Personal Anguish

I'm curious... what is it about your behaviour that causes you the most personal anguish? Those of you who are in therapy voluntarily, if you could only change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

fiveintime wrote:I'm curious... what is it about your behaviour that causes you the most personal anguish? Those of you who are in therapy voluntarily, if you could only change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

The feeling of emptiness and worthlessness leading to suicide attempts.

I'd say the not knowing who I am, feeling constantly lost and alienated. I never know what to say to people, I feel I have to struggle to try and make connections while others can just be themselves and it happens naturally. I hate feeling so alone and not being able to be myself (whoever that is) around others. Makes life pointless and unenjoyable so I subsist everyday while waiting for the time when everyone says, 'Things will get better'.

*sigh*

Hm, dunno. Maybe just the near constant pain, boredom, anxiety and feeling that wherever I am, I almost always want to be somewhere else. Is that one too many things? Probably the last one then. So, an itchy boredom with most things.

For me at this moment, is dealing with the pain I have caused my husband and my children through the years and not knowing why I did the things I did.That's the worst. Everything else is in second place. With that said, I am newly diagnosed and doing my best to repair the damage I have made. Being made aware of this has strangely helped me start to manage my symptoms/issues and want to do better.

Oh, and if I could change one thing it would be for me to stop hating myself.

It would be a combination of my utter lack of self and my emotional instability.

My anxiety and never knowing what I really want. Once I get something I was desperately seeking.. I'm over it and on to the next thing. I'd love to change that.

Losing my husband because I kept trying to kill myself....he just couldn't cope with it anymore. And because of that I've lost the one person who accepted me for who I was and even proposed while I was in the midst of a depressive tearful meltdown one Saturday morning for no "obvious" reason. And that means that I don't get to see my children much because he is their main carer.

ON a day-to-day basis - I hate this feeling of dysphoria that just materialises....although i'm getting better at working out why I feel that way....but it really is the loneliness that gets me.

The worst for me is missing the relationships that could have been.