I think I might have a PD. I need advice!

Hey, I know this sounds silly but I'm only 15 years old and it's way too young to be diagnosed but I have been going through difficulties for years since whenever.
I am not here to get diagnosed so I can use it as an excuse. Over the years I've been going through things that have gotten worse over the years. Recently I found about Personality disorders and when I read about it I came across Avoidant PD in which I had all the symptoms, it seemed to feel like that this PD wad about me. Anyways I also had lots of symptoms of other PD's. Before I jumped to conclusion (I know you can't diagnose yourself) I did a lot of tests and it came up lots of times that I had many symptoms of APD, borderline and Paranoid.
When I researched these disorders they related to how I was feeling, not just now but also how I felt in the past, it helped to know that I am not the only one who feels this way.
Days I just can't handle going into school or social gatherings because it feels as if everyone is trying to break me down mentally. I don't get bullied but I have hard times facing people who has judged me by a little bit and I feel so paranoid that I can't even walk pass them or have eye contact. I have trouble keeping friends because I feel so terrified that they may be taken advantage of me so I get rid of them before they do it to me. It sounds harsh but I don't know why i do that. I get extremely mad when my friends are late for only about 10 mins. I don't let people close to me because I'm scared they might turn around and say horrible things about me. So I try to avoid making new friends. I am happy with the friends I have but I always seem to attack them for no reason, I can't control it.
At times I'm so depressed i feel so self distructive.

This is only part of what I am going through. This has been going on for a long time even when I was younger Ive always felt like this but it's gone to a point where it's getting worse and I can't stand it.
I just want to know what to do to stop feeling like this and to see if I am one of these PD so I know what I can do to change. I've tried so many things. I just can't control the way I feel. I
I can't talk to my family because I feel embarrassed, I'm scared they might think I'm weird and paranoid. I tried going to my school counslerr but they seemed to not care, they said Im like everyone else and that they can't do anything about it, by telling them how I feel I am so depressed to go to school even more because I don't want to walk pass this counslerr (teacher) and she might think that I'm dramatic and weird. I just don't know what to do, I feel so sick of feeling this way I just want it to go away. I want to be happy.
So can someone please help me on what I should do.
Thanks.

Hi,
Good on you for posting and trying to get some answers to your difficulties.

As you've said, we can't diagnose you for real.....and certainly some of what you say ticks boxes for PDs. However - the reason you won't necessarily be able to get a diagnosis for a few years is because everything you describe also comes under the heading of "normal adolescent development"....and i know that because I was reading up on it just this afternoon (I am hoping to get into college to study mental health care). However, the fact that you believe you've felt this way your whole life hints that it may be a developing PD. I know I hit the same kind of crisis as you when I was 17. I didn't have the nous to work it out as clearly as you have though.....but I wonder how much of that is reading symptoms and bending "real" life to fit.....please try not to take that the wrong way. It's just that even normal teenagers (if there is such a thing) are trying to discover who they are, and many feel a lack of identity. So a normal teenager, with normal development, could make themselves believe that they have difficulties and have always had difficulties, whereas it could be good old teenage angst.

I'm not trying to belittle your life experiences, i'm just trying to explain how school counsellors and other adults WITHOUT experience of BPD will look on it. The option you have available to you is to go to your Dr. You are under 16 so they may have to then discuss it with your parents.....so if at all possible, it's worth trying to talk with your parents first. You never know - you may find out there's a history of depression or other mental illness in the family.

However you want to proceed - don't let it get to the point where you get self-destructive. If you ever feel like that, you HAVE to talk to someone because you don't want to go down that route, believe me. If you DO have BPD then you have caught it early. Read up on therapy skills that you can try and work on yourself. If you can start to help yourself now, then this doesn't have to become a major problem in your life. Good luck with everything.