Mother Rant

I hate my mother. Nothing changes that. I neither like her, nor love her. Her attempts at getting me to show any real love towards her are futile. I'm her next project, she has those; projects. She wants to 'fix' me like i'm fixable by someone as deluded and flawed as her.

All I want is my distance from her. And no, distance never changes the way I feel about her. It just means I can actually grow, without her toxic, possessive, archaic, debilitating b*lls*it to weigh me down.

Rant over. In case you didn't notice. I don't like her. And yes, I know it's mostly me. I know it's MY fault for being so impressionable and so unable to detach myself psychologically, but for ###$ sake, she can at least try to stop being such an extra weight on me when I'm at my most vulnerable.

I really don't have anything to add.

I just thought the little "zero replies" looked lonely.

You're not alone, talula, I can't stand my mother. I think the best solution is to distance yourself from her completely so that you don't have to be around such crap.

My mother came home yesterday after a drunken night out with my aunty, they had a chat doing a psychoanalysis of all our family members. So she comes home and she wants to share her experience with me and she says that they did a psychoanalysis of me. I should have walked away at that point because a trigger was certain (my mother does not know about my diagnosis or that I'm seeing a pdoc or I'm in a 12-step program for addiction). Anyway she says that I have anger issues and I have a superiority complex and that I should go see a psychologist.

Here I am, having been going to a psychologist for the past month on my own accord. My mother says some total crap like this to me, I would have appreciated some kind of input like this 6 years ago, then I could have been spared the absolute agony I experienced over the years. It's just like her to say something stupid without thinking about it and trying to connect with me yet have no real idea about it.

My mother has a drinking problem but she won't admit it, she drinks all the time by herself and around other people but she calls herself a 'social drinker'. She got totally hammered at my high school graduation dinner in front of my friends and their parents and this was years ago so it is a problem. She acts incredibly stupid when she's drunk. Other times she's engaging in OCD behaviour, e.g. vacuuming the house everyday because she thinks everything is dirty.

I really don't like her at all, when she touches me it feels awkward and I always have to brush the part she touched me to feel normal again. Ever since I was young I felt she played favourites with my other brothers. I don't think she really connected with me as a child because she told me when I was growing up that while she was pregnant with me my father was off philandering with some woman, so she probably felt resentment.

My father has issues with his mother and they barely even speak, although I think it has gotten better over a few decades.

My mother has had a few boyfriends over the years after my parents divorced. Everytime I would have to console her or give her advice about her relationships. She would always ask me. I just find this highly inappropriate now since I was meant to be the child and her the parent. Instead it is the other way around, parenting the parent. Then my aunty says to give my mother encouragement or whatever but I don't see why it should be my place, just because she was incapable of finding herself a partner after the divorce does not mean I should pick up the pieces.

I remember when I was growing up my mother would always say to me that "I'm fine" as I seemed the more stable out of my brothers but I wasn't well growing up as a kid, my mother just was too busy to notice.

I just think it's totally messed up that I have to clean up this mess that other people around me have made. My older brother has moved out so he doesn't have to deal with my mother anymore. I'm still here having to put up with all this crap and it really gets to me.

I thought about distancing myself completely, I have my mother on my reject list on my phone because she always calls me throughout the day about the tiniest thing, maybe she is insecure I don't know but I don't want to speak to her all the time throughout the day, I told her this and she just doesn't understand it.

I've told these things to my friends over the years but they just don't really understand it because they come from a seemingly normal family, their parents never divorced. I've told my mother's friend about my mother's drinking problem but she just wrote it off.

Sure my mother raised me but I just can't put up with it anymore. I can't think properly around her, she triggers me most of the time leading to unhealthy outlets. She just seems emotionally void. She has major mood swings and goes absolute crazy at times, I say to her that she is like a chicken with it's head chopped off, running around aimlessly with blood splurting out everywhere.

Best solution now is to move out and get away from this toxicity. I just need to get a job first which is an uphill battle at the moment. I think it might be best to move countries so I just don't have to deal with any of this family crap anymore.