Will these awful feelings in the morning ever stop?

I am real tired of this crap. EVERY morning..without fail..I feel like complete $#%^. I am a ball of anxiety and panic, I feel sick, I'm so agitated and on edge. I try to calm myself down..never works..never ever. All of the irrational thoughts flood my mind. I know their irrational but the feelings I get are so real. I tell myself over and over that these thoughts are garbage and to forget them but I can't. I wonder "Will my fiance be dead when I go to his house?" "Has my ONLY friend been kidnapped?" "Will I get in a fight with my parents?" "Will I die today?" There's 10,000 more but that's all I'm going to bother you guys with. My chest hurts, I can't breathe well until I know everyone I love is okay and that my schedule won't change.

Yes, I'm one of those people. I have a very specific schedule I follow everyday. I do things at the exact same times.. right down to the minute. It's the only form of stability I have yet I despise it. I feel too stressed to live without the schedule that I hate so much. None of it makes sense to me. I don't understand myself. I feel this way from the time I get up until mid afternoon. Then the feelings come and go throughout the remainder of the day.

I hardly eat during the day because I'm too stressed. I always have a horrid stomach ache until night time. If I don't eat enough.. I have a stomach ache. If I eat I still have a stomach ache. I lose both ways. I hate eating during the day.. why can't my body leave me alone until I'm not in panic mode anymore? Why must it torture me!

I should also add that I shake uncontrollably almost always until mid afternoon. It's slight and not noticeable to anyone..well maybe that's because I isolate myself so nobody except my fiance would know about it.

The only time I didn't have this problem was when I lost someone close to me. All of the anxiety stopped because I was so depressed and all other problems compared to the death seemed so small. I went on like this for around 2-3 months and then the anxiety came back even worse with an intense fear of others dying too.

I don't know.. I feel like this problem will never go away. Any suggestions? I also drink coffee in the morning. I know it makes things worse but I suffer from migraines and NOTHING else except the coffee prevents them. If I didn't drink my coffee I'd be lying in bed all day in pain and vomiting.

Are you prepared to radically alter your way of thinking and your life? Cos I'm afraid that's what it's likely to take. Toough love I know.....and I won't go on because we've chatted about it a bit in PMs.

All I can suggest is start drinking decaf - you might THINK it's stopping you having a migraine but it's not.....I reckon it's just your body needing it's caffeine kick. Headache is a common withdrawal symptom, because if you take too much caffeine, it increases certain receptors in the brain.....it also will be causing your stomach ache......so you need to cut it down gradually, replacing 1 cup a day to start with, then another and then another.....otherwise you're messing around with your central nervous system and physical health too.

As for when you wake up and are faced with a barrage of negative thoughts and catastrophic imaginations, that's where you need your "facts" versus "fiction" lists beside you. If you have talked to your fiance on his way home from work, before you go to sleep, then statistically you know nothing can have happened to him in the safety of his own bedroom. You just need to keep on telling yourself that and toss out the stuff you KNOW is irrational. Because you KNOW yourself that it's irrational.

But the only way you're going to knock this on the head is to get therapy. You need someone talking to you every week/fortnight who is properly trained in the techniques you need to beat these feelings of vulnerability and for you to realise that you can alter your strict schedule and the world won't collapse around you. You have to experiment each day, extending the time you spend out of your comfort zone - even making yourself sit in your car for a minute before you start driving to your fiances. I know this is scary, scary stuff.....but it is bothering you almost every day and you know something has got to change. Start with the coffee if nothing else and you will notice a real difference within a week. Promise. the tremor is likely the caffiene too but possibly medication (I had a constant tremor on anti-psychotics).

Sorry to be a nag......I would just love to come on here sometime and find you having a happier life. I know you "manage" things to reduce your anxiety, but you're not doing yourself any favours because you will just beome more and more and MORE anxious, NOT less. x