it originally being a means of knowing when to appease my narcissistic mother. Then I sound stalkerish and strange for constantly asking "are you okay?" and being "too nice".

motionissue wrote:

sidonie wrote:"Borderline eyes" are extremely intense.

People with BPD are extremely tuned in to the emotions of others. This was a survival tactic, from early childhood. If you were being abused (emotionally, physically or sexually) you were forced to constantly "read" those around you.

This strange "radar" will be a life-long trait, unless you dull it with drugs or alcohol (and, I suspect, a lot of BPDs turn to drugs or alcohol IN ORDER to do this).

The trick is....ok, you pick up on things others can not. You can also pick up on the fact that this makes people uncomfortable.

So, what do you do with it?

I've hesitated to discuss this but will jump in a bit.

I find that many people have the capacity to project themselves emotionally into the personal sphere of others. Whether you call it psychic or intuitive it's a phenomena.

In my experience PBD's can have a particularly strong version of this trait. I think many BPD's also have strong traits of wanting to connect with others for reasons we all know.

So to me borderline eyes can describe the face of people who are strongly projecting their needs outwardly, sometimes rudely, often in ignorance of the tools they're using. I think this is an area where shades of gray in thinking are appropriate. That we can shield ourselves somewhat, reserve this intensity for those with whom there is trust.

Seems like people who could read others well would be in demand in relationships. Yet BPD tends to drive away other people. So what's the disconnect?

I'm a BPD sufferer, and I know that researchers like Baron-Cohen say BPD tends to correlate with little or no empathy... the opposite of what you'd expect of an extra-sensitive-to-others condition.

I know I often feel like I am overwhelmed by other people's emotions. But maybe it's not so much an enhanced ability "to read others" as a tendency to obsess on the reading, once the reading is in hand. Especially when the reading is negative. And extra-especially when the reading is negative because of something the BPD sufferer did.

I hope I'm not too late to hop in on this one!

That's a really interesting observation. I've only known one person before that has a PD, and I remember being afraid of his eyes, but I was really little then.

At the school I went to it was mandatory to make a portfolio presentation complete with a speech that you would recite to your judges. Apparently my center judge said I just kept staring like a cobra or something.

I've been told that I look like someone who can listen to people's problems. I've been told that my eyes are sort of "wild" during the periods of times when I'm seriously depressed. I think it's useful to be attuned to the people around us; otherwise my communication skills are horrible, but at least I make an effort to try.



I wonder if I can still go to my mental health center's DBT group. Would you guys recommend it?

Mavet wrote:At the school I went to it was mandatory to make a portfolio presentation complete with a speech that you would recite to your judges. Apparently my center judge said I just kept staring like a cobra or something.

Awwh, I once heard after a presentation in class that I "speak well, but, ehr, I'm not quite sure how to say this but... it kinda looks like you're deciding who to eat first. And that's kind of scary." *nervous laugh*
I've also heard I look like the raptors in Jurassic Park...